Single Ladies, How to Demonstrate that You’re Wifey Material Without Looking Like You’re Desperate for a Man

BY: - 2 Nov '16 | Single

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A group of fellas and I went out to lunch one Saturday afternoon. I was the only married guy there. As per custom, the conversation shifted to relationships and what guys are looking for in a woman. Ya know, standard guy conversation.

Then, they veered off into a lane I didn’t feel comfortable discussing—because it reminded me of the Facebook movie when Mark Zuckerberg, motivated by vengeance, created a website to rate women’s attractiveness. They started going through people they knew, determining if they were wifey material or not.

Wifey Material

As a relationship coach for 16 years, what I found interesting about their logic was that: before they would even consider a relationship with a woman, they had to already believe she was wifey material.

So I asked the question, “How would you know if she’s truly wifey material unless you get to know her first.”

They responded, “She has to show me.”

I tried to enlighten their logic about the responsibility men have to pursue relationships, but quickly realized their positions were entrenched in a belief much deeper than I could address over lunch.

And herein lies the quandary of many women, like my friend Patrice, who’s in her late 40s, single, no kids and never married. At this stage in her life, she’s tired of the riffraff who just wants sex with no relationship in mind. Now, she’s fallen back from the dating scene in hopes to organically develop a friendship (first) that leads to a relationship. But because of the riffraff, she’s not displaying her wifey qualities to a man unless he first shows that he’s interested in a friendship that leads to a relationship.

The Chicken-or-the-Egg Dichotomy

So you have this chicken-or-the-egg dichotomy: She’s waiting for him to lead; and thus is not going to put herself out there and display her wifey material-ness unless he shows he’s interested in more than just sex.

But he’s not going to lead unless he first sees her wifey material-ness and feels she’s worth the pursuit.

Which begs the question, which one comes first?

To all the Patrices who have experienced this dichotomy, here’s how you can switch your game up and show off your wifey material-ness, even if you have a guttural gag-reflex at the thought of looking desperate for a man.

Hyper-expose Your Best Wifey Character-ness

Take your best character strength. For Patrice, it is her friendliness. I’ll use that as an example. Take your friendliness, isolate and highlight their attention on it, like a neon sign. Be intentional about demonstrating your friendliness to all men—not just men you’re attracted to.

Why all men? Because, you avoid the appearance of looking like you’re desperately targeting one man. But in fact, you are just being your natural authentic friendly self to all men.

And when the right man, who is attracted to that specific wifey material-ness, sees the intensity in which that characteristic is displayed, he will deem you as approachable and desirable to get to know better. And that’s the beginning of the kind of friendship you’ve been looking for.

This will take some practice. So try hyper-exposing it to just your male friends first. It’s okay to use them as guinea pigs. Then expand it to men you’re not really close to. Then to men you don’t know that well.

Now, I already hear some of you saying, “But I already do this. I already show people my authentic self.” True…But you probably haven’t hyper-exposed your best wifey material-ness. You’ve only given them a peek at multiple characteristics…not your best one. Thus, guys who you think should have already seen your wifey potential,  probably aren’t seeing it. Or aren’t seeing enough of the one they’re looking for to see your true wifey value.

Through hyper-exposure of your best quality, they will definitely see your true wifey potential. And the right men, not the riffraff, will be attracted to you.

Now, what about the men’s responsibly to lead in pursuing relationships with a wifey? That will have to be addressed in another article.

BMWK: How do you think women, like Patrice, should hyper-expose their best wifey material-ness to all men?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.


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Ladies, 5 Things You Think Make You Look Good but Are Actually Major Turns Off for Men

BY: - 3 Nov '16 | Relationships

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Dating and courting has changed over the years—and thus, too, all the games we play to make ourselves more intriguing to the opposite sex. Sure, things like playing “hard to get” have been around in the girl’s dating rule book for centuries, but it’s taken on a different incarnation in the age of smartphones and social media.

So, ladies, whether you’re trying to woo a new dating prospect or attempting to take your early-stage relationship from casual to serious, the key to your success might be understanding these five major turn-offs for the modern man. Jet mag has the story.

OK, ladies, it’s your turn. Recently we wrote an article about what turns off women. As you know, our lists could be longer, but we kept it to five.

But what about men? What turns them off and gives them pause in a relationship? After interviewing a panel of men, I realized that as much as we may think turning on a man is easy, you’ll never fully succeed if you are always turning him off.

If you’re wondering what’s shutting down your relationship success, read on to discover the five ways in which you could be turning off your man in a major way!

1) Put down that phone, tablet, and laptop!

We are all hyper-connected to our technology, and technology is an amazing and splendid thing. Ladies, I get it. I realize the love affair you have with your social media. It’s all too easy to become consumed by Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and Facebook among the many other social media outlets. But too much focus on social media is one of the quickest ways to turn off your man.

When I spoke with the men on my panel, across the board, they stated that when a woman is more interested in her social media page than life itself, it is one of the biggest ways to shut down his attraction to her. Social media is not your job or your lover. And it’s important to learn how to balance out your social media use so you don’t leave your man feeling completely neglected or he doesn’t end up leaving you.

2) You are all about your man to the 100th degree.

Yes, men love it when you are into them. They love to have their ego stroked and for you to be attentive to their needs. It’s flattering. But clinginess, insecurity and no sense of self are so not attractive. You are much more interesting and become sexier in a man’s eyes when you also have a sense of independence and a life of your own too. Yes, you should have an interest in what your man is doing, but you also have your life too! Don’t forget to continue to do the things that attracted your man to you in the first place and that you enjoy too. It will make you happier, self-assured and that much more intriguing!

3) Not embracing your natural beauty.

Men like it when you change up your look. It adds to your mystique and mystery. But being too overdone whether it be by going overboard with too much hair, over the top makeup or just trying to be someone else rather than you quickly diminishes rather than increases your attractiveness factor.

It was rather funny to hear men’s opinions of what is attractive to them. All of the men agreed on the panel that a lot of what we do to increase our beauty doesn’t necessarily make you more attractive in their eyes. Most women, they stated, look better without the exaggerated hair, attire, and makeup. Just a reminder to be natural, feminine and true to yourself. This is the ultimate secret to finding your sexy and keeping your man turned on!

Jump over to to read the rest.

BMWK, what else do you think turns men off in the dating stages?

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BMWK Staff wrote 1259 articles on this blog.

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