I was watching a TV show recently and guys were complaining about not having an opportunity to get to know the women they were dating. The women on the show were essentially looking for specific traits and if the guy didn’t meet the specific traits, they would cast him back out with the other fish in the sea.
Of course, the men were frustrated by this, but they also didn’t have any solutions of how to get past the woman’s list of requirements. While I believe these lists have some legitimate requirements, more often than not, they highlight the woman’s own insecurity that she is trying to fulfill through her man. Because of this, I want to share 5 ways to get to the Second Date.
Be the best version of you.
Being the best version of yourself is not a call to be fake, condescending or being more than you are. Simply be yourself.
- In conversation
- In your body language
- In all of your actions on the phone before the first date
- When you get together before the date
- During and after the date
Be yourself. Don’t let her questions overwhelm you or overly flatter you. Be calm; be in the moment. Give her your full, undivided attention and just be you.
The first date is not a first interview.
I believe this is the number one reason where men go wrong and don’t get to the second date. They treat the date as a casual interview. It’s obvious we are going to want to find out about each other and get information about the other person.
Often, we take the line of questioning too far. Also, we fall into the woman’s trap of her line of questions, so it becomes a game of 20 questions for each other. Now, we try to make our decision on a second date based on the specific data we got from the first date.
We need to do more than that. We need to see if we enjoy each other’s company.
- Do we have chemistry?
- Does she laugh at your jokes?
- Does she smile when she talks to you?
- Is her body pointing directly at your body (which shows interest)?
You want to get to a second and third date with people who interest you beyond what your list or her list may say. You need to learn their values, goals and dreams to find out what deal breakers are before looking for ways out before you ever get in.
Treat her the way she wants to be treated.
You don’t know how a woman expects to be treated until you get to know her. Until you get to know her fully, treat her as though she expected to be treated like the only woman in the room.
Give her your undivided attention. Listen with comprehension to answer her questions. Don’t talk over her. Look into her eyes when you talk. If she needs something, it’s up to you to make it happen for her (a drink, a dance, etc.). She will give you clues to what works for her and what doesn’t. Follow the clues and continue to do so on the second date.
Don’t be a pushover.
Women don’t like pushovers, even on the first date. Be assertive in your care for her. Be confident in your appearance, how you walk, talk and interact with others.
Sometimes, a strong woman will test you to see if she can push you around a little. Don’t fall for it. Be courteous, yet honest and assertive in your communication. Let her know from the beginning you will be the man in this relationship. She will respect and appreciate you for it.
Ask for the business
I have several years of experience in sales, and the number one mistake salespeople make is they don’t ask for the sale. It’s the same in dating. Ask for the second date. Don’t be overbearing or awkward, but definitely at the very least offer a “soft close.”
“I have this restaurant I would love to take you to. How does next Friday sound?” Or maybe, “I have tickets to see the Hawks play on Saturday. What time can I pick you up?” She doesn’t have to say yes or no, but at the very least, you have shown interest. If she feels chemistry and she knows you’re genuinely interested, she can’t wait for the second date!
BMWK, are you going to try these techniques to get to the second date?