11 Ways to Tell if Social Media is Impacting Your Life and Your Relationships

BY: - 7 Apr '16 | Relationships

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What’s going down in your DM? (that’s Direct Messaging…for those who don’t know)

Are you living out your alter ego on social media? How many pictures do you take…just to post one photo on Instagram?

The amazing advances we’ve made in cellular technology have had some unintended effects on our emotional well-being and health. Insecurity, low self-esteem and depression are just some of the side effects of social media.

On the relationship front, a blogger I know asked her followers to tell her how social media and technology had affected their relationships. Out of the 2,000+ responses she got back, almost every single one was “very sad”. And they all had one thing in common: social media and technology destroyed my relationship.

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Shawty…we gotta protect ourselves and our relationships when it comes to this social media phenomenon. Here are 11 checks-and-balances you need to ask yourself about your social media habits. Judge for yourself whether your social media interactions are threatening your relationship and/or causing you emotional distress.

  1. Is who you are on social media the same as who you feel you are on the inside? #publicpersona #vs #privatelie #highpublicesteem #vs #lowselfesteem
  2. Do you spend more time editing your images and posts than you do editing your character? #photofilters #photoshopyourlife #edityourcharacter #filteryourtongue
  3. Are you spending more time documenting your experiences than experiencing your experiences? #selfies #waitwhatdidImiss
  4. Do you put more time into looking at other people’s timeline than you do experiencing your own life in real time? #staythumbscrolling #thumbscrollingatparties #thumbscrollingatdinner
  5. Do you get depressed, jealous or envious looking at other people’s happy pictures posts on their timelines? #hateronthehush #butyoumadtho #sheaintallthat #shethinkshecute
  6. Do the manufactured perceptions on social media influence your beliefs of what is true and real? #virginremi #buttinjections #breastimplants
  7. Are your expectations of what’s realistic in your relationship based on the freaky video posted on social media? #worldStar #caribbeandancehall #poledancingacrobats #twerkvideos
  8. Are your online relationships or your interactions on DM, threatening your current relationship? #sexting #oldboos #Iusetohaveacrushonyou #areyouandyourwifestilltogether
  9. Is social media setting your expectations about what you want somebody to do for you, but you’re failing to understand what’s fully expected from you? #Idonotcook #fathersdontbabysit #sexaintfree #thecostiscommittment
  10. Is social media setting your expectations about what you want somebody to do for you, but you’re character disqualifies you from being the person worthy of such consideration. #inappropriatetexts #itsjustFacebook #itsjustflirting #sextingisntcheating
  11. Is social media giving you a false representation of what to pray to God for in a mate? #talldarkandhandsome #sixfigurenicca #38-#24-#40 #redbone #lighteyes #goodhair

Set boundaries for yourself on social media in order to protect your emotions, self-esteem, and your relationship.

BMWK – Do you set proper boundaries on your social media interactions?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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Should My 18-Year-Old Start Looking for a Husband Now?

BY: - 7 Apr '16 | Relationships

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A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled across an interesting article on the Huffington Post titled Why I Told Female Princeton Students To Find A Husband by Susan Patton. Apparently, she had written an article prior to this one that created quite a stir.

Her article, which ran in the Daily Princetonian, encouraged the young women of Princeton to find a husband while they were still in college. The reasoning was that the odds of finding a man on their level would never be that good again.

“Again, I understand that all women don’t want marriage (to men or other women) and or children, but for those that do, identifying the right partner is critical. One of the criteria by which I am defining the right partner is someone with shared educational and intellectual appreciation. Yes, that can be found after college and outside of Princeton, but the concentration of outstanding men (and women) will never be greater than it is as a student. I wanted to encourage the wonderful young women on Princeton’s campus to take advantage of this while they can. From a sheer numbers perspective, the odds will never be as good again,” Patton shared in her Huffington Post article.

Because the original article seemed to create quite a buzz, Patton felt the need to defend her point. According to her, many college women are taught about future career success but not much else. The advice they receive isn’t usually centered around love and marriage success or how to even balance that with a career.

At first, I was a little taken aback as I thought of my own daughter, who is now a college freshman. I went back and forth with my thinking. Should I suggest that my 18-year-old start seeking a husband now? Does this make sense? Would this recommendation add too much unnecessary pressure on her? Will it truly be harder for her to find a mate once she graduated?

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Even with all my questions and concerns, I actually think Patton’s suggestion made a lot of sense. I agreed with a lot of what she wrote. Where else would young women have this eligible pool of candidates with, for the most part, like-minded, career focused young men? College does provide a great opportunity to meet a future spouse. While I agree with this, I won’t necessarily share this with my 18-year-old daughter.

I feel college is stressful enough with just trying to discover who you are and plan for the future. I don’t want my daughter to feel as though every guy she dates, while in college, is husband material. I don’t want her to feel as though she has to compete with other women to find a man in college because this is her “one and only opportunity.” I don’t want her to feel like if she doesn’t find a husband in college, she never will. My hope is that she thoroughly enjoys her college experience. If a future spouse comes as a result, awesome. If not, that’s awesome too.

BMWK, what do you think? How early should young women start looking for a husband?

 

 

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 634 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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