Ready For Wife Life: 5 Things Your Future Husband Wished You Knew

BY: - 20 Jul '15 | Relationships

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When a man is ready for marriage, there are specific things he looks for in a woman before he decides to commit. Typically, he keeps the criteria for his ideal woman close to he vest.

While this strategy works great for him, it can make dating and relationships frustrating and dealing with your man can feel confusing.

But by embracing the following 5 secrets, you’ll be able to take your relationship to the next level (if you’re dating), and prepare for the wife life if you’re still waiting to be found by Mr. Right.

So, here are 5 things your future husband wished you knew:

He needs your help and acceptance

Men don’t have it all together. Behind all that swag, he has insecurities, weaknesses and fears just like you. Don’t assume that his rough and tough exterior means he is invincible. He needs your help.

What does he need your help with?

To get the answer, you will need to:

  • Spend time getting to know your man to find which areas need your help
  • Ask, don’t just assume

But, in general, men need help reaching their goals and dreams.

  • They need help seeing their true potential.
  • They need you to give them insights into people and situations so they aren’t taken advantage of.
  • They need you to bring your strengths, gifts, talents, and abilities to the relationship to cover their own weaknesses.

Your job is to be wise enough to know how to help him without making him feel like a failure.

He wants you to listen to him

There are two important points here.

First, you might assume that your man doesn’t need to be heard because he is a man of few words.

“Well, he won’t talk to me,” you say.

“I try to get him to tell me how he feels, and he won’t say anything.” But 97% of all communication is non-verbal, so only 3% is verbal.

If you’re only focusing on what’s coming out of his mouth, you’re missing a whole lot.

Listen to his body language. He’s communicating something to you all the time.

Second, when your man does talk, you need to listen without:

  • judging
  • inserting your opinion
  • correcting him
  • anticipating what he’s about to say

It may be hard to hear, but you should be honored that he trusts you enough to share his feelings with you.

He wants you to catch him doing something good

Your man really wants to please you. But sometimes, in his mind, nothing he does is good enough.

That’s because we rarely focus on what people do well. We live in a culture that is steeped in criticism and judgement.

It’s rare for someone to tell you what you did well. But everybody loves to be appreciated and your man especially wants your encouragement.

He wants you to be confident

Good men love confident women.

Confidence and sexiness go hand in hand.

Because you’re confident, he knows he won’t have to spend all his time trying to make you feel good about yourself. Yes, he will appreciate you and help you grow; and yes, he knows you’re not perfect and will need him to cover your weaknesses.

But a man knows that a woman who doesn’t know her own worth will quickly become a needy woman.

He craves your respect

When I asked my husband how important respect is to a man he told me, “No man wants to be disrespected.”

Respect is one way a man gives and receives love. Respect is the language they use to communicate with the world.

When your man feels respected, he feels like he is honored and loved by his woman.

Many men have a tough exterior, but our words and actions can hurt them just the same. When you bring private issues into the public with jokes, snide remarks and even negative body language like snarls and frowns, a man feels disrespected.

He feels you’re making him look bad in front of other people.

Respecting your husband is a very important way of loving your husband. However, this doesn’t come naturally to a wife.

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It’s because we tend to focus on our own needs first and we need to feel loved by our husbands. But when you focus on meeting his needs, an amazing thing happens: he finds it easier to focus on your needs.

The Bible helps us see just how important respect is to a husband:

“Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33 [AMP version].

When you respect your husband you:

  • Notice him
  • Regard him
  • Honor him
  • Prefer him
  • Love him
  • Admire him above anyone else

The point is, when you respect your man, you don’t focus on his shortcomings. You focus on the things he does right (and you inspire him to be a better man through open & honest communication).

As my friend Paul C. Brunson says, the best time to work on your marriage is before you get married. Learn these 5 secrets now and you’ll set the stage for a happy marriage!

BMWK, are you ready for wife life?

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 153 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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5 WordPress comments on “Ready For Wife Life: 5 Things Your Future Husband Wished You Knew

  1. Leigh

    Great article! Sometimes, I believe we expect our husbands to fulfill our needs, but we neglect to focus on their needs. This is a real eye-opener and I plan to implement and improve upon these traits in my marriage.

  2. Pingback: Ready For Wife Life: 5 Things Your Future Husband Wished You Knew | Happily Divorced and After

  3. Pingback: Ready for Wife Life: 5 things your future husband wished you knew | BlackandMarriedWithKids.com | cassandra168

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Do You Have Emotional Intimacy With Your Man?

BY: - 20 Jul '15 | Marriage

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As a coach I often find myself having this conversation with female clients who call me to get advice about dealing with their husbands.

So let me get this straight, if he tells you about his feelings he needs to stop whining, but when he doesn’t tell you how he feels he isn’t open and doesn’t communicate well?

Another famous line is “he acts like the woman in the relationship because he is always complaining about something.”

I always wonder if these complaints are really a masked cry for help coming out in the form of frustration and “whining.”

Maybe he is needing something from you as his wife but you’re so focused on his delivery you can’t hear the message. Maybe he isn’t being the “woman” in the relationship but rather he’s just being a HUMAN in the relationship.

Often times, I believe we forget that human emotion doesn’t specify gender.

As men, we hurt like women hurt and men have emotional needs like women have emotional needs. Men feel pain like women feel pain and men cry like women cry.

Society teaches men they aren’t allowed to feel and as a result we became good at holding everything inside; but on the flip side, women have come to expect men to not have feelings while subsequently saying “why won’t you tell me how you feel?”

I hope y’all see the quandary here.

Well, when a man finds a wife, one of the most intimate and freeing things that happens for him is he feels like he has permission to be vulnerable. Sometimes he tries his luck and expresses that emotion and is met with a wife who doesn’t know how to accept or  handle it.

What’s worse is sometimes it’s met with a negative reaction and, like a kid touching a hot stove, he pulls back, reluctant to touch or express these emotions again.

In turn many marriages and relationships suffer because of this cycle of events.

We say we want transparency and intimacy and vulnerability but do we know how to handle it when we get it? It has to be handled with care because human emotion is more fragile than we want to believe.

We are all looking for that person who will protect our hearts and embrace our vulnerabilities.  The one place that should happen should be inside the confines and comforts of a marriage.

BMWK, Is this happening in your marriage? Just something to think about…

Sincerely,

Just A Man

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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