Husbands, So You Think You Really Love Your Wife? Let’s Test It

BY: - 30 May '16 | Marriage

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Love, defined as a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, is usually treated as just a noun in most situations. With marriages, in particular, it’s more important that it be shown rather than just said. It’s an action word for sure.

So husbands, I’m challenging you with this post. Do you really, truly, without question love your wife? Now before you answer that, I want you to consider a few things. I know you probably feel the love you have for her, and you might also say it pretty often. However, you can say and even think you’re loving your spouse, but if you don’t love her like the Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25 expression of love, you’re not really loving her.

Allow me to break it down. It reads “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”

Although giving yourself up for your wife sounds like one specific action, there are several ways a husband can give himself up. Think about it for just a second.  Answering these next few questions will help you see whether or not you truly love your wife the way God intended.

What have you given up for your wife?

Have you given up a need to be right?

Have you given up your desire for other women?

Have you given up those distractions preventing you from being happy in your marriage?

Have you given up any competitive mentalities within your marriage?

Have you given up jealousy?

Have you given up an uncontrollable temper?

Have you given up unrealistic expectations? Are you expecting her to be everything to you and you’re only being half of that to her?

Have you given up loving her with conditions?

Have you given up putting yourself first? Are you able to make her the priority?

Have you given up those bad habits that don’t serve your marriage well?

Have you given up mistreating her?

Have you given up making everything her fault?

Have you given up taking her for granted?

Have you given up your pride/ego?

It may seem like a long list of sacrifices to make, but isn’t your wife worth it? Isn’t the future of your marriage worth it? You chose marriage and with that choice comes certain responsibilities.

Remember the question I asked at the beginning? Do you really love your wife? If you haven’t loved her in this way yet, know that today is a new day and you can begin at anytime loving her properly.

BMWK, what else should husbands give up for their wives?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and


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5 Things Your Wife Needs More Than Your “I Love You”

BY: - 31 May '16 | Marriage

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I know my husband loves me. If I weren’t sure about that, I never would have said, “I do.” He made his love for me clear long before our wedding day. And even though I am clear about how he feels, it’s still nice to hear it from time to time. A sweet reminder always makes me smile.

But as nice as it is to hear, saying “I love you” can’t be the only way my husband expresses his affection for me. If that’s all he’s got, I’m not impressed. Words are great, but they can’t sustain any relationship. Imagine if you told your kids you love them but failed to provide the care they needed. What good would your words be in that instance?

So yes, I want men to tell their wives how special they are and how much they love them, but I need those same men to stop acting like their words are enough to strengthen their relationships. I need those same men to step it up and do more for the women they profess to love. True love is not about uttering a phrase. True love is about action.

Here are five things your wife needs from you more than your “I love you.”


Your Appreciation

Show me a woman who truly feels appreciated by her husband, and I will show you a woman who is probably in a happy relationship. At our core, we all want to feel like the people we love appreciate all of the things we do. If your wife holds things down, but you rarely acknowledge it because you think that’s just what she does, you will end up with a woman who feels underappreciated. That’s never a good thing. Show and tell your wife you appreciate all she does. It matters to her, and it will have a positive impact on your marriage.

Your Time

Even if your job is demanding and life is crazy, make time for your wife. When couples fail to spend quality time together, it’s damaging. Take your wife on a date, cook with her, talk to her. By making the time to connect with her, despite how crazy things are, you are nurturing your marriage in a way that words can’t.

Your Support

We all need to feel supported. And this doesn’t mean that you agree with your wife all the time. It simply means you care enough to engage in a conversation, so you can understand her point of view and offer support where she needs it most. You are her rock, and although it seems like she can hold things down without your support, it’s so much easier and healthier for her to move through life knowing—without a doubt—that you have her back.

Your Friendship

I don’t think your wife needs to be your best friend, but I do believe she needs to be a great friend. You need to chill with her and laugh with her and confide in her. If your wife starts to feel like you only have fun when she’s not around, it hurts. Having healthy friendships outside of your marriage is very important, but nurturing a healthy, fun-loving friendship within your marriage is even more important.

Your Help

Please help your wife. Don’t watch her cook, clean, wash clothes, make appointments and juggle the kids without your help. Yes, she should just ask you for help if she needs it, but that’s hard for most women. It would be nice if you just acknowledged her day-to-day hustle and offered to step in and lighten her load. When your wife is going through loads of laundry, saying “what can I do to help?” means a lot more than a random, “I love you, babe.”

BMWK women, what else can your husbands do to show you they love you?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at To work with her, visit her at Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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