Fakers, Haters and Deal Breakers—Keeping Outside Influences Outside of Your Blended Family

BY: - 19 Oct '16 | Blended Families

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Blending a family is hard work. Trust us, we know. We’ve had to deal with differences in discipline  on top of the common hurdles newlyweds face. But what we’ve found is that one of the biggest threats to your marriage and your blended family is outside forces.

The people who make up these outside forces are what I like to call, “fakers,” “haters” and “deal breakers.” If you’re already in a blended family situation and have run into one of these jokers, then you can just nod your head and leave a comment in the section below on my behalf.

If you haven’t crossed paths with one yet, then keep an eye out because you’ll want to keep this crew at bay. Also, keep in mind a person can possess all three traits, so beware.


The fakers are the people who think they know what’s best for you and your family without having any idea of what’s going on inside of the four walls of your home. They act as if they are so concerned about the kids. But if you look closer, it’s easy to see that they hardly don’t do anything in the best interest of the child.

Since public appearances are all they care about, they are most vocal when it comes to telling other people what you’re doing wrong in your family, but they won’t bring these same things up to you on most occasions.


The people who fall in the haters category aren’t doing anything else but living up to the name. They hate to see you happy. They don’t want your marriage to work, and they don’t want the kids being happy with a non-biological parent.

Since that’s the angle that they operate from, they’ll do any and everything to disrupt your happy home, including lying if they have to. You can never give into these folks.

Deal Breakers

The deal breakers are the folks who want to put an end to your marriage. If they need to manipulate the children and put them in the middle, then so be it. They DO NOT want to see anything other than you getting a divorce. In their eyes, children are just casualties of the war. They are straight ruthless so beware.

Now I know you are wondering what you can do to keep these outside influences exactly where they are…on the outside. Here are a few tips:

1. Live your best life
People who want to see you do bad just can’t stand it when you’re doing good. No, scratch that… doing great! So let your joy be your ammunition to fend off those outside evils.

2. Never let them see cracks in the foundation
That’s like blood in the water for these sharks. Often, these bitter relationship types will use your children as a conduit to find out what’s going on in your home, so the same goes for the children—you have to hide your marriage problems from the children, too.

If you know they have a biological parent, grandparent or some other party working against your marriage, then your issues need to be handled behind closed doors. You also need to speak with your child and let them know what goes on inside of your home should stay there.

3. Only associate with these scrubs when necessary
Sometimes, you just can’t get around dealing with these types of people due to custody, bloodlines, etc. In which case, keep your associations to a minimum. Nothing good can come from people who plot on your family’s demise.

4. Realize your children may just be acting out as an extension of these people
From our own experience and after listening to countless BMWK family members, I’ve realized that when a lot of kids in blended families act out, there is someone behind them pulling the strings.

This outside person may not say, “Do XYZ,” but what they do is sow the seeds of discord in the child’s mind. They make the transition harder than it has to be for everyone involved.

BMWK family have you ever had to deal with the fakers, haters and deal breakers? How did you handle it? What tips would you give someone in this situation?

Need some more guidance on how to blend your family. Hear from couples and blended family experts in our new documentary Blended: The Unspoken Truth About Stepfamilies Official Trailer.

Click here to get your copy


About the author

Lamar Tyler wrote 2229 articles on this blog.

Lamar Tyler is co-creator BlackandMarriedWithKids.com. He also is the co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing.


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