3 Things to Do If You Keep Attracting the Wrong Man

BY: - 17 Jan '17 | Single

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Finding the right person to build a life with isn’t always easy. Sure, some people luck out and meet the right person when they are young and without much drama, but for many, dating is stressful and choosing someone who’s a right fit is often hard.

And for women who feel like every time they give this love thing a try they seem to end up with a loser, dating can feel like a frustrating game they’ll never win. I was fortunate enough to meet my husband in college. We developed a friendship and later fell in love after we graduated. But I know it doesn’t work out like this for most people. For most, the struggle is real and finding a mate that treats you with the love and respect you deserve is hard.

When I talk to friends and family about relationships and finding “the one,” I notice that so many women settle for less than they deserve and they do it time and time again. At first I didn’t understand the behavior because it was clear to me that they deserved so much more. But then it clicked. I realized that they were attracting the wrong men because they weren’t dealing with other issues going on; issues that have nothing to do with the men they are dating.

So what should you do if you find yourself in the same bad relationship over and over again with a different man? You change yourself. Yep, I said it. Not because you are a problem and he’s not, but because you will never have the power to change another human being.

When you find yourself in bad situations time and time again and you are the common denominator, you have to focus on what’s going on with you and what can you do to turn things around.

Here are 3 things you can do if you feel like you keep attracting the wrong man.

Spend some time alone.

I know this probably sounds so cliché, but there is some serious truth to being still so you can figure things out. When you are not in a relationship, spend that time getting to know yourself instead of using it to search for your next partner. There is nothing wrong with being alone for a little bit.

Read: Ladies: Until You Know Your Worth, You Will Struggle in Relationships

Most people who can’t stand to be alone feel that way because they know that being alone forces them to deal with stuff they probably don’t want to deal with yet. Alone time doesn’t have to mean you are lonely. Use that time to connect with girlfriends, take a class, deepen your relationship with God, and figure out what you truly want from life. If you are able to truly do that, it will decrease the likelihood that you will settle for less than you deserve when the next guy comes along.

Stop ignoring red flags.

People always start off by claiming they didn’t see any red flags. but I find that the more you dig, the more you realize that they did see the red flags but they chose to ignore them. I get it. When you have feelings for someone and you have invested time and energy in being with that person, it’s easy to justify things they may say or do that just feel a bit off. But don’t ignore those gut feelings. When someone you’re dating gives you reason to pause, you should seriously pause. Take some time to think about what lies ahead if their behavior persists. I know we want to see the best in people, but when people show you the stuff that isn’t so good, you shouldn’t ignore it. Red flags are designed to help us know when to run the other way. Pay attention and run before things get out of hand.

Consider therapy.

Before you get mad because you think I’m suggesting that you have issues, let me explain. I am someone who honestly believes that almost everyone can benefit from a bit of therapy. If you have any unresolved issues, then a therapist is the best person to help bring those issues to light so you can work through them. If you don’t work through your stuff, it will just keep showing up in all of your relationships, and no one has time for that mess, right?

BMWK ladies, what can you do to stop the cycle of attracting the wrong man?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Powerful Steps to Forgiveness and Healing in Your Relationships

BY: - 18 Jan '17 | Single

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I used to be such a no-nonsense person that when people would hurt or disappoint me, I would throw them away.  But after a while, I looked around and noticed that I was alone.  And I realized that I had to change.

In the beginning, I didn’t know how to change because the disappointment had been so great.  I slowly began to realize that I was holding onto un-forgiveness and allowing those emotions to control me. And that wasn’t good.

Forgiveness is for the individual. Yet your relationship cannot grow and thrive without it.

To change, I had to learn how to forgive.  I mean REALLY forgive. It took a while because I had to work out some of my own issues. As I began to forgive myself, I learned how to forgive others. As I started to apply the following steps in my forgiveness process, the dynamics of my relationships changed and so did I.

Here are the 5 steps I used to forgiveness and healing in your relationships:

1. Acknowledge –  Acknowledge the fact that the person hurt you. I think we all have this step down pretty good…sometimes to a fault. We are good at acknowledging what someone has done to us, but are we looking closer as to what part we played in the situation, if any?

To forgive is a choice that is made. It is a decision of the heart. Realize that once the infraction or offense has been committed.  Acknowledge that it’s done and I cannot change the past. Understand that people falter and may not always do what we expect or think they should do. Acknowledge your pain or disappointment because it is real. It is your reality. ` ~Deborah Mills, Author and Relationship Coach

2. Confront  –  Confront the person that hurt, disappointed or offended you in a calm non-aggressive manner. Be honest about your feelings. Allow them the opportunity to explain their actions. Be willing to agree to disagree. You might not like what they are saying, but you must give them the opportunity to express their point of view.

3. Discuss – Be ready for a discussion to take place. Don’t stay “in your feelings” during the conversation but be open to discussing the situation at length. You may discover that their behavior stemmed from your previous actions, their deep rooted issues, or just a bad day. But more often than not, they may be clueless to the fact that they hurt you at all.  Whatever the case, be prepared for their reality.

4. Determine –  Determine your next steps. Where do you go from here? Can you pick up and move forward or was this a deal breaker. Together, you have to determine the future of your relationship.

5. Move Forward –  Once you determine the next steps of the relationship, apply them and move forward. Don’t allow yourself to fester over what happened, but open yourself to the new possibilities that lie ahead. Choose to grow from the experience by applying the lesson(s) you’ve learned.

As you can see, I’ve come a long way from my early days. I think the greatest lesson I learned was you have to forgive yourself first. Once you overcome that hurdle, you will experience the freedom within to forgive others.

BMWK – do you find it difficult to forgive when it comes to your relationships?

About the author

Judi Mason wrote 61 articles on this blog.

Judi Mason is an Empowerment Strategist, whose mission is to empower You to become your best authentic self. As an accomplished author, Judi has garnered much success with her self-help books and workshops; including her popular Girl Talk: Relationship 101 events- which was birthed from her best-selling book, The Relationship Chronicles- Real Love, Straight Talk No Drama. As a sought after speaker, Judi uses multiple platforms from the marketplace to ministry; to enable individuals to pursue and fulfill their God ordained purpose with passion, in life, love and entrepreneurship.

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