{Open Letter} 6 Things I Want my Little Brown Children to Know

BY: - 18 Jun '15 | Parenting

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My heart has been heavy over the state of our little brown children lately. I’ve started and stopped writing about this McKinney incident several times for different reasons. What can I say that hasn’t been said? How can I explain this to my babies? What if this happened to my babies (I probably wouldn’t be writing this right now if it was)? How can I protect them? While I don’t know all of the answers, I do know that I can give them as much guidance as I possibly can. While I know, not everyone feels one way or another, I just want them to know how to interact with the “bad apples” should they ever need to. So I decided to write an open letter to my little brown children…

My dearest children,

First and foremost, I love you more than words can say. I’m writing this letter because there are some things that I need you to know. I need you to know that although we’ve come a long way, we have an even longer way to go in this United States of America. Here are just a few things that I want you to always keep in mind as you get older, because I have a feeling that things may not be too different in a few years, than they are right now.

1. People can be mean

I know we teach you that you should always treat people the way you want to be treated. But unfortunately, not everyone lives by this rule. In fact, you will come across a lot of downright mean and nasty people. They may call you names, curse at you or treat you like you are worthless. But don’t let this break your beautiful spirit, or cause you to treat them the way they’re treating you. Teach people how to treat you by holding your head up high, and not engaging in their shenanigans (obviously, you are being taught how to defend yourself through Taekwondo…so if you need to defend yourself, please do).

2. Embrace who you are

Don’t ever be ashamed of where you come from. God made us who we are for a reason. You are black, and regardless of how ugly people may treat you or portray you, you are beautiful and handsome. Point. Blank. Period.

3. Racism is still real

I’m hoping that it gets better, I really am. But racism is still alive and well. Instead of getting better, it’s continuing to get worse. I know you’ve learned about Martin Luther King, Jr., Rosa Parks, Harriet Tubman… and once upon a time when there were slaves. Yes, we live in different times now, but the times are really not all that different. Don’t try to understand it because it will never make sense. Just know that it exists regardless of how people try to explain their way out of it.

4. You are not equal (in their eyes)

It doesn’t matter how many white friends we may have, or what nice cars we drive, or what fabulous neighborhoods we live in. You will never be seen as equal to your white counterparts. No, you can’t do what they do and get away with it. If you act up or talk back, you’ll be seen as a rowdy thug. But don’t be surprised when they do it and are told they just need an outlet or some medication. No, you will never be equal (in their eyes).

5. You always have a choice

We hope that you will always choose common sense over ignorance and peace over violence. We hope that you will always choose to walk away from any situation that looks like it’s heading for danger. While we hope and pray that you will never be faced with a situation like what happened at McKinney, we hope you will choose to give authorities as little reason as possible to want to harm you. Choose to listen and do what they say even if you don’t agree (as long as it doesn’t cause harm to you or anyone else).

6. Prayer is your power

Above all else, remember that your faith is your biggest asset. No one can ever take away your prayers. When you find yourself in fear, doubt or anger… take it to God and pray. But then always back your prayer up with action because faith without works is dead. If you pray for peace, you need to demonstrate peace. If you pray for courage, don’t allow fear to cripple you. If you pray for justice, do your part to be part of the solution.

I hope and pray that as you get older, the world will get better. But if it doesn’t, I hope you’ll always know the power of your greatness. I pray that these few words and the words I share with you throughout your life will always empower and encourage you. The color of your skin does not define you, but your character does. Always remember that.

Love and blessings,


BMWK: What other things would you add to this letter? How are you talking to your kids about racism?

About the author

Christine St. Vil wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Christine St.Vil is co-author of the Whose Shoes Are Your Wearing: 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be. A happy wife to an amazing hubby of 8 years, and homeschooling mother of three, she teaches moms how to FLY (First Love Yourself). She uses her corporate background to work with women who are ready to start a new business, accelerate their career growth & design a life they love. She's on a mission to help moms to battle the mom guilt epidemic, so they can begin to put themselves first on their never-ending list of priorities.


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5 Ways to Ensure a Strong Marriage After Having a Baby

BY: - 23 Jun '15 | Parenting

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By Alyssa Rachelle

There’s no question that my husband and I were overjoyed with the birth of our baby girl 10 weeks ago. Although her delicate little toes and infrequent smiling reflexes kept us in love, we were consumed with nervousness and anxiousness over this almost 7 pound miracle.

Having a baby is a life-altering event that can also significantly change the course of your marriage – if you let it.

Below are 5 ways to ensure that your marriage stays strong after baby:

1) Compromise and Let it Go

If there is more than one way to skin a cat then there’s more than one way to swaddle, burp and change a diaper on a baby. Please understand that you both will have your own way of doing things and that both ways can work. When you feel the need to constructively criticize your spouse on their method, take a step back and ask yourself this one question: Did their technique work? If the answer is yes, then let it go.

2) Check in  

Periodically, I ask my husband about his feelings on fatherhood. Did he have any fears? Were there any changes that he wanted to make in our routine and didn’t know how to address them? This creates an open dialogue about how we are handling parenthood and makes us feel like we’re in it together.

3) Manage Frustrations

Sleepless nights, fear of the unknown and unbalanced baby duties can create tension between any couple. The moment you find yourself frustrated, talk about it. What is the source of the frustration? Whether it’s lack of sleep or a colicky baby, discussing it can lead to better treatment or a solution. If the solution includes your spouse taking on more duties or picking up an extra baby shift, saying, ‘thank you’ or ‘good job’ will further soothe the situation.

4) Do What Works for YOUR Family

I can’t tell you how many times I have Googled, have looked on mommy forums about various topics and have received advice from family members and friends. While all of their suggestions were great and had come from a helpful place, it might not have necessarily worked for our household or exact situation.

In order to keep the peace at home, make sure you talk with your spouse about plans for your baby (sleeping schedule, when to implement certain items into your child’s routine, etc.). Once you’ve come up with and agree on a plan, stick with it. Don’t deviate from it (without discussing with your spouse) when someone else may criticize or suggest another method.

5) Put Your Marriage First

After all, without you two (and God), there would be no baby. My husband and I kiss each other first before kissing our baby when leaving the house or coming home. We ensure that we make time for each other by having daily conversations about topics other than our baby.

Since our newborn is still in a bassinet in our room, we’ve even watched movies via laptop in the bed with ear buds after the baby has gone to sleep. Any daily or weekly activity that will keep you and your spouse connected will work.

BMWK, how did your marriage change after your children were born? 

Alyssa Rachelle is a filmmaker, AusetEnt.com, and writer focusing on marriage, motherhood and entrepreneurship. She lives in the Atlanta area with her husband, 2-month-old daughter and 9-year-old Cocker Spaniel.


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Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com


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