Stop Worrying Fellas: 5 Ways to Determine If She Still Loves You!

BY: - 27 Jan '17 | Marriage

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You wake up one day and your clothes don’t fit the same way it used to. Too tight, it doesn’t lay flat or you see your stomach sticking out.  It’s not that you stopped working out or had that extra cookie. Your body is just different. Blame it on metabolism, less testosterone or on the fact that you passed on the kale salad at lunch.  As they say, you now have a “dad bod.” Overall your suits and jeans still fit but not the way you want. But that’s not the real issue. Deep down, your most vulnerable thought isn’t about how your clothes fit, it’s about does she still love me?

To hear, I still love you babe would fill your tank and keep you going…

It’s not the trending topic in the latest Men’s Health Magazine or Cosmo. It’s quite the opposite. Your six pack is gone (if you ever had one.)  And you pride yourself on making it in time to drop off or pick up your kids from school, attend recitals and soccer practice and every now and then you remember to bring your wife some flowers. But you can’t shake this feeling that you lost a step.

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So you do what any other “sensible” man would do – you are determined to prove it to yourself by trying to do your personal best at the gym without warming or stretching.  Or, by putting on the outfit that everyone in your family wished you donated to the local thrift shop because you haven’t been able to fit it since college.  Or, you decide to fix something in the house that you probably should call an expert to help you fix.

All of these steps produce the opposite of what you are truly searching for – – acceptance & reassurance from the love of your life. To hear, I still love you babe would fill your tank and keep you going.

But how do you get her to say it?

The best way is to let her know what you are thinking & feeling and what you need. As macho as you are, why is it so hard to ask your life partner “do you still find me attractive?”

The truth is, true strength comes from being vulnerable and open. It is an investment in your emotional well being. It is scary and an emotional risk, but worth it! So stop your worrying and “man-up.”  Here are 5 ways to determine if she still loves you.

5 Ways to Determine if She Still Loves You

  1. Encourage Each Other – Everyone could use some encouragement and reassurance from time to time, including you! The more you encourage her…the more she will encourage you!.
  2. Be Vulnerable – Vulnerability doesn’t mean weakness, it’s actually a sign of strength. Show your strong side.
  3. Ask For It – To get the result you desire it’s important that you ask for that you want and need. Sooner than later.
  4. Coming Attractions, Give a Preview – Let her know what you need before you actually need it. I.e. Babe, every now and then my tank gets low and I need to hear from you that you still love me and that I’m still the man for you.
  5. Go Back to the Beginning –  There is a reason that she fell in love with you in the first place – your smile, your sense of humor, your confidence, or the way you paid attention to her.  If you are letting life get in the way of who you used to be, take some time to self-reflect and determine how the fun, loving you can reappear again.

Finally, check out the very first episode, of the new web series Funny Married Stuff where the husband is attempting to get his wife’s attention to see if he still has “it.” He does everything to try to figure it out except for talking directly to his wife about what he is feeling.

For more episodes and information about Funny Married Stuff go to www.funnymarriedstuff.com    

Dr. George James, LMFT speaks, counsels, consults, coaches and teaches people how to overcome difficult relationships problems and build successful happy connections. James has been a reoccurring expert on many radio, TV and online programs. He is also a reoccurring relationship contributor to Ebony magazine. James is a staff therapist and an AAMFT-approved supervisor at Council For Relationships.  Find out more about Dr. George James at GeorgeTalks.com.

 

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BMWK Staff wrote 1218 articles on this blog.

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What to Do When Your Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Like You

BY: - 30 Jan '17 | Marriage

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The feeling of your mother-in-law not welcoming or liking you is uncomfortable…to say the least. It puts you in a bad position.  I’ve been a daughter-in-law for many years and now I’m in the role of mother-in-law (or mother-in-love I like to say). So, my viewpoint comes from a heart that sees the best in each of these positions.

So, if you find yourself in a position where you are challenged by your mother-in-law, here are 5 actions that are in your control.

Edify her – build her up

Build your mother-in-law up with your speech. I’m not saying lie. She must have some good qualities. Focus on those. Don’t talk bad about her – she is your spouse’s mother.

Respect her as the mother of your spouse

Respect is earned – it’s a saying most of us have heard. I want to challenge that just a bit. Even though respect is earned, you can respect the position a person holds in your life. I’ve had to do this on numerous occasions with folks in my life. I know firsthand it’s possible.

Decide to love her

Love is a choice and a conscious decision. It’s a decision to be patient, kind, and slow to become angry. Love decides to do these things even in the face of it not being reciprocated. I’m not saying to put up with abuse. I’m saying show her love.

Let your mate know how you feel

Explain to your spouse how you feel and why. Allow them the opportunity to understand what is going on. Even in your conversation, refrain from talking bad about your mother-in-law. It will help your spouse to understand your concerns if you express them without attacking their parent. Set a positive tone for your talk.

Promote peace

Create an atmosphere that is nonjudgmental. Be at peace within yourself. If you are at peace, peace will exude from you. In your home, you set the atmosphere. When you have done all, you can rest and be at peace. No one has the right to take your peace BUT you can give it away. Keep your peace and set the tone.

Make room in your heart for your mother-in-law. It means becoming vulnerable. You cannot control how she treats you. You cannot control whether she respects or accepts you. You can control how you respond and minimize the effects on your marriage. Take the positive route and promote a good relationship between the two of you. NOW, this doesn’t guarantee her acceptance but it does guarantee you have made your best effort to be the best daughter or son -in-law you can be.

BMWK – please share with us your best tips for getting along with your mother-in-law.

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 181 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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