After 8 years of marriage and more than 20 years of friendship, my husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. We have a good thing going, but neither of us is perfect. We’ve each made mistakes, for sure. And what keeps us together and happy is not just how we manage things when mistakes occur, but It’s also how we treat each other at all times.
I always knew that I would have to marry a man who respects me. Anything less would never last. I’m too feisty to have any man talking to me crazy or treating me like crap. But, I also knew that I had to make a choice to respect my man too. When a relationship is lacking respect and both parties talk to each other sideways all the time, problems are inevitable and finding peace seems impossible.
Being respectful and kind is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a decision that your partner deserves to be treated well, even when you are pissed off. You have to recognize that being upset or annoyed doesn’t give you permission to fly off the handle and act like it’s okay. It’s not.
So in an effort to keep my marriage happy and healthy, there are a few things I never ever say to my husband. There are certain lines I just won’t cross.
Here are 3 things I never say to my husband and I think all women should avoid saying to their husbands as well.
Shut the hell up!
I honestly can’t remember the last time someone told me to shut up, unless it was said playfully. I know it seems like common language when we all watch the Real Housewives of Wherever, but I don’t know too many people who are okay with being told to shut up. That said, I am always shocked when I hear a woman say shut up to her husband. Not only is it rude, but it’s also incredibly disrespectful.
You shouldn’t tell your husband to shut up when you disagree in private either because there has to be a better way to get him to quiet down so you can get your point across. But worse than a private “shut up” is when a woman decides to publicly tell her man those words. It shows that she doesn’t respect him or the role he plays in their relationship. I know disagreements can get intense, but we have to find a better way to get our men to hear us. Saying shut up just doesn’t seem like the most effective approach.
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I don’t need you
The last thing any man wants to hear is how much you don’t need him. I love my husband. And I honestly don’t have a problem saying that I need him. Why? Because he needs to feel needed and he also needs to understand what a significant role he plays in our family.
Read: I’m an Independent Woman Who Needs Her Man
Now as an educated woman with earning potential, I know I can survive without my husband. He’s not air. I don’t literally need him to live. But I do need him to live the life that I have right now—a life that I love. Your husband probably knows that you won’t actually perish without him, so he doesn’t need you rubbing that fact in his face. Just let your man feel needed. He truly needs that.
If you thought he was man enough for you to marry him, he should be man enough for you to treat him with some respect and dignity.
If you were a real man
May no woman who wants to her marriage to stand the test of time ever fix her mouth to tell her husband, “if you were a real man…” Talk about disrespectful! Listen; if you thought he was man enough for you to marry him, he should be man enough for you to treat him with some respect and dignity.
A relationship cannot thrive if a woman is constantly trying to emasculate her man. The one thing you should not be trying to do to your husband is strip him of his manhood. You can be as mad as you want to be, but let your man be a man… please. And if you feel like he’s not meeting your expectations as the man of the home, have a respectful conversation about it and consider therapy if needed. Making him feel small won’t fix anything.
BMWK family, what are some things you think a wife should ever never say to her husband?
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