6 Possible Reasons Why Christian Men No Longer Want a Church Girl

BY: - 31 Oct '16 | Single

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Okay, fellas,  please help the ladies out. I skated around this particular question in a previous post, but I see I just need to come out and ask the question.

Christian men, what do you want in a relationship?

With so many pastors and leaders dating and marrying women who are not known for being “church girls”? It causes Christian women to question, what are Christian men really looking for?

Before I begin, let me state this disclaimer:  I am not judging the men or women who are listed below. God meets each of us where we are. I praise God that these women have confessed Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior.

However, for the sake of this post, I am basing my point of view on their public persona. There are so many Christian women who desire to be married. Due to their Christian beliefs, many find it hard to find a man outside of the church who possess the same values and standards they desire. So most look inside the church to meet a like-minded partner.

However, it seems as if they are the only ones. Over the past several years, many pastors and church leaders have gone outside of the church to meet, date and marry. Why?

I don’t believe this is a new phenomenon, however, with so many high profile relationships, this topic is quickly causing concern.

For example, several years ago, Bishop Noel Jones was linked with actress Lisa Raye.

In 2012, Pastor and studio executive, Devon Franklin married actress and self-professed party girl Meagan Good.

In 2015 NFL player Russell Wilson, a devout Christian started dating R& B singer Ciara. Their relationship received a lot of public scrutiny after his announcement that they agreed to remain celibate throughout their courtship. They married in 2016.

Pastor Jamal Bryant is currently dating R&B singer Tweet, who was introduced to the world in 2002 with her sexually-charged song, Oops. Tweet is now a Christian and has been deemed by Bryant as his Last Lady, meaning she is the “one” for him.

And just a few weeks ago actress, singer and talk show host, Adrienne Bailon celebrated her nuptials to gospel recording artist, singer, songwriter, producer and worship leader Israel Houghton with a Parisian-themed bridal shower.

Each of these ladies are beautiful and talented in their own right. And truth be told, there is no way of knowing what kind of personal connection they had with the Lord. However, none of these ladies have been affiliated or known for their Christian beliefs or values. The church is not lacking in the area of beautiful, talented women, so many Christian women are likely observing these romances and asking, why are they being overlooked?

Christian men what are you looking for? When left to our own devices, it causes women to question and wonder why. And here are a few theories that I’ve found currently floating around this topic:

READ: Christian males respond to this article with their own reasons why they don’t date or marry women within the church.


Savior Complex

Could it be that some Christian men pursue women outside of the church because of the savior complex—a man’s need to save the damsel in distress? Could it be that men see the women in the church not needing a savior, so they pursue women who need one?


Some Christian women are pursuing celibacy prior to marriage. Could it be that some Christian men don’t share these same values and desire someone who is willing to have sex prior to marriage? So they pursue women outside of the church who share the same viewpoint?

Too Holy

Women in the church choose to pursue a more disciplined lifestyle of prayer, fasting, studying the Bible, etc. Are these women too holy or too spiritual for some Christian men? Could it be that these men don’t want to be held to a higher level of accountability by Christian women? Could this be the reason why some Christian men pursue a new believer or someone who is not as mature in their faith over more mature Christian women?

Party Girl

Women in the church are perceived as having no social life outside of their church obligations. As such, they are pigeonholed as being boring. Although this is a true statement for some, it is not true for all. Could this general perception be the reason why Christian men pursue women outside of the church because they want a woman who is more lively and ready to have fun?

Sexual Experience

Many men have expressed their desire not to be with a virgin. Do Christian men prefer someone who has some sexual experience over those who have none?

Ministry Driven

Most women in the church are interested in cultivating their relationship with God and, in doing so, they begin to grow and mature in God’s purpose and plans for their lives.  For some, that means pastoring, preaching and teaching the Word of God.

Are Christian men intimated by these women because they are growing stronger in their faith and pursuing God’s call on their life? Do they feel their leadership or counsel will be questioned if they marry a woman who is in ministry?  Do they pursue someone less mature in their faith to grow with?

