4 Questions to Consider Before You Quit on Your Marriage

BY: - 16 Sep '16 | Marriage

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If you’ve ever wondered what your life would be like if you didn’t marry your spouse, you’ve probably faced some tough times in your marriage.

Sometimes, those rough patches are related to major issues like infidelity, but not always. Sometimes, it can just be a compilation of unresolved issues that have taken place over the years. Whatever the case, thinking about being without the one you love is a sign that your marriage is in trouble.

And the thought alone certainly doesn’t mean you will walk away from what you have. It takes a lot more than that. But once you begin having those thoughts, it does open up the possibility of divorce in your mind. You start to wonder if your marriage will stand the test of time. You start to wonder if you can repair the damage.

While these are very legitimate feelings and thoughts to have, you have to be sure you explore all your feelings thoroughly before you call it quits on a commitment you made to stay with someone for a lifetime.

When I vowed to stay with my husband till parted by death, I took those vows seriously. I am sure you took yours seriously as well. But, with that said, it doesn’t mean that there can’t come a time when a person starts to wonder if things just won’t work. But wondering and leaving are two very different things.

So before you quit on your marriage, here are four things you really need to consider.

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1. Have you been to individual and couples counseling?
It’s unfortunate, but there is a stigma in the black community when it comes to going to counseling or therapy. The truth is, however, that counseling and therapy are incredibly helpful.

Not only will you be able to get to the bottom of what is really going on in your relationship (and personally), but you can also figure out what your next steps should be and how you should approach things. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. If you feel like you want to leave your marriage, you owe it to yourself and your spouse to get as much help as you can.

2. Was your relationship in trouble before you got married?
Be honest with yourself right now. Did you get married with a bad feeling in your gut because things in your relationship just weren’t right? Or, did you enter your marriage hoping that the exchange of vows would somehow repair an already damaged relationship?

If any of this holds true for you, it’s no surprise that you want to walk away. But if these things don’t hold true, you have to ask yourself how something that once felt so right can now feel so wrong. What’s changed over the years? What can you do to make things better?

 3. Are your expectations unreasonable?

We all enter relationships with expectations. Sometimes those expectations are more than reasonable, and something we are way off.

What do you expect from your spouse? Do you want him to meet needs that you should be meeting on your own? Do you want him to do things for you that you are unwilling to do for him? Are you sensitive to what he needs? When needs aren’t being met, relationships begin to suffer, so we always have to ask ourselves if our expectations are reasonable or are we asking for too much.

4. Have you (relentlessly) prayed on it?

Never underestimate the power of prayer. I think if you make a vow before God and you are thinking about breaking that vow, the least you can do is turn to God before you make any decisions. He will guide you in the right direction. He will listen to your concerns. He will calm your fears and anxieties. And most of all, He will help you determine what your next step should be. Now this doesn’t mean that you just pray and

Now this doesn’t mean that you just pray and wait, because you have to take action in your relationship. But it does mean that before you act, you should have a conversation with God.

BMWK family, what are some things you think should be considered before someone quits on their marriage?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 484 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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Fellas, Here’s How to Enjoy Football Season with Fewer Complaints from Wifey

BY: - 19 Sep '16 | Marriage

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Last week I wrote a post offering tips to women on how to prepare for and enjoy football season. This week, I’m sharing a few with the brothers.

I know a large majority of you look forward to this time of the year. What’s better than being able to actually enjoy some football without interruption? If you happen to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn’t value the game as much as you do, here are a few suggestions that might be helpful:

Handle your business before the game
If you make sure your responsibilities are already handled, there will be fewer disruptions. Just think about the things your woman typically interrupts the game to discuss, and take care of them in advance. You know when game time is, so do what you have to do in order to watch the game in peace.

Have a little patience
Your woman may really want to understand football. Answering her questions and listening to her comments will make it easier for both of you.

Trust me when I say, your woman usually means well. She’s not really trying to be as irritating as it may come across. Having a brief football lesson with her prior to the game may also be beneficial. Suggest that she take notes so she’ll remember for next time.

Spend a little time with her before the game
Anything she does during the game is sometimes her way of asking for a little attention. If you carve out some time for her before it starts, she’s likely to have fewer complaints during the game.

Leave her
No, not forever, just for the few hours the game is on. Explain how much better the game is when you’re watching wit ith other big fans. She should understand, and, again, you can enjoy in peace.

Turn it into a party
Invite your boys over and have them bring their ladies. Your woman is less likely to be concerned about what’s happening with the game, or you, if she has a few friends over to kick it with. Just remember to help with the clean up.

Brothers, I know the ultimate goal for most of you is to just make it through football season with as little drama as possible. Hopefully, these few tips are just what you need to survive.

BMWK, what are your tips for surviving football season as a couple?

 

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 619 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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