Life is About this One Thing, and the Sooner You Realize It the Better Your Life Will Be

BY: - 25 Jun '15 | Home

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The older I get the more I realize that humans share many more similarities than differences. And no matter who you are, you’re struggling with something today. None of us are coasting through life unimpeded on an express path to our most ambitious goals. And if you are, hit me up below so we can talk.

We struggle because we’re human. We struggle because we were raised by imperfect people under imperfect circumstances. We struggle because as humans our lives are tied to others – and their struggles. The luckiest of us are able to share our struggles with others and help shoulder the burdens of our loved ones as well.

Through writing, consulting or simply catching up with my own loved ones, I’ve noticed a pattern of similarities between those who handle personal hardships well, and those who never seem able to slide from under the crushing weight of life as imperfect human in an imperfect world.

The ones who consistently come out on top understand the power of progress and consistency.

Actions and decisions are the building blocks of intentionality and goal reaching.

Individuals who cope well with life’s ups and downs realize life is a process of progress.

Progress of experiences. Progress of teaching moments. Progress of reducing our struggles. Progress of self-development. Progress of self. Progress of pain. And progress of overcoming.

We all know age doesn’t equal maturity. We know of people who act closer to their shoe size rather than their age. What we also know is that time and experience will drop off plenty of struggle on your doorstep.

Experience utilized correctly will also show you the best methods of overcoming your struggles simply because you triumphed over it the last time. You found a way through last time, and you’ll find a way next time. Because that’s life. We have to be in love with the process of progress.

No matter our marriage, our debt, our job, our businesses, our family, or our faith, we win by small increments of progress – of wins – of decisions – of actions.

The important thing to recognize is we also lose the same way. With each indecision – each case of settling short of our needs – each seed of doubt we plant – each time we choose a destructive vice – each ignored crucial conversation – each lie we tell ourselves are all a part of the process of failure.

Until we finally give up – ultimately on ourselves.

Intentional or not – for all of us, life is a process.

All of it filled with an amount of struggle. We all share pain. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be human. It’s my hope that more of recognize the choice we have to choose a life a progress through our pains and through our struggles. I hope we realize every single day counts because its a day we’re free to make to make that choice no matter what life decides to leave at our door that morning.

BMWK! What do you do to cope with the ups and downs of life? 

About the author

Isom Kuade wrote 70 articles on this blog.

Isom Kuade is a father and a husband, resting his head in the middle of Texas. He's doing his best to adult with purpose and sneak in some good meals along the way. He and his wife tell stories of their triumphs, failures, and biased opinions at pancakesandcider.com.

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3 Ways to Protect Your Relationship from the Silent Killer

BY: - 26 Jun '15 | Home

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By Felicia A. Garrett M.A, LPC, NCC

One of the things I commonly hear when speaking with couples is how frustrated they become when their partner doesn’t meet their expectations. At first I would express empathy as that can be very frustrating to deal with.

Yet I begin to find a common theme in these encounters, the other person had no knowledge of the expectation they were being held to. Of course there will be frustration, from both parties, when there is an expectation that is not met or they are unable to meet because they are unaware.

We all enter relationships with certain expectations, the destruction happens when we don’t communicate our expectations with the other party. This silent killer can occur in any relationship be it business, service, or personal; yet, it is most common in intimate relationships.

It is very easy as a wife to assume my husband knows what I need or want from him and how I need it.

However after many years of marriage I can honestly say that is an assumption that leads to frustration, anger and bitterness for myself and for my husband.

Yes, he is my best friend, he has known me over half of my life, we have children together and all that other stuff but there are still expectations that I have that if I don’t tell him he will not figure it out.

Allowing the thought, “He should know …” to fester in my mind is a set-up for me to have an unspoken expectation. Yes, there are somethings he should know as there are things I should know but if I want to ensure that it is completed I need to express it! I have heard it expressed many times “if I have to tell them then it takes away the surprise”; that may be true, yet the bigger surprise may be nothing at all.

There is no play book for marriage or relationships that has each step lined out with how to guides and pictures to follow in case we get confused, thus our assumptions that this is how it’s done and everyone knows this is delusional.

If you don’t express your needs, expectations, and or desires they are unspoken and will likely be unmet.

Here are a few pointers to help you say what you need to say and decrease the potential of the silent killer attacking your relationship.

1. Be Realistic: Before you express your expectations make sure they are reachable. You cannot expect someone who can’t cook to prepare you gourmet home cooked meals every day. Well you can expect it but you may be disappointed.

2. Be Honest: If it is important to you then it is important. Don’t lie or only tell half of your expectation, tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

3. Be Specific: Don’t hint around at things. If you expect 5 star accommodations, don’t express “a nice hotel will do”, this is not specific to your expectation.

BMWK, do you express your expectations?

Felicia A. Garrett is a psychotherapist, professor and owner of Renewed Perspectives Counseling and Consulting. She provides counseling to individuals, couples and groups as well as workshop and retreat facilitation. Felicia is married to her high school sweetheart; they have three children and two very spoiled dogs.

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BMWK Staff wrote 1218 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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