Time Does Not Heal All Wounds…You Have To

BY: - 24 Jan '17 | inspiration

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“Time Heals all Wounds,” has got to be one of the most annoying sayings ever as far as I’m concerned. I’m not quite sure when it started, but it’s just not true. Although its origins are probably well intentioned, it really does set people up for a lifetime of pain and unresolved issues.

If you are married or in a serious relationship, there is a chance you’ve been hurt before. For some of us, that hurt may be more profound than others depending on what occurred, but pain is pain.

Or maybe the pain you are feeling has nothing to do with your mate but is related to a tragic life experience you’ve had. Maybe you were abused. Maybe you lost a loved one. Maybe you experienced the heartache of a miscarriage. Maybe you have depression or some other mental health issue that’s been disrupting your life.

When we fail to put in the work, we remain stuck.

Whatever the source of your pain is, you have to work through it. The root of the pain has to be addressed, and you have to develop a plan for managing the pain and moving on. Otherwise, you just stay stuck.

I know that sometimes it feels like maybe time can heal wounds, but it can’t. As a matter of fact, ignoring those wounds won’t just harm you, but it will cause a great deal of damage in your relationship. Sitting with unresolved pain, waiting for time to heal it, is a recipe for disaster.

So what can you do to heal your wounds instead of just waiting? Here are three things that may help.

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Seek professional help.

I know there is a stigma attached with going to counseling or therapy in the black community, but I strongly urge anyone struggling with pain to move beyond that and seek help. Therapy can really help you identify the root of your pain, how it’s impacting your life, and what you can do to process the pain, heal the wound, and move on.

Work on yourself.

When we fail to put in the work, we remain stuck. So what does working on yourself even mean? It means focusing on wellness, exercising, going to therapy, staying involved in church, pursuing things you are passionate about, connecting with friends, and the list goes on and on. When we focus on personal growth, it allows us to have breakthroughs. Those breakthroughs help us process pain so we can move on to happier days.

Develop a strong support system.

I firmly believe you are as strong as your support system. Trying to walk through life and navigate pain alone is hard. Really, it’s unnatural. It’s not how God intended for us to live. You need a tribe, a group of people you can lean on for support, love, and encouragement. Having that allows you to experience all the goodness life has to offer, even when that goodness is clouded by indescribable pain. Your support system helps you survive and thrive.

It’s never too late to heal.

So for every person you know who brags about how time healed their wounds, please know that it’s just not true. That person put in some work. Maybe they don’t want you to know how hard it was, or maybe they honestly don’t even realize what they did. But know that work was involved. It always is.

And in the end, no matter how much pain you are in or how long it’s been a burden in your life, find solace in the fact that it’s never too late to do the work. It’s never too late to heal. Maybe time did you wrong, but with the right decisions, you will find your way back to peace.

BMWK family, how have you healed your wounds?  Do you believe time heals all wounds?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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One Way to Obtain Peace of Mind in Your Life This Year

BY: - 26 Jan '17 | inspiration

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I know, I know…you are already working diligently on your long to-do list and action steps to get you closer to your goals for 2017. I am so excited for you! I’m actually doing the exact same thing. However, you must add this very important thing to your 2017 goals list.

That thing is counseling. Yes, you read that correctly, counseling. I know as the year begins, we see and hear so many people committing to these elaborate plans. We attend vision board parties and leave motivated to find the cure for cancer. We scroll through countless Instagram posts with awesome inspirational quotes and Pin them to our Pinterest boards. This is all extremely cool and commendable, however, have you stopped to think if you have the mental fortitude to get the job done.

Proverbs 15:22 says, “Without counsel purposes are disappointed.” Well, there you have it. It is in the Bible that we should seek counsel or counseling. No matter who you are, you need it to get your mind right.

I know you got it all together with your fly and fabulous self. Your kids are super perfect, you have the best boyfriend or husband in the world and your bank account is overflowing with money. On the other hand, there are some of us, who have kids that are tripping in school and at home, we aren’t connecting with the men in our lives, and some of us refuse to answer the phone with a number we don’t know. Trust me, I’ve been there. I actually wrote a book about it.

I totally get the frustration and dread of facing these situations. When your home life is a mess, it is hard to stay motivated enough to get out the bed to grab the remote. There are just some things your sister and your girlfriends can’t help you with. I don’t care how many double stuffed Oreos you eat with your favorite wine or how many episodes of Insecure you binge on, life can still be overwhelming.

In 1st Kings 1:12, the Bible states, “So now come, please let me give you counsel and save your life and the life of your son Solomon.” This is powerful. Not only does the counseling help you but it helps your family too.

Here’s my suggestion to get you on track for 2017: dust off your insurance card, call the number on the back and ask about your EAP benefits.

According to OPM.gov“Employee Assistance Program (EAP) is a voluntary, work-based program that offers free and confidential assessments, short-term counseling, referrals, and follow-up services to employees who have personal and/or work-related problems.  EAPs address a broad and complex body of issues affecting mental and emotional well-being, such as alcohol and other substance abuse, stress, grief, family problems, and psychological disorders.”

Most companies give you eight free sessions.  And I use my sessions every year to get my mind back on track. Since Don switched jobs last year, I was able to get eight more free sessions. I used them over the summer while I went through a re-branding of my website. It was a stressful period for me and I was dealing with a lot of anxiety. The counselor was great and she loved hearing about the progress of The Real Wife Movement.

We’ve also used our EAP benefit for marriage counseling. I would highly suggest doing this to give your marriage an opportunity to hit the reset button if things are not where you want them to be. Our sixteen-year-old daughter used her sessions during the spring when she was struggling with school last year. My husband is even opting to get his free eight sessions this month to get clarity about what his 2017 will look like.

Counseling is one thing we don’t talk about in our community. It’s so taboo, but folks are suffering in silence. I implore you to look into using your free sessions for whatever you want. It can be for stress on the job, moving, having a new baby or, like I did, starting a brand-new business. Have this conversation with your honey, your family, and your friends. Let them know they are leaving free services on the table every single year.

And if you do not have insurance, then check with your local community health system.  Many will be able to provide you with afford services.

So do yourself a favor, add some counseling sessions to your 2017 goal list. Allow a counselor to help you jumpstart your new year. You will be glad you did.

Have you ever heard of Employee Assistance Program (EAP)? What are your thoughts on counseling? Has it been beneficial in helping you with challenges that you experience in life? Let us know below.

*List of  Work-Life Agency Coordinators for all federal government agencies. These people will answer any questions you may have about your EAP benefits.

About the author

Tanya Barnett wrote 15 articles on this blog.

Tanya Barnett is a relationship strategist, speaker and the “Real” Wife Coach. She is the author of Being a Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew, Before I Said, I Do”. She founded the Real Wife Movement™, where she equips single and married women with tools to create strong marriages and families. She is also the founder of Forever Free Books, a mobile literacy nonprofit, which delivers free books and story time to low income children in their neighborhoods and communities. She is a marathoner, triathlete and a serious book lover. She and her husband, Don, have 3 awesome kids.

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