Get a Clue: 5 Signs You’re in a Situationship

BY: - 5 Jan '17 | Marriage

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What is a situationshp? Well, I’m glad you asked.  However, I’m going to explain it to you backwards. First, I’m going to tell you 5 ways to know if you’re currently in a situationship …or have ever been in one. Then, I’ll explain to you what a situationship is.

5 Signs You’re in a Situationship

  1. When you’re married, but you hang out socially with a guy that you have a better time with than you do your husband. Sweetie…you’re in a situationship.
  2. When a female always asks you for advice about how to deal with problems in her relationship, and she wishes her man was more like you. Big homie…you’re in a situationship.
  3. When you tell a guy you got a crush on him, but he doesn’t pursue you nor kick you to the curb. Baby-doll…you’ve got yourself a situationship.
  4. When you pour your heart out to a woman and tell her how you feel about her, but she tells you she’s not ready to be in a relationship because she needs to work on herself. And she still wants to remain close friends.  Moe…you’ve just been situationshipped.
  5. When he likes you, but he’s also messin’ with them. And you like him, and you know he’s also messin’ with them. Felicia…youz in a situationship.

Do any of these sound familiar? I know I’ve been in at least 2 out of 5 situationships…both when I was single and after I got married.

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A situationship is a relationship status between a male and female where there exists mutual emotional dependencies, with a splash of physical chemistry (attraction), but no commitment to a monogamous relationship between the two.

If this sounds like friends-with-benefits relationship status…it’s not. The difference is…the benefits aren’t sexual. They’re emotional. A situationship is birthed out of our human emotional needs for connectedness, belonging, and respect. Essentially, two people rely on each other for some kind of emotional connection and/or support, but don’t have a title. Yes, sex might be involved. But that’s physical…and is not the reason for the mutual emotional dependencies.

A situationship is neither good nor bad. It all depends on what your #RelationshipGoals are. For singles, if you are not looking for a serious committed relationship right now, but want to keep your options open in the future…it’s good. For, an emotionally strong situationship can lead to a very deep monogamous relationship. That’s how my wife and I started off.

Conversely, if you want to transition to a committed relationship with the man you’ve been talking to for months, but he seems like he has commitment-phobia…it’s bad. You could get perpetually stuck in the friend-zone.

For married folks, if you’re not getting the emotional connection or respect you want from your spouse and someone else is fulfilling this need, it can get very tricky. This is usually the precursor to an affair.

I was in a situationship with a woman and didn’t know it until my wife, BerNadette (Bernie), pointed it out to me. At first, I denied it because I didn’t recognize the signs. Then, I started noticing the mutual emotional connection we were sharing over ministry. That’s when I had to start pulling it back.

But she didn’t. She tried to connect even more. It was really awkward for a while. Eventually, it got so bad that she would openly address me in public and not my wife and seek my advice over her husband’s (yes she was married). It got tricky.

The final straw was when she told Bernie I made a comment about her body…a comment that would be inappropriate for a married man to say about another married woman. I did make the comment. But she flipped it…and made it seem to Bernie like the comment was reflective of some adoring feeling I had about her body. Fortunately for me, Bernie remembered the comment because I made it in a room full of married couples (our spouses included) as an appropriate joke among friends about how an Instagram picture made her chest look huge. It most definitely was not a suggestive comment about my feelings about her breast!

Bernie didn’t say anything to her at the time. She just nodded her head curiously like, “Oh!” When Bernie later told me what happen, I was done. I had to Michael Jackson moonwalk that relationship all the way back to: I’ll-see-ya-when-I-see-ya; don’t call me I’ll call you. Cuz you not about to mess up my marriage with this situation-shi%.

It’s important for you to know if you’re in a situationship so you can be clear about how to protect your emotions…and your marriage.

BMWK – Have you ever found yourself knowingly or unknowingly in a situationship?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 80 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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