My Trials as a Distant and Overwhelmed Stepmom; and What Changed It All

BY: - 20 Sep '16 | Blended Families

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The day God revealed to me his plans for my stepmom journey was the day my life took a much-needed turn! I remember standing in my light blue dining room and staring out the window with tears rolling down my face as I told God…

“I am so tired.”

I was tired of feeling like I wasn’t being the best mom to my biological children. I was tired of the pressure to be mommy to my stepchildren. I was tired of trying to balance this huge blended family. I was tired of it all, and now I was pregnant AGAIN. How was this what God had for me?

There had been so much going on that led me to this point of transparency. I had finally accepted that I was overwhelmed, and it was impacting my interactions with my children, stepchildren and husband. I felt two of my stepchildren didn’t seem to accept me, and the other one called me “Mommy” more than my own children.

I found myself focusing so much on trying to fulfill my role as stepmom that I felt I wasn’t being the best mommy to my other three children. I didn’t want my husband to feel like I was doing more for “My” kids than “His,” so I stretched myself like a round rubber band, until one day I was ready to break.

Eventually, I just stopped trying. I became emotionally distant from everyone and did just enough to exist. I couldn’t figure out how to be mommy to all these kids and be wife to my husband. So for a few weeks I just existed.

Until One Day…

The day I decided to be completely transparent with God.

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What made the day so special wasn’t solely my decision to be transparent but more so His response to my transparency. After spewing out all my emotions in prayer, I heard His soft gentle voice say:

“I never told you to focus on being a mommy to them. I told you to focus on being Godly in front of them.”

What an amazing moment. God was giving me permission to take off the weight of those expectations and put on an eternal perspective for my assignment in their lives.

As I stood in the same spot, my tears began to dry up and I began to thank God for the liberty I had found in Him.

I was relieved—and I only needed a new mindset on being a stepmother.

I began to realize that since my stepchildren were older, they already had women that had stepped into their lives as mother figures but none were reflecting Christ in the way I could. He gave me permission to focus on being a Godly wife to their father, a Godly mother to their younger siblings and a reflection of Christ to them.

By changing the intent of my interactions, I began to relate to my stepchildren better. And from that point, a natural relationship developed—a relationship that could never compare to the one I tried to create.

When I changed my focus from pursuing acceptance from them as a mother to pursuing God and my eternal assignment in their lives, in time, EVERYTHING changed. I became exactly what they needed.

BMWK, What do you think your stepchildren need you to be in their lives?


Rachel Scott, along with her husband Willie, is the founder of “Better Than Blended,” a ministry dedicated to building blended families that thrive. Both were raised in single-parent homes and were exposed to the challenges of being a blended family at an early age. When Willie and Rachel joined together in marriage, they prayed to be better than the blended families they had experienced; they desired to become one family! For more tips and helpful tool on blending your family, check out additional resources on their website or connect with them via their Facebook Blended Family Community.

About the author

BMWK Staff wrote 1215 articles on this blog.

Content and articles from the staff and guest contributors of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com

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