7 Signs You and Your Spouse Need a Vacation…BAD!

BY: - 9 Jun '15 | Marriage

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Summer is rapidly approaching and many of us have our plans in place. Sadly, though, some of us don’t know what we want to do and that usually means that we end up doing nothing. I know it’s sad because I am one of the people still figuring things out. Although this year, I am determined to have my feet planted in the warm sand on a beach somewhere.

Of course, the summer always feels like an ideal time to take a trip, but the opportunity to travel is available year-round and many of us ignore it—especially when we have children and get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities that come with family life. Often we have legitimate financial reasons, but even when we don’t, taking some time to escape and enjoy life takes a backseat to everything else going on.

If you haven’t made plans yet to getaway this year (sans little ones), here are a few signs that you need to escape—soon.

You are both exhausted. Have you ever been exhausted for so long that it just starts to feel like the norm? I’ve been there, so I understand. Life is busy and we all have too much to do. The thing is, being exhausted shouldn’t be a way of life. When you remain exhausted for too long you end up feeling depleted. Time away allows you to get some much-needed rest and restoration. When you are exhausted your body is sending you a message. Listen and give it the response it needs.

You can’t remember the last time you spent a night away from your kids. We all love our kids, but let’s be real—a little time away from them can do your relationship some good. And frankly, time to relax and reconnect will ultimately make you better parents. I know you love your little ones and separating from them can be tough, but everyone is better off when you do it, and you don’t need to get away for long for it to be effective.

You can barely find time for intimacy. When you feel like you have to whip out your calendar and schedule a date to have sex, you could probably benefit a lot from some private time that allows for spontaneous intimacy. It will help you reduce your stress level and will allow you to connect with your mate.

Your relationship feels stale. Pushing through all the day-to-day madness without ever taking a break can leave you feel like your relationship is as stale as week-old bread. Don’t just sit and watch all the spice slip away from your relationship without doing anything. Escape for a bit and bring some life back into what you have. Living in a stale relationship will lead to bigger problems down the line.

You’ve been putting off a trip away for years. Life has this way of throwing obstacles our way at every turn. I get it. But even if your finances aren’t quite right, or it seems like you have too much going on, I urge you to try and at least take an overnight trip so you can reconnect, enjoy each other and get some rest. You can put things off for an eternity unless you simply decide to make it a priority.

You are waiting for the perfect moment to go. There is no perfect moment. It doesn’t exist. And as soon as you think the perfect moment is upon you, something goes wrong. Don’t wait for perfection. When it comes to planning an escape, a moment that is “good enough” will do.

The mere thought of escaping makes you smile. When the idea of doing something makes you smile from ear to ear, you have to make it happen. Depriving yourself of the joy you deserve is unhealthy. If the thought of escaping makes you that happy, it’s because you need it—probably more than you know.

BMWK family, when was the last time you and your sweetie escaped?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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5 Ways to Help Your Insecure Spouse Feel More Confident

BY: - 11 Jun '15 | Marriage

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I know, we really shouldn’t be responsible for another person’s self-confidence. Each individual would typically handle the confidence department on their own, hence the word “self”. However, there may come a time in your marriage when you have to reassure your spouse that you’re all in, that there is still a physical attraction and desire.

It may seem confusing to some, but for a spouse who’s doubting everything about themselves, your encouragement might be necessary. A lack of confidence affects our job performance, the ability to connect with others and the intimacy in our marriage, to name a few.

Some of the issues that affect our confidence most after we get married are weight, age and illnesses that cause certain physical alterations. While your partner may not know how to handle those life changes, you can be supportive in helping them regain what they may have lost.

Here are 5 ways to help your spouse feel more confident.

Compliment your spouse. Flattery does get you everywhere. Being told that you are sexy or beautiful is exactly what most of us look forward to hearing from our spouse. Who doesn’t want to know that they still have “it”?

Keep your promises and do what you say you’re going to do. Insecurities sometimes come from disappointments and a lack of trust. Your spouse needs to know they can trust you to honor your marriage and treat him/her as you should. Whenever they have to second guess you, they begin to second guess themselves.

Make your attraction obvious. The way you look at your spouse and touch them, can increase your partner’s confidence. Words are powerful, but actions say even more. Love on your spouse, physically. Touch, rub, and squeeze those parts of your spouse’s body that turn you on the most, frequently. Act as though you can’t keep your hands of off him/her. Surprise them with kisses and be sure to pay a little extra attention to those body parts your spouse may have been most concerned about.

Don’t judge what you may not understand. It might seem odd that your partner even has certain insecurities. But believe me, they would also rather not have this experience. Who wouldn’t want to feel completely comfortable in their own skin and love everything about themselves? Sometimes those insecurities aren’t a choice, but a result of something relating to their past. We must be sensitive and search for ways to gain an understanding first.

Be vulnerable and share with your spouse where you might also feel insecure. This will remind your partner they aren’t alone. It makes certain life experiences easier when you know someone else can relate to what you’re going through.

While it may not be your “responsibility” to make your partner feel confident, it is an opportunity to demonstrate what true love and commitment are all about. The one thing our spouses should always be sure about is the strength of their marriage.

BMWK, in what ways have you had to make your spouse feel more confident?


About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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