It doesn’t feel good to make a decision about something in your marriage, set goals, agree to them, start out on this path of accomplishing these goals, and then start second-guessing your decisions because you have doubts.
And sometimes doubts can come out of nowhere. But sometimes they can come from outside influences.
When Lamar and I decided to take our business to the next level, he resigned from his position and we moved from the DC area to the Atlanta area. This was a well thought out plan that we made and worked on together. It has been the very best decision for our family and our business. So, I was shocked to hear some of the negative comments that outsiders made about our decision. But, I did not even entertain them.
Once you and your spouse come to an agreement, it shouldn’t matter what others think. However, you must be careful about those little seeds of doubt that people plant as they can cause you stress and turmoil in your relationships. You can let their opinions impact you without even knowing it.
You need to check your doubts as soon as possible and not allow them to fester or linger.
Over the years (especially when we were first married) I let outside opinions and negative comments plant seeds of doubt. And I definitely think that this resulted in arguments at home. However, I have been able to get beyond that by communicating with Lamar and working closely with him (keeping our bond tight.)
Doubts can impact your marriage in a variety of ways.
- Doubts can make you question your commitment.
- Doubts can prevent you from moving forward and slow you down from making progress towards your goals.
- Doubts can cause undue stress and arguments.
- Doubts will have you questioning the plan that God has for your marriage.
And so we are not saying that it is not natural to have doubts, but what we are saying is that you need to check your doubts as soon as possible and not allow them to fester or linger.
And our good friend, Dr. Harold L Arnold, Jr, author of The Unfair Advantage – A Grace-Inspired Path to Winning at Marriage, gives us the a few great ways to address your doubts when they arise. Dr. Arnold says:
“Do not allow doubt to linger”
“Do not feed into it.”
“Be Confident in what God has spoken and invested into your marriage”
“Surround yourself with people who validate what God is doing through you.”
“Take positive steps toward your goals.”
“Repeat affirmations to yourself until doubt loosens its grip.”
And If I can just add a few more things that we do when doubt rears its ugly head:
Set mutually beneficial goals. We made sure that both of us agreed to the goals/decisions that we made and that they were mutually beneficial.
Have regular checkpoints. We had regular checkpoints on our progress and held each other accountable. If things weren’t working, we had to re-plan.
Communicate frequently. If little seeds of doubt crop up, don’t allow them to take root. Tell your spouse how you are feeling. Communicate frequently and you will be able to re-assure each other and make plans to address the concerns as they arise.
Remember you are a team. Always remember that you are a team that is working together on common goals. Be a team inside of the home as well as outside of the home. If you have disagreements about your family goals… work them out together at home.
Support each other’s dreams. This one is really big. If you don’t know anything about Lamar and me, know this…we are a team. We support each other in our individual endeavors as well as our common goals.
Don’t give out votes. People don’t need to know your business and they certainly don’t get a vote!! Enough said!!
Seek wise counsel. I am not saying that you should not have people that you consult or confide in, but have some discernment when seeking advice and counsel. Sometimes your mama or your best friend is not the best or most qualified person to give you advice.
Finally, know that you will never fail if you have each other. And real success comes from being able to love and support each other through the good times and the bad times.
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