3 Things You Should Never Ever Say to Your Husband

BY: - 13 Jan '17 | Communication

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After 8 years of marriage and more than 20 years of friendship, my husband and I have had our share of ups and downs. We have a good thing going, but neither of us is perfect. We’ve each made mistakes, for sure. And what keeps us together and happy is not just how we manage things when mistakes occur, but It’s also how we treat each other at all times.

I always knew that I would have to marry a man who respects me. Anything less would never last. I’m too feisty to have any man talking to me crazy or treating me like crap. But, I also knew that I had to make a choice to respect my man too. When a relationship is lacking respect and both parties talk to each other sideways all the time, problems are inevitable and finding peace seems impossible.

Being respectful and kind is a choice. It doesn’t just happen. You have to make a decision that your partner deserves to be treated well, even when you are pissed off. You have to recognize that being upset or annoyed doesn’t give you permission to fly off the handle and act like it’s okay. It’s not.

So in an effort to keep my marriage happy and healthy, there are a few things I never ever say to my husband. There are certain lines I just won’t cross.

Here are 3 things I never say to my husband and I think all women should avoid saying to their husbands as well.

Shut the hell up!

I honestly can’t remember the last time someone told me to shut up, unless it was said playfully. I know it seems like common language when we all watch the Real Housewives of Wherever, but I don’t know too many people who are okay with being told to shut up. That said, I am always shocked when I hear a woman say shut up to her husband. Not only is it rude, but it’s also incredibly disrespectful.

You shouldn’t tell your husband to shut up when you disagree in private either because there has to be a better way to get him to quiet down so you can get your point across. But worse than a private “shut up” is when a woman decides to publicly tell her man those words. It shows that she doesn’t respect him or the role he plays in their relationship. I know disagreements can get intense, but we have to find a better way to get our men to hear us. Saying shut up just doesn’t seem like the most effective approach. (Click Here to Get our “FREE 5-Day Marriage Communication Challenge Delivered Daily via Email”)

I don’t need you

The last thing any man wants to hear is how much you don’t need him. I love my husband. And I honestly don’t have a problem saying that I need him. Why? Because he needs to feel needed and he also needs to understand what a significant role he plays in our family.

Read: I’m an Independent Woman Who Needs Her Man

Now as an educated woman with earning potential, I know I can survive without my husband. He’s not air. I don’t literally need him to live. But I do need him to live the life that I have right now—a life that I love. Your husband probably knows that you won’t actually perish without him, so he doesn’t need you rubbing that fact in his face. Just let your man feel needed. He truly needs that.

If you thought he was man enough for you to marry him, he should be man enough for you to treat him with some respect and dignity.

If you were a real man

May no woman who wants to her marriage to stand the test of time ever fix her mouth to tell her husband, “if you were a real man…” Talk about disrespectful! Listen; if you thought he was man enough for you to marry him, he should be man enough for you to treat him with some respect and dignity.

A relationship cannot thrive if a woman is constantly trying to emasculate her man. The one thing you should not be trying to do to your husband is strip him of his manhood. You can be as mad as you want to be, but let your man be a man… please. And if you feel like he’s not meeting your expectations as the man of the home, have a respectful conversation about it and consider therapy if needed. Making him feel small won’t fix anything.

BMWK family, what are some things you think a wife should ever never say to her husband?

HOW TO LEARN BETTER COMMUNICATION:

Learn how to improve your communication almost immediately and reduce the amount of unnecessary arguments and issues that come up so easily because of saying the wrong words or sending the wrong messages with our Effective Communication Online Training System. On sale now!

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 488 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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5 Communication Strategies That Really Really Worked for My Marriage

BY: - 25 Jan '17 | Communication

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Communication strategies have helped my marriage tremendously. It took my husband and I years to learn the 5 strategies I’m going to share with you. And the truth is, we didn’t have great examples of marriage before us when we were younger.

As a married couple, we learned some things by watching educational marriage videos. But we learned even more through trial and error. Hopefully, what we have learned will be helpful to you.

Patience is the peace and resilience to respond with care every time. It’s not putting up with something on the outside while you are screaming on the inside – that’s called tolerance.

1. Only form an opinion after you have listened intently and completely.

Most of us form our comeback before our spouse finishes talking. Before they finish their sentence, we already know what we are going to say in response. Active listening requires us to focus in on what is being said. It causes us to listen to understand and hear our spouse’s heart.

2. Express your feelings regarding the conversation.

This communication strategy allows you to be true to yourself. Don’t lie just speak your truth in love.

  • If you’re tired express, “I’m really tired let’s talk about this after dinner.”
  • If you’re getting angry it’s okay to say, “Listen, I need to talk about this later when I can think clearly.”
  • If you’re feeling attacked try, “I feel like I’m being attacked right now. I need to take a break from this conversation.”
  • If you’re feeling heard, appreciated or understood let that be known at well.

When you express honestly express your feelings in love, there is a better chance your mate will receive what you’re saying.    

3. Remember you are on the same team.

This communication strategy is to communicate to share, for conversation, to strategize or to solve a challenge…but never to attack one another. Sarcasm and hurtful words feel like an attack. It breaks down the team and pushes you further away from your goal. Remember you are on the same team reaching for the same goal – a happy strong marriage.

4. Don’t tell your mate how they should feel.

Refrain from telling your mate how they should feel. That is a communication killer. Your mate’s feelings belong to them. They are permitted to feel however they do. This is not saying their feelings are lined up with the truth. It’s saying, this is their truth right now.

5. Practice patience in your conversations.

To me, patience is the peace and resilience to respond with care every time. It’s not putting up with something on the outside while you are screaming on the inside –  that’s called tolerance. Patient is a state of being. It’s a personal characteristic that needs to show up in your conversations within your marriage.

In marriage, good conversations have the potential to be great. Likewise, poor communication has the potential to be better. Like I said earlier, it took my husband and I a long time to learn this. The strategies that I’ve shared are meant to cut down on the time it takes to improve communication in your marriage relationship. They are not magic pills to make it all better, but good strategies that can help lead to a better marriage.

(BONUS: Click here to view our FREE Communication Training called “Stop Fussing & Fighting: 5 Keys to Successful Communication in Your Marriage!”)

BMWK – what are some great communications strategies that really work for you and your marriage?

FREE TRAINING FOR BETTER COMMUNICATION:

Stop Fussing & Fighting: 5 Keys to Successful Communication in Your Marriage - You'll Learn the Most Important Steps to Stop Fussing & Fighting and to Finally Feel Heard In Your Marriage! If Your Marriage Needs Better Communication This Is for You! Click here to get started!

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 181 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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