It SUCKS to Have Friends Who Don’t Get Along with Your Wife. 6 Things Husbands Must Do

BY: - 5 Dec '16 | Marriage

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It’s the holiday season. It would be great to go to a friend’s holiday or New Year’s party with your wife. But then you think about the antisocial, disconnected mug that will be plastered on your wife’s face and how it will only make the whole situation awkward.  You’ll likely then find yourself trying to explain away your wife’s antisocial attitude…again.

So you ponder…should I go by yourself and have fun without her, in which you live out your dual personality…the one when she’s around and the one when she’s not. Or should I stay home, which will make me highly frustrated and resent her?

It sucks to have friends that don’t get along with your wife.

Before I got married, I expected my wife, BerNadette (Bernie), to fully embrace my group of friends. But Bernie is an introvert. I’m an extrovert. And so were all of my friends. So the disconnect was merely a personality difference. And nothing I could say or do seemed to change it.

But some disconnects aren’t personality based. They’re behaviorally based. Some wives genuinely can’t stand their husband’s friends because they were the ones that used to lie for him, get him into trouble or were/are negatives influence on him. Or, there could be friends who just have personalities that seem to clash with your wife—no matter how hard you try to keep the peace.

But what should a husband do?

Here are six things a husband who wants to stay happily married must do when struggling with this dilemma.

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1. Stop defending your friend’s over your wife

If God is truly doing a new thing in your life, then the old must pass away. By defending your friends’ cause against your wife, it’s making her feel like you are allying with your friends against her…like she’s  y’all’s common enemy. You can’t build a happy marriage when your wife feels like you and your friends are all ganging up against her.

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About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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Does Your Spouse Feel As Good About Your Marriage As You Do?

BY: - 5 Dec '16 | Marriage

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How often do couples put careful thought into the question “is this marriage good for your spouse?” Unfortunately, not frequently enough for some.

Focusing on our own individual needs seems to come natural for some.

There is so much power in viewing your marriage from the lens of your spouse. Here are a few ways it could benefit your relationship.

Thinking of your spouse when you make a decision makes your marriage feel and become the partnership it is. Believe me, your spouse wants to feel needed and included in the significant decisions you make. You’ll also reap the benefits by getting another perspective which could make things a little clearer.

Consider how your spouse might respond or react to your words or behavior prior to displaying either. When you’re caught up in your feelings, it’s easy to forget there are consequences for your actions. Sometimes you just want to be heard, and when it doesn’t happen, it sets you off. Of course, being bothered by something like that is understandable, but your reaction still has to be appropriate. Think about playing the whole scenario out in your head first. There will be certain words and behaviors that just aren’t good for anyone. Those are the ones you want to avoid when dealing with your spouse.

Asking the exact question every now and then will also reveal some needed details. The question “Is this marriage good for you?” must be asked. You can’t be fearful of the results. It’s like a performance review on your job. You may not always look forward to the feedback, but you also can’t improve if you don’t have it. So be willing to take it all in and sit with it once your spouse is honest and shares. Asking your spouse this question occasionally will provide you information you need to become a better spouse.

Being married is really something isn’t it? I liken it to an adventure where no two days are the same. When you think you have a handle on it, something might happen to remind you to try a little harder or give a little more. There may seem to be so many rules when it comes to marriage. But in my opinion, there’s really only one big one, making sure this is the best marriage possible for your spouse. If you put your energy into that thought, you’d be surprised how much your marriage transforms.

BMWK, is your marriage good for your spouse?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 634 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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