Alert: Good Communication Will Not Solve All of Your Marital Problems, But These Will

BY: - 29 Oct '15 | Communication

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This is Part 3 of a 3-part series on improving communication in your marriage:

We’ve exposed the ugly truth when it comes to communication.

And it’s changing marriages.

If you believe that good communication will solve all of your marital problems, you’re sadly mistaken.

We hear from couples all the time…they are doing everything in their power to work on their communication, but things are just not changing in their marriages.

That’s because you have to do more than just saying the right words, rephrasing your words so your spouse understands, or picking the right time and place to talk.

If you’re going to solve your marital problems…

you will have to focus on conflict management.

you will have to make sure that your actions are lining up with your words

you will have to have consideration for your spouse’s feelings

you will have to have an understanding of your own feelings and needs

you will have to change your mindset and your thought processes

you will have to go beyond the words and understand body language and actions (non-verbal cues)

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Until You’re Blue in the Face

Just think about it. You and your spouse could have very strong (but different opinions) on parenting and discipline, on religion and on handling the finances. And no how many times your spouse explains their point of view (they can talk until they are blue in the face) you are not going to change yours.

This scenario played out so many times in our marriage, especially after we were first married.  You see, we have a blended family where I brought 2 kids into the marriage and then we quickly had two more kids.  And Lamar and I did not see eye to eye on how to discipline the children. We wanted the same things…but we had very different methods of getting there. And it was causing a lot of strife within our marriage.

Finally, it all came to head one day when we were having a very heated argument over the kids. (A lot of tears were shed.) But thank God that on that day, we made a commitment to each other to turn our marriage around. On that day in our bedroom, we decided to do whatever it takes to have the happy marriage that we both desired.

We basically did 3 things to turn our marriage around:

  • We took our blinders off. The first thing we had to do was to admit that we had a problem and that we need help.
  • We formed a united front. We decided to work together as a team on all things, especially in front of our kids and extended family.
  • We got educated.  We didn’t know how to be a blended family.  So we got the help that we needed from marriage resources and experts.  We attended marriage conferences and retreats and we socialized with other married couples.

Being able to effectively communicate definitely helped us to connect.  But in order to turn our marriage around, we had to go beyond communication and make some serious changes.

BMWK Family – We want to create a shift in marriages across the globe by helping couples just like you with your marital communication.  We’re doing this with our BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training).  It’s a self-paced online training that connects couples with expert instruction that will support, equip and encourage healthy verbal and non-verbal communication. And the best part about it is you’ll receive this training from the comfort of your own home as you make your communication better.

How to Learn Better Communication

Get expert-led video training on better communication from the comfort of your own home.

Click here to try our BMWK Effective Communication (Online Training)

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 524 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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