Are Nice Guys Really Boring? Or Are You Just Avoiding Your Real Issues?

BY: - 4 Nov '16 | Relationships

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I’ve heard women say time and time again that they need some adventure in their lives—a bad boy. They say nice guys just don’t cut it because they are boring. That argument has always left me feeling puzzled because I can’t understand why anyone would intentionally avoid a nice guy.

Plus, what sense does it make to make such a blanket statement about all nice men as a justification for seeking out the not-so-nice guys who are supposedly more fun and interesting?

I think women who fail to give nice guys a shot are dealing with a lot more than they care to admit. Intentionally chasing men who can’t give you what you need because they offer temporary excitement is a recipe for disaster.

Now, I don’t think all adventurous and exciting men are bad guys. That’s a myth. But I also don’t think all nice guys are boring. All these labels just give people excuses for doing what they feel like doing, and it gives them the space to avoid any underlying issues that interfere with their dating choices.

So what are some things that might be getting in the way of a woman’s ability to find Mr. Right instead of just having a good time with Mr. Right Now?

You just aren’t ready to settle down.

You gave a nice guy a chance, and he let you down.

You think nice guys expect you to be too vulnerable.

Having fun is a lot easier than getting deep and settling down.

You expect more from the nice guy, so avoiding them prevents you from getting hurt.

You don’t think you are worthy of a healthy, loving relationship.

You think good guys are a myth, and all guys are grimy, so you might as well have some fun with someone you know what to expect from

You think nice guys can’t defend you the way you want, and they always finish last.

You think bad boys are better at protecting you.

Your own dad wasn’t a nice guy, so you are attracted to men who remind you of your dad.

You don’t have many positive examples of nice guys in your life.

Now if you genuinely just don’t have an interest in settling down and you are honest and clear about why you date the men you date, go for it. No sense in settling down if that’s just not where you are in your life.

But if you want to find the right guy and you keep ending up in crappy relationships with men who don’t treat you with the respect and love you deserve, pump the brakes and ask yourself why you keep ending up with the same kind of guy.

I am not suggesting that you settle for a guy who is really nice but fails to meet the rest of your needs. That won’t work, and it won’t make you happy.

But I think too many women make assumptions about men who appear to be too nice without really getting to know them. You may very well end up attracted to the nice guy who you thought was boring if you simply gave him the time of day.

So while the “exciting” bad boy may be what turns you on, keep in mind that the “boring” nice guy could turn out to be the best man you’ve ever had in your life.

And as you get to a place where you feel ready to settle down, focus on how a guy actually treats you, not perception. People aren’t always what they seem and the only way to find your Mr. Right is to work through your personal issues and gain clarity about the kind of man you truly want in your life.

BMWK women, what are your thoughts about dating a “bad boy” versus a “nice guy?”

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at To work with her, visit her at Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.


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One thought on “Are Nice Guys Really Boring? Or Are You Just Avoiding Your Real Issues?

  1. Pingback: Are Nice Guys Really Boring? Or Are You Just Avoiding Your Real Issues? « When A Man or Woman Is In Love

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Fellas, Take Notes: 24 Things Ladies Love About Men’s Facial Hair

BY: - 7 Nov '16 | Events

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Brothers listen up, the ladies have spoken and the majority agree, your facial hair just does something to us! In addition to looking good, this month those mustaches and beards actually speak to a men’s movement we’re all talking about.

The movement is “Movember,” an annual event encouraging men to grow out their mustaches and beards for cancer awareness. The goal of the movement, which has taken place every November since 2003, is to raise awareness of men’s health issues such as depression and prostate cancer, and increase early cancer detection. To find out more or to take the challenge, visit

Ladies are loving this particular cause because it helps save our men while also blessing us with something aesthetically pleasing to lay eyes on.  There is just something hella sexy about a man who takes pride in his grooming and wears his facial hair well. But don’t just take my word for it, here’s what a few of my friends had to say:

“I like facial hair as long as it is groomed. I think it adds dimension and depth to a man’s face.”—Angela

“Yes, if it’s groomed. I think it’s super sexy. It’s a preference.” —Barbara

“I like a small amount of facial hairnot caveman and unruly. It’s a distinction between men and boys; [it] adds more maturity to the look of a man.” —Chanice

“I like facial hair BUT I prefer that it be closely cut (goatee-style). I think close cut style facial hair gives a man a well-groomed, ‘MANLY’ look.” —Yolonda

“I love it. It looks mature and sexy.” —Tanya

“Yes, I love facial hair on men because it makes them look mature, a little rugged and totally sexy. When the facial hair is kept groomed and looking clean, it’s so attractive.” —Dilaun


“I looooooove facial hair especially when it’s groomed! It’s so sexy and manly.” —Ralsheene

“I like it when it’s nice and neat, but not if it’s rough and crunchy looking. Makes me think of a werewolf when it’s rough looking.” —Tracy

“I love facial hair when a man keeps it groomed it’s so very sexy.” —Brenda

“I LOVE facial hair…especially on men in their 40’s …it makes them look like distinguished gentlemen.” —Shaliya

“Well, it makes them look masculine to me. I love a man with facial hair. It’s very distinguished and worldly. And don’t let him smoke a pipe, it just adds to the fact that he’s a lady man.” —Gwen

“Yes, I love facial hair on men! I find it to be such an attractive quality when it’s well groomed.” —Roxanne

Neatly groomed facial hair is super sexy. And don’t let him smell extra good…. Total turn on.”— Crystal

Doesn’t matter either way, but I agree if he does have it, it needs to be neatly groomed. I actually like when he changes every so often.” —Tanesha

“Yes, I definitely like facial hair especially if it’s neatly groomed. It makes a man have a distinguished look, which is very sexy to me.” —Genia


“Facial hair represents a certain maturity that separates the boys from the men.” —Jessica

“I like facial hair on a man. To me, men who have facial hair look more distinguished.” —Andriea

“My perspective on men’s facial hair is that it all depends on the man; some look okay, better or extra fine with it. I prefer that it be neat and clean, I do not like the extra straggly look.” —Maya

“Only if it’s groomed properly (lined-up, shaped and neat) it makes them look more distinguished, manly and strong.” —Elizabeth

“I do love facial hair on a man. I think a man with a WELL-GROOMED goatee is super sexy. LOL.” —Ita Sca


“Yes I like facial hair. …it’s a distinguished and sexy look.” —Zamelia

“I do like a man with facial hair, the full beard all the men are wearing is very nice looking on a man. It makes them look real handsome. Not having one makes them look boyish, or a little teenage to me. I prefer a full beard, more manly to me.” —Tiffany

“I LOVE facial hair on my man! It gives him a certain sexiness that can’t be described.” —Ericka

“Yes, as long as it is neat and maintained and it doesn’t look like they have facial alopecia (meaning it’s spotty) and if they don’t use that black dye to make it look fuller; [it] must be all natural like they prefer our booty and breasts.” —Tekorah

Brothers, you heard it hear first. That facial hair matters. However, what matters even more is your health. Get those physicals and encourage your friends to do the same. We need you! Again, to learn more about Movember, visit

BMWK ladies, do you prefer men with facial hair or without?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit and


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