How I Went From a Childish Husband to a Mature Husband

BY: - 31 Jan '17 | Marriage

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Okay so in the spirit of full disclosure, you should know that God isn’t done with me yet. But when it comes to being a husband, I can say I’ve come a long way.

When I first got married, I thought  it was about me.  I’ve got this beautiful wife there to serve me and meet my needs day in and day out…RIGHT?  Wrong!!!!

When I first got married, I thought  it was about me.

There were so many childish thoughts and actions I had at the beginning of my marriage, but as I’ve matured some things have changed…and so has my marriage.

When I matured, I stopped trying so hard to prove I was still a man.

I must admit, at times, I felt I had to beat my chest to prove I was still in control. I was defensive if my wife asked a question about where I was going or what I was doing.  And then, one day I realized how childish I was.

When I matured, I realized it wasn’t about control, but about concern.  And, it doesn’t make me weak for taking my wife’s feelings and schedule into consideration. I realized it wasn’t about asking for permission it was about being considerate.

When I matured, I stopped running away from vulnerability.

I used to feel that not showing emotion and keeping things in was asserting my manhood.

When I matured, I realized that if I can’t be vulnerable with my wife, then I can’t be vulnerable with anyone. It was such a relief to finally let it all out! It was also a relief to admit to her that I didn’t always know what to do or what path to take, and she comforted me rather than berate me. The maturity I gained in that aspect unearthed a new peace for me.

When I matured, I became more conscious about edifying my wife in public and to others.

I used to always want to play it cool about how awesome my wife was by downplaying it to others.

When I matured, I realized how powerful it is to edify and uplift my wife. She is awesome in so many ways and I don’t mind letting folks know that now. It doesn’t make me sprung….we’ll wait maybe it does….and I’m cool with that!

READ: How I Went From a Childish Wife to a Mature Wife

When I matured, I stopped thinking my wife was trying to control me.

I used to get so defensive when my wife would send me those “honey do” lists or send me text messages about things that needed to get done. I used to take it as her trying to give me orders or treat me like a child. In fact, I would often say “I’m not your child that you give chores to.”

When I matured, I realized that she was just trying to get things done so that she could create a good environment for her family. How silly of me! I must admit sometimes I still roll my eyes at the lists, but now I know it’s not about controlling me or dictating, she’s asking for help in getting things done in the home and life that we share.

When I matured, I understood the difference between SEX and INTIMACY.

I used to think that if there were periods of time where my wife and I weren’t having a lot of sex that it meant something was wrong. I would take it personal and sometimes it would create some tension.

When I  matured, I realized that sometimes being intimate is even more powerful than sex. Sometimes it’s the holding of hands on the couch, or the long embraces in the kitchen, or the date nights and compliments, and showing of appreciation for one another that is creating the intimacy. I’ve learned that true intimacy is about closeness and not just about orgasms.

I wish I could sit here and act like I was perfect and that my marriage is perfect, but the truth is that it’s not. The difference, though, is that I am okay with that and I know that it’s a journey.  And that journey is so much more enjoyable with my wife and watching us grow together is more powerful than any “perfect” union. I love my wife and she loves me.  And yes, we still get on each other’s nerves sometimes, but our marriage is so much better as I continue to grow and mature as a husband.

BMWK – let us know below.  What’s the difference between a childish husband and a mature husband?

Also READ: How I Went from a Childish Wife to a Mature Wife

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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Can Focusing on Your Looks Save Your Marriage?

BY: - 31 Jan '17 | Marriage

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I have heard time and time again that men and women tend to “let themselves go,” after getting married. Everyone has an opinion about why this happens and what it means to the quality of a marriage, and it’s really hard to determine how much it impacts a marriage.

And the thing is, it can happen to the best of us. It creeps up without notice.

I have to admit that I have changed since I got married. I don’t think I have completely let myself go, but I do pay less attention to my looks than I once did. My excuse?  It’s two kids, being pregnant with my third, caring for an aging parent, and trying my best to be a successful entrepreneur—these all have something to do with it. If I have to choose between hooking my hair up or getting my mom to a medical appointment on time, my hair loses every time.

But does this mean I don’t care about how I look? It doesn’t. I do care, but I have to be realistic about how much I can handle on any given day.  And I also have to determine what my priorities are on any given day. Sometimes I workout, get my hair done, throw on some lip gloss and get an outfit on that I actually love.  But some days just don’t work out that way and I have more of those days than I care to admit.

Some would argue that if you fail to make an effort to take care of your looks, your marriage suffers. After all, who wants to look over at the person you married, only to realize that you don’t recognize them anymore? And trust me, I get it. I understand that physical attraction is an important part of any intimate relationship.

But how much should it matter? Does your spouse have the right to step out on you or neglect your needs because you don’t look fly every day? Do you deserve to be criticized because you put on some weight?

I say “HELL NO.” I think part of marriage is hanging on to each other during life’s ups and downs, regardless of appearance. I would hope my husband knows that some days are downright hard, and looking like a million bucks when I have 101 things to do just isn’t reasonable. I also hope he’s intuitive enough to know that if I look tired and unhealthy I probably am, and I need some more help.

However, I also think that completely letting go of who you are or what makes you feel and look good is unhealthy for YOU. You have to make an effort. If your marriage is in serious trouble, I don’t think changing up your appearance will save your partnership. It’s rarely that simple. But I do believe that if you look good—even if it’s only sometimes—it has an impact on how you feel and how you interact with your spouse.

It also has an impact on your mood and how you move through your day. Yes, your appearance can impact how confident you feel, how positive your outlook is, and ultimately how your spouse reacts to you. It’s human nature.

But if looking good feels intensely difficult and you’d rather live in sweatpants forever, you have to ask yourself what else is going on. Are you just that busy, or are you struggling with something else, like depression? I love sweatpants and a low-key day (a lot), but when I have the opportunity to turn things up a notch and look cute, I take it. I get my hair done. I throw on some makeup. I find a cute outfit. I remind my husband that I’ve still got it, even if I spend most days hiding it.

So men and women alike need to be mindful of how much they care for themselves. How do you look? How do you feel? How have you changed over the years? Why have you changed? Do you even care about what you look like anymore?

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I think paying attention to how you look matters, but not for the sake of saving your marriage. (I would hope a marriage that’s seriously in trouble needs more than that to be saved.) It matters because it has a significant impact on your confidence and how you tackle the day. It affects how you interact with your spouse and your kids. It determines if you take more risks in life or if you hide out all the time.

Focus on feeling good.

Does this mean you need to walk around in stilettos with your face beat and your hair looking fly (I’m talking to the ladies here)? That’s not what it means for me. It means I can look in the mirror and smile. It means that my hair looks healthy, I love my lip-gloss, and I at least have on a shirt that I love. That’s all. No one is demanding that you look like a beauty queen or a GQ cover model daily. But you should at least feel like you are happy in your own skin, because that alone works wonders on your confidence and your marriage.

Focusing on your looks and how you feel shouldn’t be just about pleasing your man or your women. It should be about pleasing yourself. If you could care less about pleasing yourself, you definitely need to get a pulse on why that is, because I haven’t met anyone who has gladly and happily given up on looking and feeling good. There’s always something deeper. Find out what that is and get back to your happy, confident self.

BMWK family, have you let yourself go? Why, and what can you do to change?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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