Singles Ladies, Why Are You Trying to Do Bad All by Yourself?

BY: - 9 Sep '16 | Marriage

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I have been thinking a lot about gender roles in relationships. I’m beginning to understand through conversations with others in my field that gender roles are even more important in relationships than I originally thought.

Think about it. If a woman can do anything and everything without me, then what does she really need me for—other than a “jump off?”  Whether it’s because of the typical challenges facing black men or a growing female-empowered society, today’s black women have been conditioned and encouraged to be capable and prepared to take care of themselves.  In theory, that’s not a bad idea.

Theoretically, every woman—and man—should be self-sufficient (if not, at least striving to be). She should be able to provide for herself, cook for herself, care for herself, right? But if you can do everything for yourself, then you really, REALLY don’t need a man.

Yes, you probably don’t need the presence of another person to have a good life. But I personally believe there are three really solid arguments as to why a life mate can enhance your life:

Leadership

The first point is leadership.  Even the strongest of women can appreciate a strong man by her side—a man who takes ownership and leadership in a relationship.  I have yet to meet a married woman who doesn’t appreciate her husband’s leadership.

Leadership isn’t about imposing someone’s will on you or trying to totally change your life into a pseudo-dictatorship.  Leadership in relationships is about finding a comfort level with your mate, where she trusts your decision making and being a servant to your woman to make things happen for her.

Our best example of leadership is Christ. During His time on earth, He was a servant.  As men, we should look to that example of leadership to add the right kind of value to a woman’s life in that area.

Consider the sense of security that kind of leadership brings to your life, knowing that there is another person who cares enough to look out for your best interests.

Companionship

Life is difficult.  Even success is not easy.  There will be times when we need to vent, we need a shoulder to lean on and we need someone to celebrate our wins with.  As men, we should want to be there for our mates in every way possible.

We want to support her in her challenges and celebrate her wins.  We also want to walk with our mate day to day and add balance to her life.  Companionship brings balance to our minds and hearts—a balance that we can’t get alone.

Support

I know we hear that women are our “help mates,” and that’s true. For example, I’m sure you all have heard the idiom: “Behind every good man is a good woman.”

Well, it’s also true that women need our support.  Yes, they can use our help in tangible ways for things like replacing a light bulb, taking out the trash, carrying the groceries, co-parenting the children and entertaining her physically.  All of that is true, but they need our psychological and spiritual support as well.

Studies have shown married couples are less likely to have stress than singles. So a mate isn’t necessarily needed to support you in everyday tasks. But having someone to share your burdens and back you up can ease your individual pressure when the realities of life strike.

Women need to know someone has their back.  Women want to know that you are committed.  Ladies want to feel like they are your priority.

Some might define a “need” as an essential, meaning you can’t survive without it. As many of you can probably attest, there are many women who have successfully navigated through life without the help of a man.

But you can also define a “need” as something that is very important, meaning it’s non-essential but extremely valuable. And in this case, I believe that ladies need leadership, companionship and support.

BMWK, give us your thoughts? Can you truly have it all without a man?

About the author

Jay Hurt wrote 85 articles on this blog.

Jay Hurt is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship (http://9tenetsonline.com/about-the-book ). Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!

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5 Very Personal Issues That Are Getting in the Way of Your Happily Ever After

BY: - 9 Sep '16 | Marriage

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Whether you find yourself single, married or somewhere in between, trying to build a healthy, lasting relationship isn’t always easy. It takes time and hard work. Furthermore, it requires a level of introspection that actually makes most people uncomfortable.

But the more we are willing and able to take a closer look at who we are and how we move through the world, the more likely we are to develop a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.

When relationships start to fail, there is often a desire to place blame. Is it my fault? Is it his fault? Can we fix this?

The thing is, there is no need to place blame. Relationships typically go south for a number of reasons. And both people involved tend to play a role. Usually, if we play a role in why things are going wrong, then it doesn’t necessarily mean we are to blame. It actually just means that we have some stuff to work through.

So what stuff am I talking about?

You know… stuff. Those issues that everyone struggles with, but no one wants to talk about. Those issues that can take over our joy and rob us of our peace of mind if we fail to get a grip on them. That kind of stuff.

And although we all have stuff, what often gets in the way of finding that “happily ever after” love is our inability or unwillingness to deal with that stuff, so it doesn’t interfere with our relationships.

Here are five personal issues that may be disrupting your love life and what you can do to turn things around.

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Depression

Depression can be debilitating if measures are not taken to manage the symptoms. When someone is depressed, it affects their mood and can change their behavior. All of those changes can certainly impact the way someone interacts with his or her mate.

Because of the deeply personal nature of depression, we have to make a decision to get help if we want to limit how much it impacts our relationships. And while getting help isn’t easy, there are a number of resources available for people who suffer from depression and anxiety. It’s also helpful to ask for help from the people that love you most.

Fear

Fear can be paralyzing. And what’s challenging about fear is our inability to sometimes identify the root.

When you move through life making fear-based decisions, building a healthy relationship is tough. Sometimes our deepest fears are rooted in the past, believing that our current partner may hurt us in the way that a previous partner did. However, we have to work through our fears, so we can enter relationships with an open heart and mind. It’s okay to be scared, but it’s not okay to let fear control your life.

Professional Dissatisfaction

Miserable at your job? Unsure about what your next move should be? Frustrated that you haven’t started your own business yet? These are all issues that you have to work through.

Of course, your partner can support you as you work through these challenges, but the actual decisions you make are personal ones. Only you know what path you should take when it comes to your professional goals and doing the work God sent you here to do.

And when you accept professional dissatisfaction as a normal way of life, it starts to seep into your soul and negatively impact how you feel about your life. That will undoubtedly harm your relationship with the one you love.

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Health Issues

I firmly believe that it’s hard to be happy when you are not healthy. Our health affects how we feel throughout the day. If you are suffering from any health issues and you are not doing anything to manage those issues, your relationship will suffer. Ask your mate for support if you need to, but take action to get your health in order. I promise that the better your health is, the better your chances of improving your relationship.

Ask your mate for support if you need to, but take action to get your health in order. I promise that the better your health is, the better your chances of improving your relationship.

Trust Issues

Depending on what you’ve experienced in life, I know that trusting is not always easy. But you have to know that your inability to trust is typically your personal issue—not a burden your mate needs to carry. Now if your mate has done something to compromise how much your trust him, your need to decide if you are willing to rebuild that trust or if you need to move on. However, if

Now if your mate has done something to compromise how much you trust him, you need to decide if you are willing to rebuild that trust or if you need to move on. However, if your inability to trust has to do with your past, that is an issue you have to work through so it doesn’t continue to damage what you are trying to build. The foundation of all strong relationships is trust. Without trust, happily ever after is hard to reach.

However, if your inability to trust has to do with your past, then that is an issue you have to work through, so it doesn’t continue to damage what you are trying to build. The foundation of all strong relationships is trust. Without trust, happily ever after is hard to reach.

BMWK, what do you think are some personal issues that get in the way of living happily ever after?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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