Yes, Single Christian Women are Killing-it on Tinder WITHOUT Hooking-Up

BY: - 6 Oct '16 | Single

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Flava Flav said it best: “Don’t believe the hype.”

What started out as a simple statement ended up in a huge group conversation over some wings and potato salad at a housewarming party.

Debra (we’ll call her), a 27-year-old Christian woman, commented to me that her sister recommended she start online dating. This wasn’t news to her because I told Debra she should start doing that when she was 25. But she wasn’t havin’ it then. But now that my sentiments were echoed by her sister…two manless years later…I wondered if she had softened to the notion.

Nope. She still wasn’t havin’ it.

That’s when I told her about a client of mine who is killing it on Tinder. Yes, Tinder (the swipe left, swipe right website)!

And when I mentioned Tinder…Debra and the room full of chicken wing-eatin’ saints were like, “Tinder??? Nawwww, man!!!” I felt like Dumb Donald on Fat Albert when he would say something stupid and Rudy would respond with, “Awww man…you got no class!”

Disclosure: I am not being paid by Tinder or any on-ine dating industry affiliate. All my views and opinions are from my personal experience as a relationship consultant for 16 years.

Eager to validate my assertion, I introduced exhibit A, TeNoiree’ (pronounced Ta-nor-ree). She’s a Christian woman in her early 30s. She was in a long-distance relationship for three years that didn’t work out. She was having a hard time getting traction on the ground from dudes in the area. So I recommended online dating.

Like Debra, she rebuffed the notion for several years. But after many man-less years, she gave eHarmony, Match and Christian Mingle a try. I wrote her bio and recommended the profile picture to get dudes’ attention without misrepresenting her values. I even pick some dudes that I thought had potential.

No luck. She only had two dates between the three sites over six whole months. They either lived too far or she wasn’t attracted to them.  But mostly, the pickings of available black men on these sites were super slim.

She ultimately got discouraged and inactivated all her accounts.

Then, TeNoiree’s friend suggested she get on Tinder. She was like, “Naw brugh! That’s just for hooking up.” But then, her friend said the key reason why I think Christian women should give it a try:

“That’s where the men are.”

Pause: Now…I know you’re shaking your head like, ‘So what…I’m still not gonna do it’. But just think about this. The most common places that interested men often approach women also have a stigma for men just looking for hook-ups. A bar? A lounge? The club? The gym? And don’t you dare say the church. We are some of the biggest freaks out of this bunch (the stories I can tell…whew!). But that’s not always the case, right?

Back to the story: So TeNoiree, reluctantly, created a Tinder account. A week later, she went out for coffee with some dude (Dude-A) that met a lot of her criteria. He was cute (she says). He made her laugh (which is important to her). But he was a little too pushy for the panties. That was a turnoff. But overall, he was a nice dude.

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Later that week, she met another dude (Dude-B) for drinks after work. He was blown away by her. They had a lot of interests in common. And he wasn’t pushy at all. She thought he was nice and funny with a stable career. He even did what gentlemen should do…he asked to see her again while on that date. TeNoiree was like, ‘Shoot…ain’t nobody else asking.’ “Sure” she replied.

The next week, she met another dude (Dude-C) for dinner after work. Same thing happened…he was nice, funny and attractive with similar interests. He wasn’t pushy at all. Very respectful. And he also asked her out for a second date while still on the first date.

That weekend, she was invited to watch the football game with Dude-B and Dude-C. She was feeling Dude-C a little more, but she already said yes to Dude-B first. The following week, she met another dude (Dude-D) for cocktails after work. Again, nice, funny, attractive, respectful, etc.

By month’s end, TeNoiree met FOUR qualified attractive men. She had four 1st dates, three 2nd dates and one 3rd date. Out of the four, there are two potential baes who meet her criteria and who expressed serious interest in her. She’s killing it!

But now, it’s starting to be too much for her…juggling all these men. This is not who she is. So she inactivated her Tinder account to dwindle down her options to at least two men to pick from (I’m pulling for Dude-C). Meanwhile, Mr. pushy-panties has been kicked to the curb.

