Try Again with My Ex or Move on to the Next? 3 Questions to Consider if Stuck Between Two Women

BY: - 20 Oct '16 | Single

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Fellas, tell me if this has happened to you? When you finally meet a lil’ shorty who’s got some potential after being single for a minute. And all of a sudden when things are looking promising, your ex-girl resurfaces, talkin’ bout, “I was just thinking about you. How you doin’?”

Or maybe it’s a situation when you swore you were done with your ex. But your old-girl texts you talkin’ bout, “I miss you. What happen to us?”

Now, something triggers inside you, imploring you to open a chapter you thought you’d closed for good. And you start doing the Mary J. Blige…and ‘reminiscing on the love you had’.

But SKERT! While you’re reminiscing on the love you had, also reminisce on the fights you had, the arguments you had, the misunderstandings and miscommunications you had.

But that was then, this is now – you figure. And you can’t help but wonder if your ex popping back into your life is a sign to give things another try. After all, maybe this is the Lord giving you a do-over. Or, it could be that tricky-old-devil tempting you, trying to derail your future?

Your old self would have came with this logic: If you’re working on something with Miss Potential, conventional wisdom says you should play them both until you decide which one you want. After all, who wants to get rid of that potential without knowing if your ex is going to work out? But you decide not to do that because you’re not trying to be that guy anymore.

But absent of new-wisdom, what do you do? How do you choose between your ex or the next?

The answer lies in three important questions you must seriously answer to determine what’s best for you to do. They are so important; I actually answered these questions when choosing from three women who were in my life at the time. And I’m happy to report, the answers to those questions landed me my beautiful, loving wife of 19 years now.

1. What do I know about her, today?

When considering between multiple women, you have to make the best decision with the information available at the time. So take into consideration all the information you know about each woman…today. And don’t worry about the unknowns of tomorrow.

Understand that, as your relationship evolves with whomever you choose, there will always be unknowns that reveal themselves over time. And all you can do is deal with that information, together, when it reveals itself.


2. With all the love, skills and resources I bring to the table, who can I serve the most?

Forget about how she makes you feel, the sex and all the fluffy stuff people reference to describe love. The bottom line is…happy successful relationships are all about what each of you are willing to do for the other person.

So, based on what you bring to the table, how much of it are you willing to deploy in service to make her happy—50, 75 or 100 percent? Give this some serious thought, and think hard about the reason you would hold back.

If you show me what you’re not willing to give to serve her, I’ll show you why your relationship won’t last.

3. Who Do I Trust the Most with Me?

With all the love, skills and resources you bring to the table AND with all the fragile, tender and emotional parts that make up who you are, ask yourself: in who’s bosom do you feel the most comfortable resting your head? Who do you trust the most with all of who you are? Who do you feel safest with?

When it came down to choosing between my final three women, I chose my wife based on question No. 3. I felt I could be my ‘best self’ to her. And question No. 4 confirmed she was the best one for me.

BONUS: Stop Looking and Start Creating

I got married at 27. If I waited longer, could I have found somebody better? Maybe, but I doubt it. Sure I could have waited until I was 30, 35 or even 40. But by then, I would have wasted 13 years looking for someone better instead of spending 13 incredible years creating a better marriage with the one I chose.

Even when I was engaged, I randomly bumped into an old flame, but I wasn’t interested nor even curious because I knew I chose a woman who I could build a strong life together with…And since then, my wifey has had me focused on another MJB tune: Don’t you look no more…Love without a limit!

BMWK, based on this information, should you choose your ex or the next?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.


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Ladies, 3 Character Flaws You Can’t Afford to Ignore When Choosing a Man

BY: - 21 Oct '16 | Relationships

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There is no perfect man or woman out there. If you are searching for the perfect one, go ahead and relax because you won’t ever find what you are looking for. But if you are looking for the right partner to spend a lifetime with, don’t give up. He’s out there. I am sure of it.

I think we all have a match out there. Finding someone you love and are able to spend a lifetime with isn’t some impossible feat. However, you can’t go falling for the first nice person who comes along. Before you even think about settling down, you have to be willing to ask yourself some really tough questions.

Are you settling?

Are you ignoring red flags?

Do you feel like you deserve better?

Are you constantly making excuses for your mate?

Now, anyone you choose to be with will be flawed. All people have bad habits and areas they need to work on. But there are some things we can’t forgive. There are certain character flaws that cannot be ignored.

If you are dating someone that exhibits any of the character flaws below, I beg you to pump the brakes and really think about whether or not this is the right person for you to spend your life with.


I am not suggesting people can’t stop being selfish. But I am suggesting that your mate won’t stop being selfish just because you want him to. People bring an end to selfishness when they are mature enough and ready to do so.

It doesn’t matter how much you love a selfish person, your love won’t change who that person is. When someone is incapable of putting your needs before his own, you have to move with caution.

Also, observe how your mate is with others in his life. Is his selfishness a pattern, a way of life? If so, do you really think he will just wake up and change?

You can certainly address this behavior with your mate to determine if he acknowledges it and ask if he is ready for change. But if your conversations always result in a lack of acknowledgement, you have to ask yourself if this is the person you want to be with forever.

Abusive Behavior

I know several women who have been physically and/or emotionally abused. I’ve always been there for them, but watching them suffer has been heartbreaking. No one deserves to be treated that way.

Even if it just seems like it is just a minor aggression. Typically abusive behavior doesn’t improve without intervention. It usually gets worse. And it can be almost impossible for a woman to convince an abusive mate to seek help. I believe in the power of love, but I also know that love does not conquer all.

Love won’t make someone stop hitting you. Love won’t make someone stop talking down to you. Love won’t make you feel good when someone is dead set on making you feel small. If you notice abusive qualities, walk away. It’s a character flaw you can’t afford to deal with and one you can’t spend your lifetime hoping to change.

Damaged Relationships

We’ve all made mistakes. We all have relationships in our lives that are hurting and in need of repair. But when you notice that someone you are dating has a pattern of damaged relationships, don’t keep moving forward blindly.

If a man is having trouble with his mother, his child’s mother and even with his actual child, don’t fall for any crap he’s feeding you about how everyone else is at fault.

If all the relationships in your life that should matter most are damaged, you have played some role in the demise of those relationships. There is no way around that fact. If your man is suggesting that everyone has done him wrong and he’s this great guy, I suggest you dig a little deeper to find out what’s really going on. Patterns like this should never be ignored.

BMWK, what are some character flaws you believe should never be ignored?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at To work with her, visit her at Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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