4 Empowering Truths About Love that You Won’t Learn in “Those” Facebook Groups…You Know the Ones

BY: - 21 Mar '16 | Relationships

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I’m a member of several Facebook groups that were created under the premise of eliminating the “battle of the sexes” between men and women. You know the ones where you’re supposed to find advice and encouragement to assist you in finding love or strengthening your relationship. Yet, all you see is a bunch of name-calling, stereotyping and just really bad advice.

There are a lot conversations going on about love, especially on social media. Unfortunately, a lot of those conversations leave you feeling disheartened and like you’d rather not be bothered by relationships at all. Quite frankly, there are too many conversations about what’s wrong with love and not enough conversations about the wonderful benefits of being in a healthy, loving relationship. It’s no wonder I’m seeing more and more people with jaded ideas about relationships and being in love.

And this is exactly why Troy Spry, certified life and relationship coach and “Reality Expert,” decided to write the book Teach Me How to Love: Why What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You. Spry wants people to do better and to have healthy relationships and families. So, he’s taken all of the lessons he has learned as a certified relationship coach, and he has put them into a book.

“One thing I’ve learned for sure is that people still want love. They want healthy relationships: they want commitment; they want marriage. However, many are frustrated and confused, feeling like they are just spinning their wheels and getting nowhere fast.” —Troy Spry, Teach Me How to Love.


So here are 4 (of the many) lessons that Troy shares about love that you absolutely will not get on one of those Facebook pages:

1. “Healthy relationships build you up and dysfunctional ones tear you down. If you ever want to experience the next-level love…you must know the difference.”  

While love does take effort, it is not supposed to hurt. Knowing the difference between healthy relationships and dysfunctional ones will keep you from tolerating mistreatment, abuse and infidelity in the name of love.

2. “Developing a healthy relationship doesn’t start with you finding the one, it starts with you being the one.” 

Spry says the most important ingredient for having healthy relationships is self-worth.  When you value yourself, then you will seek someone of value and someone that values you. And when you don’t feel you have value, you begin to settle.


3.”The control starts with you and within youyour standards, your mindset and your behavior.”

You’re not a victim. Control what you can control—and that’s you. You cannot control how a person treats you. But you can take your life in your own hands, empower yourself and make better decisions for yourself about who you allow in your life and how you will be treated.

4. “The best way to create a healthy relationship is to start with two healthy people.”  

You’ve got to start doing a better job of picking your mates. Spry really advises people to take some time to get to know themselves.  Not only do you need to understand your core values, you also need to understand your deal breakers. Understanding your own core values will empower you to pick a mate who is more suited for you. Knowing your deal breakers (before you develop strong feelings for a person) will empower you to cut things off when you know your deal breakers have become an issue in the relationship.

That is such great advice. And there is so much more of these gems of wisdom in the book. Spry hopes by the time you finish reading his book, you will be one step closer to knowing how to love and having the relationship you desire.

BMWK, do you think social media and Facebook are contributing to the negative mindsets about love and relationships?

Please get your copy of Teach Me How to Love: Why What You Don’t Know Will Hurt You and pick up a copy for your friends too!

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 527 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.


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Are You Doomed for Divorce? 9 Types of Marriage That Need Counseling ASAP!

BY: - 22 Mar '16 | Marriage

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Paula Abdul said it…Opposites Attract!

Yet opposites attract, but only for so long.  Many of us believe couples who are dissimilar are more likely to have a better marriage than those who are alike. I would beg to differ on this. The more diverse a couple’s wants, expectations and views are, the more likely they are to always irritate each other and argue constantly (studies even back this).

After being with my spouse for 16 years, it has taught me that certain differences can complement one another while other differences can be like cancer in a marriage. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but below are some guidelines to consider. Below are nine types of married couples who may be at risk of stopping short of happily ever after unless they correct their course.


  • The emotionally unbalanced marriage

In this kind of marriage, one couple is more emotionally invested than the other. The one who does more of the loving and the work to keep the marriage going is usually unhappy at the end of the day. Health marriages need mutual participation.

If the burden of reconciling every misunderstanding, arranging for dates, etc., depends on just one person most of the time, that’s a sure sign of trouble.

  • The idealistic marriage

In this marriage, the couple entered into it with a list of what their ideal partner should be like, act like and look like. These couples are not willing to compromise some of their fantasies about marriage for reality. And as such, they are always dissatisfied when the other person fails to meet their expectations on certain issues. If this seems like your marriage, then it’s time to sit down with a counselor to discuss real expectations.

  • The over-indulgent marriage

Here the couples have thrown out all their expectations on what they desire from their partners and are too indulgent of them. To satisfy their mates, they permit, forgive and overlook actions they don’t agree with. Eventually the indulging partner begins to feel short-changed and unhappy.

For example, if the partner who believes in monogamy allows the partner who other doesn’t believe in monogamy to have a “hall pass,” the monogamist partner can only suppress his/her true feelings for so long.

  • The vengeful marriage

In this situation, the couples who are hurt don’t just get mad, they get EVEN. These couples do not believe in just simply settling a misunderstanding or wrong.

For example, if one cheated on the other, they only to make amends for the act would be to allow the other to cheat as a revenge. “You damaged my car, I’m going to damage yours. You said demeaning things to me, I am going to make you feel equally worthless.”

If couples aren’t focused on true forgiveness, this cycle of hurt-me-and-I’ll-hurt-you-back will only continue to the steps of divorce court.

  • The purely physical marriage

In this marriage, all the couples care about is their sex lives. They have a crazy chemistry in bed but nothing else. Basically after the sex, their conversations are as dry as the desert.

Couples who don’t have common interests in each other may find their interests outside the marriage. These couples should seek constant opportunities to develop a deeper bond outside of the physical relationship.


  • The selfish marriage

This is often with one party in the marriage, who is so ridiculously self-absorbed that the other begins to feel emotionally neglected. They make everything about them to the point where they do not know how to be empathic with the needs, emotions and desires of the other person.

  • The enormous age disparity marriage

Sometimes when the couples are from two very different generations, it is really hard to find a middle ground and a similar interest. What one party considers serious and non-negotiable, the other sees as pretty irrelevant.

Not to mention the difference in age usually opens to door to a list of insecurities on both sides of the age gap.

  • The dramatic marriage

They are always fighting, breaking up, making up and wearing out their friends and family members. It continues like this until they eventually redefine their relationship to one another as enemies as opposed to spouses.

  • The financially unmanageable marriage

In this one, the couples do not make time to talk about their finances before they make life-long decisions. For a marriage to work out, the couple must sit down and discuss how finances are to be distributed to cover bills, what to save, if one has to be a stay-at-home parent, etc..

These nine marriages may be faced with tough times ahead, but there can be a future for these unions. Couples must identify their potential hurdles and work on them consistently and equally to safeguard their futures together.

BMWK, if you are a couple who fits under one of these nine categories, how did you overcome your challenges?

About the author

Da-Nay Macklin wrote 55 articles on this blog.

Coach Da-Nay Macklin is a Certified Christian Life & Relationship Coach, founder of the Courageous Conquerors Mastermind and Author of Love After Adultery: The Breakthrough Journey of the Brokenhearted Available on Amazon She is one of the nation’s leading experts on infidelity and a thought leader on maximizing potential as she assists couples and individuals to live life by design and not default. Da-Nay has been has been featured on the Oprah Winfrey Network’s show Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal after successfully navigating adultery in her marriage, and named one of the 15 most powerful women on the south side of Chicago. She now resides in Charlotte, NC with her loving husband and daughter.


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