It’s possible that some, if not all of the above are reasons why some spiritually-mature Christian men pursue less spiritually-mature Christian women. But men, we would love to hear from you.

Christian men, PLEASE help the single Christian women out. Why are you choosing women outside of the church? What are you looking for? What do you want in a mate?

BMWK, can you help the Christian women out?

CLICK HERE to check out the follow-up to this article. Christian males respond to this article with their own reasons why they don’t date or marry women within the church.

About the author

Judi Mason wrote 61 articles on this blog.

Judi Mason is an Empowerment Strategist, whose mission is to empower You to become your best authentic self. As an accomplished author, Judi has garnered much success with her self-help books and workshops; including her popular Girl Talk: Relationship 101 events- which was birthed from her best-selling book, The Relationship Chronicles- Real Love, Straight Talk No Drama. As a sought after speaker, Judi uses multiple platforms from the marketplace to ministry; to enable individuals to pursue and fulfill their God ordained purpose with passion, in life, love and entrepreneurship.


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The Single Life: 7 Things Worth Considering for Your Pre-Marriage Bucket List

BY: - 31 Oct '16 | Single

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I don’t think my life will end when I get married. I don’t think it will begin either. Perhaps the union will be the sequel, the “to be continued” or the “happily ever after” to my current single state of mind.

I don’t live my life hoping and waiting for a husband. Yes, it would be nice if he comes riding in on a horse or in an environmentally-friendly car, but he won’t bring happiness.

For now, I’m enjoying my journey. Relationships and marriages are hard work. So it’s nice to exhaust my energy on myself for now. Before I jump the broom, I hope to jump for joy when I complete my Pre-Marriage Bucket List. I urge all singles to create a checklist of their own. Feel free to steal some of my ideas!

1. Take a Trip SOLO!

Subscribe to a deal a day website, and score an affordable vacation package for one. Traveling solo creates a high level of independence and self-reliance. Just make sure you select a safe city, and let your loved ones know where you’ll be at all times.

If you don’t want to travel abroad by yourself, select somewhere in another time zone. Or drive across the country, sightseeing along the way. If you can’t afford to go away, live in a hotel for the weekend. Then, relish in being able to pick a vacation spot without putting it up to a vote!

2. Break the Bank

Don’t literally break the bank. But do splurge on something special. Purchase a big ticket item, like a designer purse or a surround sound system. And enjoy not checking in with your partner regarding the purchase.

3. Make a Mess

Don’t make the bed in the morning. Leave your makeup or shaving products out on the sink. And let the laundry pile up another day or two. There’s no one to nag you about following the cleaning schedule, so enjoy the break.

4. Take up a Hobby

Swing by a club, pick up a paintbrush or beat a drum. Discover a new talent or pick up a new hobby. Try something new, and learn something new about yourself. Single or married, you should explore and establish your own individual interests.

5. Get a Makeover

Rock that Halle Berry cut you’ve been admiring for years. Dye your hair bright blonde or perhaps purple. Get another tattoo or piercing. You will always have your individuality, but when you’re single, you don’t have to ask for your partner’s opinion or get unsolicited feedback.

6. Adopt a Child

You don’t have to be married to be a mother or a father. Don’t wait on a ring to give a child a home if adoption has always been your dream. Give a young person a happy home and lots of love, no matter how many people are living under the roof.

7. Overcome a Fear

Are you too scared to quit your job, start a business, relocate to another state, tell someone you love him/her, jump out of an airplane or climb a mountain? Look fear in the face, and step out on faith. You will be a stronger, wiser person on the other side of scared.

Hey BMWK–What would you add to the list?

About the author

Heather Hopson wrote 60 articles on this blog.

Not long ago, Heather Hopson was an award-winning television host in the Cayman Islands. Today, she's writing a different kind of story as a new mom. She gives readers the key to her diary and shares personal stories about single parenting, dating, transitioning to motherhood and her obsession with being what her family calls an "activity mom." The site features celebrity interviews, parent spotlights and confessional videos. Follow her journey through motherhood on Twitter @dearmomdiary.


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