I have a 4-year-old daughter and I am currently pregnant with my third child, another girl. Of course this makes me think about all the lessons I want to teach these two girls about love and life. When the thought crosses my mind, the lesson that sticks out most is teaching them both the importance of self-worth.
I remember having low self-esteem when I was in middle school. I would walk down the street with my head hanging low, and I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. Those years were tough. Thankfully, I found my way during high school and college. I learned to love myself and understand my worth. I am so grateful for figuring that out at such a young age.
But now that I am decades beyond those teenage years, I realize that so many women still haven’t experienced what I experienced years ago. They have not learned how to love themselves and they still don’t have a great deal of self-worth. Sometimes I see it in the women I know well and sometimes it’s in the women I barely know. But no matter who I see it in, it typically looks the same. It looks like someone who settles at every turn, unable to say no to situations that devalue who they are. It’s so hard to watch.
When a woman settles, she sends a clear message that she will take what she gets because she doesn’t think anything better will come along. The things is, when you don’t think something or someone better will come along it’s because you don’t value yourself enough to believe that you are worthy of something or someone better.
But you are!
You are worthy!
You should love yourself! You should kick people to the curb when they treat you like crap. You should believe that you are worth more than some crappy situation that is less than what you hoped for in life.
Your man doesn’t need to be perfect to value your worth.
Listen, I know that relationships are complicated. There isn’t some perfect guy waiting for you to find him. But I do believe that there is a man out there who is perfect for you. I do believe that we can deal with the complexities of an intimate relationship without tolerating behavior that is disrespectful, demeaning, and straight up mean. Your man doesn’t need to be perfect to value your worth. He can make mistakes while still recognizing that you are a queen who deserves the best he has to offer.
How to Increase Your Self-Worth
So how do you increase your self-worth, regardless of where you are in life?
- You start with learning how to really love yourself.
- You take the time to know who you are, flaws and all, and stand firmly in that truth.
- You learn to love the skin you are in, even if you have hopes of changing your body through fitness at a later date.
- You take the time to reflect on your life experiences and get real about whether or not you need therapy to help you work through some stuff.
- You learn how to put your own needs first without ever apologizing for it.
It’s not easy work. It’s hard and it takes time. But it’s necessary work. And it’s even more critical if you are raising little girls.
As women, we add tremendous value to the world and to all the lives we touch. We cannot diminish the value we add simply because we are not clear about what we are worth. We deserve better, our girls deserve better, and the world deserves better. The world actually deserves to experience what you have to offer as a confident women who knows exactly what she brings to the table and why she won’t accept anything less than what she deserves.
If you know you are settling when it comes to matters of the heart, I hope today is the day that you decide to stop. I hope something you’ve just read compels you to move away from people who devalue you and move towards a journey of self-love. I promise that your life will change in the most remarkable way when you learn to love who you are and you finally see the value in what you have to offer a man and the world.
BMWK ladies, do you know what you’re worth? How did you get to that place?
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