4 Ways to Manage Your Emotions When Attracted to Someone You Just Can’t Have

BY: - 4 Feb '16 | Single

Share this article!


By: Lia Miller

We’ve all been there…you meet some really cool, there is instant chemistry, conversation naturally flows, you make each other laugh, you can feel the potential of the connection… but for some reason or another things never move to the next level.

It could be timing, circumstances, distance, the fact that either or both of you is already involved with someone else or a whole host of other reasons.  Time passes, life rolls on, but that person is never far from your thoughts. You ask yourself the what if questions; you wonder about what the other person is doing; you stalk (I mean periodically check) their social media pages and wonder about what could have, should have, might have been.

You spend time daydreaming about a happy ending scenario when the unavailable person suddenly becomes available to you.  However, spending too much time engaging in these activities is unhealthy, unproductive, and has the potential to negatively impact your actual relationship(s) or your ability to enter into a relationship.  However, all is not lost; there are healthy ways to deal with this extremely common problem, read on for some tips for coping.

Understand your feelings are normal

There are some pretty obvious signs that someone is in a committed relationship and unavailable. A wedding ring is one of those signs. However a wedding band alone may not necessarily prevent you from feeling drawn to someone.

Even people who have been in long-term relationships with the same person for years can easily feel attracted to another person(s).  Attraction is a natural instinct.  However, you can control how you respond to or act on those feelings.  Recognize and acknowledge that your “eye has wandered” and do nothing more; the feelings will fade since they are not being indulged. 

Figure out if you are being competitive

PsychologyToday.com reports that “relational aggression” is a kind of competition that often occurs between peers (women to women and men to men) and sometimes involves getting sexually involved with a rival’s partner.”

If the object of your affection is in a relationship with anyone, but especially with a friend of yours, consider whether your feelings for them might actually stem from a sense of competition more than a true desire for the person. Then figure out how to curb these competitive urges, without ruining your friendship or your friend’s relationship.

Understand unavailability makes people more attractive

Love is weird. Why does it make someone more appealing because you can’t have them. Is it the mystery of the unknown, the ability to idealize them in the absence of actually knowing them, your guess is as good as mine?

So the next time you find yourself imagining any scenario with your unattainable person, stop and think about why you might be interested in someone who’s already attached.

Tell someone about your feelings

When you’re attracted to someone you can’t have, you’re often inclined to keep the feelings to yourself, especially if you are involved with someone else romantically. If you have a trusted friend or confidante, publicly airing your feelings is one way to manage them and to make them go away.

When you speak the feelings out loud/bring them to light it removes the fantasy and helps you realize that you entering into potentially dangerous territory.  Bottom line:  No matter who you who choose to tell, the conversation is an important step in waking up, accepting reality, and moving on with your life.

Lia Miller, known to the blogging world as Lia World Traveler, is the quintessential every-woman, a loving wife and mother, daughter, sister, friend, author/singer/song-writer, movie and book buff, DIY loc’d naturalista, food lover, sports and fitness enthusiast, news junkie, traveling fool, diplomat, diversity/social inclusion advocate, and life-time learner. In both her work and private lives, Lia has seen a lot and done a lot and through her writing; she shares her adventures and insights with you at Life As I See It.

About the author

Lia Miller wrote 23 articles on this blog.

Lia Miller is an every woman, in that she does and is interested in a lot of things. Lia is a wife and mother, ambitious/career focused individual, writer and award winning blogger, do-it-yourself loc’d naturalista, foodie, avid reader, movie buff, sports enthusiast, passionate about music, dance, and the arts, news junkie, advocate for the underdog/under-represented, with an incurable bug for traveling and exploring the world. Lia is also a clinical social worker with a concentration in children, relationships, and family dynamics. Lia’s focus is to find and share how to get the best out of life by living fully, loving hard, and always learning.


like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!


Facebook Wordpress

Leave a Reply

Single/Dating Articles Delivered To Your Inbox Daily! Sign up below!

5 of the Shadiest Ways to Get a Date If You Don’t Want to Be Alone for Valentine’s Day!

BY: - 5 Feb '16 | Single

Share this article!


Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and you need a date. I totally understand. There is nothing fun about chilling in the house alone on Valentine’s Day. It’s a day of love and romance. You need to get out and have some fun.

You can judge all you want, but people trick people into doing things all the time.

So what do you do if you aren’t in a serious relationship and you need someone to be your date? You trick them into going out with you, of course. There is no shame in doing what you gotta do so you don’t spend this special holiday alone.

You can judge all you want, but people trick people into doing things all the time. I’ve got a long list of chores that my husband has been tricked into doing. Trickery keeps our marriage strong. I love my guy like a fat kid loves cake, so if I have to play a few games to keep our home happy, I do just that.

So ladies and gents, here are 5 things you can do to get your date on this Valentine’s Day without the other person knowing what the heck is going on.

Invite him to watch the NBA All-Star Game with you.

Yep, I went there. I think it’s more than convenient that the NBA All-Star game is on Valentine’s Day this year. Personally, I think they picked the day to help more ladies get Valentine’s Day dates from guys who tend to avoid the holiday altogether.

So make a few dishes, ask him to come over, and tell him that a few friends will be joining. Sure, he might think it’s weird when no one else shows up, but that’s okay. Just tell him they all sent text messages and bailed (you may want to have a few homegirls text you just in case he wants proof).

Ask her to go to church with you.

Yes, Lord—Valentine’s Day is on a Sunday this year. This is perfect for the God-fearing man or woman who doesn’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone.

Now who doesn’t want to date a man or woman that loves the Lord? A great service at church followed by a (romantic) lunch date? Talk about perfect. No one expects to be tricked on the day we give praise, so this is one of my favorites!

TNMCoupleFlowerGiftHappySmile 600x400

Since Valentine’s Day is Sunday this year, plan a late date for Saturday night.

Do you think New Year’s Day is the only time when the countdown matters? I think not. This may be hard to pull off if you live in suburbia like I do; but if you are in a major city where restaurants and lounges stay open until late, you are in luck.

Go to a late movie (Zoolander 2 comes out that weekend…LOL) and enjoy a great dinner afterwards. Be sure to stay out until after midnight and don’t forget to say Happy Valentine’s Day. Shady? I don’t think so.

Orchestrate a couples night.

If you have friends who are in serious relationships, this is perfect. Invite 2-3 couples over, and plan a nice get together. Get your Valentine (so what if he or she doesn’t know it yet) to come over by setting it up as a nice gathering with tons of food and conversation.

Will it be weird when he walks in to roses, heart-shaped desserts, and other Valentine’s Day themed stuff? Maybe, but I don’t think he’ll leave because of it—especially if the food smells really good.

Make it a weekend of it.

Can you say ski trip? Whether you go skiing, or you find your way to someplace warmer, this is a great way to make your date unexpectedly stay with you through Valentine’s Day. Now I don’t recommend doing this with some creeper you just met online (that’s just super weird).

But, if it’s someone who’s been in your life for a bit and they keep fronting about the next level, show him what’s up by planning a nice 2-night trip that ends with a romantic breakfast on Sunday morning. And please don’t pay for the trip yourself. This is about getting a date, not being a sucker.

Well there you have it, my friends. 5 surefire ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day by being as shady as you wanna be. Enjoy!

BMWK family, we hope you had a good laugh with this one! Share your funniest Valentine’s Day stories with us. We hope you have a great date (that you aren’t tricked into).

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


like what you're reading?

Start Shopping!


Facebook Wordpress