3 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Your Wife Want to Submit to You

BY: - 18 Aug '16 | Marriage

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SUBMISSION… is one of those dirty words in the Bible that make women cringe…and distort their top lip. It triggers a guttural reaction.

If you’re a man, you’ll want to pay attention. If you’re a woman, it’s likely, you’re reading this article to see how wrong I am (and thus, slay me in the comments section below).

And I understand why the notion of a wife submitting to a husband is grotesque to some.

For three generations, the traditional marriage structure in the African American community has shifted. According to some statistics, the black single mother household doubled in the 80s.  Our society has now become accustomed to those female-headed homes, along with co-parenting situations and other non-traditional family constructs.

For 60+ years, some of these women have seen and experienced their grandmothers, mothers, and aunts-and-ems run their families. And in many of these same households, the absent men  were either demonized, trivialized or emasculated. So, the idea that a man should be knighted as an authority-figure to submit to (a position he did not earn nor deserves in the eyes of many of these women) is absolutely ridiculous.

So how can you make this type of woman come to terms with submission when all her experiences speak strongly of independent females and negatively of men?

Coming to Terms with Submission

Submission is a commandment that’s in the Bible. So, if you’re a Christian wife (or want to be one), you have to come to terms with submitting to your husband—not whether to do it, but how you do it.

Every Christian woman I’ve ever talked to has her own way of how she comes to terms with submitting. And every way is different.

I’ve been married for 18 years myself. In our marriage, my wife submits to me as the head of our household, even though she’s 5 years older than me and has always made more money than me. So how did I get her to want to do it?


3 Sure-Fire Ways to Make Your Wife Want to Submit to You

1. Have a Plan
When you proposed to your wife, you were essentially proposing your plan for your lives together. Whatever you said while on bended-knee, that’s what she’s saying “yes” to.

So, you had better have a plan for how to make that happen, captain. Don’t return home from your honeymoon and be like, “Okay, we’re married now. Let me know if you need anything. Love youuuu!”

Agree on a procedural process prior to your walk down the aisle, in which you sort out wife-husband roles, responsibilities and expectations. Be clear in what honoring the “man” as the head of household looks like.

2. When making plans, know your planning is more important than your plan
!IMPORTANT! Women ain’t stupid. They can manage their lives themselves. They can tell, by what you say and what you do if your plan is gonna work or not. They also have very strong opinions on what’s wrong with it, how to fix it and how to fix you.

So, don’t reject her input or dismiss her opinions because you’re too wedded to your plan. In your planning, you must include her input, expertise and opinions about your plans, and you. After all, her ideas might be better than yours.

3. Address her interests in your planning before she does
If a woman knows you have her best interest in mind, she will be willing to trust you and follow your lead. Therefore, in your planning, make sure you address her needs, concerns, fears and interests before she does.

You bring it up, not her! You don’t have to have the solutions to everything. But, addressing them in your planning before she does, shows her that you understand and are concerned about the things that are important to her. If she feels you understand her concerns, then she’ll trust you and be willing to follow your lead.

It’s a lot of work. Indeed. But if you have a plan for how you’re going to create the life you proposed to her, include her input in your planning, and address her concerns before she does, then you’ve created the sure-fire environment that will make your wife want to submit to you.

BMWK — Ladies: let me…and the brothers…know. Will this make you want to submit to your husband?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.


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5 Phrases We Teach Our Children That Should Also Be Practiced in Our Marriage

BY: - 18 Aug '16 | Marriage

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I love being a parent, it’s my greatest responsibility. I’m shaping and molding young innocent minds. Yes, my girls will listen to what I say but they will also watch what I do. I have to be very careful with the lessons I’m teaching them.

There are certain types of behaviors I would like them to display as adults, that I can look back on and proudly say they got from me. I want them to be intelligent and beautiful women, especially beautiful on the inside. I want them to be great daughters, excellent wives and awesome future mothers. As I think about the lessons I was taught by my mom and am currently teaching, I wonder how many of those lessons could also be applied to my relationship and their future marriages.

As adults, we sometimes forget what we were taught as children once we get married. My mother equipped me with a few very powerful lessons that I have also told my daughters that could easily be demonstrated in any relationship,  here are a few.  


“Don’t be stingy”
I was taught to share. I could hardly ever say no to my siblings or my mom. She doesn’t like selfish folks and would remind us if we ever forgot to share.  

In marriage, the same rule should apply. Sharing your time, energy, your body and love with your spouse is key. Your marriage includes both of you, so make sure that sharing comes naturally in your relationship.

“Treat people the way you want to be treated”
I was taught to respect others and treat others like I want to be treated. I often remind my girls of this golden rule as well. Because I never wanted the man in my life to disrespect me in any way or call me out of my name, I have never done it to him.

Now it helps that I chose a good man also. But I have to be loving because I too desire love. I must listen because I like being listened to, and I must show love and affection because I like to feel that too. Most of the things I desire my husband does too.

“Don’t lie to me”
As a child, I couldn’t even say the word “lie,” so you know I had better not tell one. We had to be honest about what we did and how we felt. Can you imagine how powerful a marriage would be if both partners practiced this philosophy? If all marriages were built on truths, and there was nothing you couldn’t be honest about in your relationship, then that would be a strong foundation for a lasting marriage.

“Be kind”
As children, we are also reminded to be gentle with other people’s feelings. I too share this one with my girls. I remind them not to gossip and talk about their friends behind their backs. I let them know how drama affects peace and could cause more trouble than they want.

The same is true for marriage. The majority of married folks I know want peace in their home. It becomes a little harder to obtain if both partners aren’t being kind to one another. Couples should be gentle with their words and address any issues with their spouse first and not with those outside the marriage.

“Listen twice as much as you speak”
I remember hearing, pretty often, that I had two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listening, in my opinion, is the most important piece of communication. When you don’t listen you miss a chance to truly connect with your spouse and understand a need they may have. Active listening is a lesson we should continue to practice.

We should never stop learning in life or within our marriage. There are so many valuable lessons we learned growing up that, if we applied today, would make us a much better spouse.

BMWK, what are some childhood lessons you learned that you can apply to your marriage?


About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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