by Dr. George James, LMFT
You wake up one day and your clothes don’t fit the same way it used to. Too tight, it doesn’t lay flat or you see your stomach sticking out. It’s not that you stopped working out or had that extra cookie. Your body is just different. Blame it on metabolism, less testosterone or on the fact that you passed on the kale salad at lunch. As they say, you now have a “dad bod.” Overall your suits and jeans still fit but not the way you want. But that’s not the real issue. Deep down, your most vulnerable thought isn’t about how your clothes fit, it’s about does she still love me?
To hear, I still love you babe would fill your tank and keep you going…
It’s not the trending topic in the latest Men’s Health Magazine or Cosmo. It’s quite the opposite. Your six pack is gone (if you ever had one.) And you pride yourself on making it in time to drop off or pick up your kids from school, attend recitals and soccer practice and every now and then you remember to bring your wife some flowers. But you can’t shake this feeling that you lost a step.
So you do what any other “sensible” man would do – you are determined to prove it to yourself by trying to do your personal best at the gym without warming or stretching. Or, by putting on the outfit that everyone in your family wished you donated to the local thrift shop because you haven’t been able to fit it since college. Or, you decide to fix something in the house that you probably should call an expert to help you fix.
All of these steps produce the opposite of what you are truly searching for – – acceptance & reassurance from the love of your life. To hear, I still love you babe would fill your tank and keep you going.
But how do you get her to say it?
The best way is to let her know what you are thinking & feeling and what you need. As macho as you are, why is it so hard to ask your life partner “do you still find me attractive?”
The truth is, true strength comes from being vulnerable and open. It is an investment in your emotional well being. It is scary and an emotional risk, but worth it! So stop your worrying and “man-up.” Here are 5 ways to determine if she still loves you.
5 Ways to Determine if She Still Loves You
- Encourage Each Other – Everyone could use some encouragement and reassurance from time to time, including you! The more you encourage her…the more she will encourage you!.
- Be Vulnerable – Vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength. Show your strong side.
- Ask For It – To get the result you desire it’s important that you ask for that you want and need. Sooner than later.
- Coming Attractions, Give a Preview – Let her know what you need before you actually need it. I.e. Babe, every now and then my tank gets low and I need to hear from you that you still love me and that I’m still the man for you.
- Go Back to the Beginning – There is a reason that she fell in love with you in the first place – your smile, your sense of humor, your confidence, or the way you paid attention to her. If you are letting life get in the way of who you used to be, take some time to self-reflect and determine how the fun, loving you can reappear again.
Finally, check out the very first episode, of the new web series Funny Married Stuff where the husband is attempting to get his wife’s attention to see if he still has “it.” He does everything to try to figure it out except for talking directly to his wife about what he is feeling.
For more episodes and information about Funny Married Stuff go to www.funnymarriedstuff.com
Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships. Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com.
like what you're reading?