Don’t Let this Be You! 5 Things that Could Get You into Trouble on Valentine’s Day

BY: - 30 Jan '17 | Marriage

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In a few weeks, couples everywhere will be celebrating their love for one another. Some have already begun the planning. There will not only be acts of love, but I’m quite sure there will be some marriage proposals as well.

Valentine’s Day is the ultimate day of love and typically brings out the best in us as we shower our partners with appreciation, quality time and gifts. While all of that sounds really good, there may also be some mishaps if you aren’t too careful.

Believe me, you don’t want to to be in the dog house on a day set aside especially for love. So let this serve as a warning… here are 5 actions that might get you into trouble on Valentine’s Day.

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1. Being Clueless

Giving a gift that proves you know absolutely nothing about your mate will bring about some drama for sure. Nothing causes trouble more than your partner realizing you know nothing about them. Now is a good time to really start paying attention to your partner, if you haven’t already. Notice their likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what they’ve said they wanted or something they’ve been eyeing for awhile. Your gift should be thoughtful and in line with who your mate is. Don’t just buy a random bottle of perfume, for example, when your partner doesn’t even wear perfume. And if they do, you can also put some thought into it by finding out the scents your partner enjoys most.

2. Doing Too Much

Spending too much money might cause an unnecessary disagreement between you and your spouse. Sometimes we can go overboard in our spending trying to do too much. Remember your financial goals and obligations within your marriage or relationship and stick to those priorities first and foremost. Valentine’s Day may only be once a year, but you can be thoughtful and do little things year round.

3. Too Little…Too Late

Forgetting to acknowledge Valentine’s Day will also have your partner feeling some kind of way if you’re a couple who typically celebrates. You don’t want her coming home to nothing, especially if she’s watched everyone else around her get celebrated with chocolates and flowers. You’ll be in a much better position if you exchange gifts earlier in the day. Again, you don’t want it to look like you’ve forgotten this very special day.

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4. Hanging With the Girls

Choosing to spend the day with your girls or the fellas will set your partner off as well. This is the one day your mate will be expecting to have you all to themselves. Doing something other than that has the potential of showing your spouse they are not a priority in your life.

5. Being a Mama’s Boy

Buying Valentine’s Day gifts for your mama and even your children, but not your spouse, will quickly put you in the dog house. Your spouse might appreciate you being thoughtful to the other people that matter in your life, but they aren’t going to feel particularly good about being overlooked. They want to feel good about their place in your life. Neglecting them on a day made for lovers will surely do that.

Valentine’s Day is just once a year. If it’s special to your spouse, it should also be special for you. Look for ways to profess your love and appreciation while avoiding those things that do nothing but create discord between you and your partner.

BMWK, what are some other things couples do that could cause trouble on Valentine’s Day?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 619 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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How to Overcome Feelings of Doubt and Uncertainty in Your Marriage

BY: - 30 Jan '17 | Marriage

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It doesn’t feel good to make a decision about something in your marriage, set goals, agree to them, start out on this path of accomplishing these goals, and then start second-guessing your decisions because you have doubts.

And sometimes doubts can come out of nowhere. But sometimes they can come from outside influences.

When Lamar and I decided to take our business to the next level, he resigned from his position and we moved from the DC area to the Atlanta area. This was a well thought out plan that we made and worked on together. It has been the very best decision for our family and our business. So, I was shocked to hear some of the negative comments that outsiders made about our decision. But, I did not even entertain them.

Once you and your spouse come to an agreement, it shouldn’t matter what others think. However, you must be careful about those little seeds of doubt that people plant as they can cause you stress and turmoil in your relationships. You can let their opinions impact you without even knowing it.

You need to check your doubts as soon as possible and not allow them to fester or linger.

Over the years (especially when we were first married) I let outside opinions and negative comments plant seeds of doubt. And I definitely think that this resulted in arguments at home. However, I have been able to get beyond that by communicating with Lamar and working closely with him (keeping our bond tight.)

 

Doubts can impact your marriage in a variety of ways.

  • Doubts can make you question your commitment.
  • Doubts can prevent you from moving forward and slow you down from making progress towards your goals.
  • Doubts can cause undue stress and arguments.
  • Doubts will have you questioning the plan that God has for your marriage.

And so we are not saying that it is not natural to have doubts, but what we are saying is that you need to check your doubts as soon as possible and not allow them to fester or linger.

And our good friend, Dr. Harold L Arnold, Jr, author of The Unfair Advantage – A Grace-Inspired Path to Winning at Marriage, gives us the a few great ways to address your doubts when they arise.  Dr. Arnold says:

“Do not allow doubt to linger” 

“Do not feed into it.” 

“Be Confident in what God has spoken and invested into your marriage”

“Surround yourself with people who validate what God is doing through you.” 

“Take positive steps toward your goals.” 

“Repeat affirmations to yourself until doubt loosens its grip.” 

And If I can just add a few more things that we do when doubt rears its ugly head:

Set mutually beneficial goals. We made sure that both of us agreed to the goals/decisions that we made and that they were mutually beneficial. 

Have regular checkpoints. We had regular checkpoints on our progress and held each other accountable. If things weren’t   working, we had to re-plan. 

 Communicate frequently. If little seeds of doubt crop up, don’t allow them to take root. Tell your spouse how you are feeling. Communicate frequently and you will be able to re-assure each other and make plans to address the concerns as they arise. 

Remember you are a team. Always remember that you are a team that is working together on common goals. Be a team inside of the home as well as outside of the home. If you have disagreements about your family goals… work them out together at home.

Support each other’s dreams. This one is really big. If you don’t know anything about Lamar and me, know this…we are a team. We support each other in our individual endeavors as well as our common goals. 

Don’t give out votes. People don’t need to know your business and they certainly don’t get a vote!!   Enough said!!

Seek wise counsel. I am not saying that you should not have people that you consult or confide in, but have some discernment when seeking advice and counsel.   Sometimes your mama or your best friend is not the best or most qualified person to give you advice. 

Finally, know that you will never fail if you have each other. And real success comes from being able to love and support each other through the good times and the bad times.

About the author

Ronnie Tyler wrote 504 articles on this blog.

Ronnie Tyler is the co-creator of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com and co-producer of the films Happily Ever After: A Positive Image of Black Marriage, You Saved Me, Men Ain't Boys and Still Standing. The proud mom of 4 has been selected by Parenting Magazine as a Must-Read Mom and is one of Babble's Top 100 Mom Bloggers.

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