So that’s 1 out of 4 men on Tinder who’s only trying to hook-up.

This case study of TeNoiree’s Tinder history doesn’t guarantee your history will be the same. But the moral of this story is, go where the men are online. And don’t believe the hype about what you heard about dudes on Tinder. Some of them aren’t looking to just hook-up. Some of them (like Dude-C) are looking for serious relationships. And even if they are just looking to hook-up, treat them like those dudes you already meet at the bar, lounge, club, gym and at church?

BMWK — Do you think it’s appropriate and acceptable for Christian women to get on Tinder to find a man?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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Fellas, Here are 5 Overlooked, Nontraditional Places to Find a Decent Woman

BY: - 7 Oct '16 | Relationships

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Fellas, when considering where to find a woman, I’m sure many of the traditional places come to mind. Places like a nightclub, the grocery store or church always come up when we think of places where we can meet women.

While, it’s true you can meet women in those places and create friendships and sometimes more, I think men should consider some venues that normally aren’t thought of.  Sometimes, these nontraditional places are places where you could meet the best type of woman for you!  Let’s explore these five options.

PTA Meeting

Sounds crazy, right?  If you have children and you attend these meetings to make sure you support the school fundraiser or silent auction, you know there are single (and available) women there as well. I can tell you I have met women in that environment who didn’t necessarily even realize they were looking for anything, but when the right opportunity came along, they were interested.

Also, meeting women in the PTA environment breaks down the barrier of whether or not you are interested in a woman with children.  You’re at a PTA meeting, so you KNOW she has children—and you’re okay with it.  She will appreciate that quality in you from the beginning.

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The Hookup

No, not that kind of hookup!  I’m talking about the hookup when your friends hook you up with someone.  Some people are apprehensive about these kinds of connections, but you have to remember that your close friends know you as well or better than anyone.  They know what you are attracted to, they know what you like and dislike and they know your values and standards.  Who better than them to find you a match?

I experienced this first hand.  One of my best friends wanted to introduce me to his girlfriend’s best friend.  Straight up blind date.  I was apprehensive as well, I really didn’t want to do it.  My friend told me she was an entrepreneur, we had similar interests and he believed I would dig her.  If I didn’t, no harm, no foul, I just met a new person.  Ironically, we had a great first date, and we have been inseparable ever since.  “The hookup” is how I met my awesome wife!

Take a Trip

You will remember Eddie Murphy’s character in Coming to America spun a globe and landed on Queens, New York and proclaimed he was going to find his queen…in Queens!  It’s hilarious in the movie, but it’s really not a bad idea.

Our surroundings get complacent.  We start to feel like we have seen the same people with the same cultural tendencies for too long. Try going to another city, state or country to find a great woman.  In my single days, I have taken trips to other cities to meet women in different environments. It expands your network, broadens your horizon of culture and gives you something fresh and exciting to consider on the dating scene.

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Professional Associations

I have a friend who realized his associations were some of his best connections for women.  He always says, “you begin with a shared interest, which gives you a foundation of something to talk about.”  The association also inherently tells you a lot about the depth of their interest.  Now, it’s up to you to do the rest.  You want to make sure you don’t affect your professional relationship, but there is definitely an opportunity for you to meet quality women in this kind of environment.

Conferences about Women’s Topics

Most professions have conferences, but those related to topics that concern women are especially great opportunities to meet great women.  If you can find a reason to attend a conference with women where you can align some of what you do with what they are talking about, you have found a great opportunity to connect with awesome women!

In my single years, I’ve made great connections with women at these types of events.  The best thing about these kinds of events is there is not much you have to do to make connections other than to talk to people who are already there to talk about the topic at hand!

These are just five options, but there are many other great places to find women.

BMWK, What are some other nontraditional places you have found a decent woman? Ladies, what other places should men frequent to find good women?

About the author

Jay Hurt wrote 85 articles on this blog.

Jay Hurt is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship (http://9tenetsonline.com/about-the-book ). Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!

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