Top 10 Cliché Messages Singles Say They’re Tired of Hearing in Church

BY: - 19 Jan '17 | Single

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The Church is doing singles wrong! At least that’s what some Christian single men and women truly believe.

Off the heels of an inspiring sermon that was focused on helping singles have better relationships in 2017, one young woman wasn’t impressed. There’s got to be more to this single life than this, she pondered. Apparently, she feels all messages towards singles in the church are the same old cliché messages.

There’s got to be more to this single life than this, she pondered.

So she asked her friends, on social media, what advice you’ve heard over and over again as a single person that you’re tired of hearing. What ensued was a bum-rush of frustrated Christian singles lamenting and venting about the church’s message to the singles. I narrowed down their list to the top 10 (+1 bonus) pieces of cliché advice singles are tired of hearing in church. And here is what they said:

  1. “Do you, serve God, get yourself together…and when you least suspect it, your Boaz will come. I’m #TeamDecadeOfDoingMe. I be tryna find new ways to be distracted so I can hurry up and least expect it.”
  2. “Be so hidden in the Word that he has to search hard to find you. #Ithinkhegotlostthough”
  3. “No sex. They don’t seem to think that there are actually those of us who have been abstinent for YEARS OR haven’t had sex before OR only had one or two sexual partners before abstinence. Not everyone who is single is having sex.”
  4. “Marry someone who loves you more than you love them because women can learn to love but it’s rare for a man to feel as strongly about you as you feel about him.”
  5. “Marry a woman you would want your daughter to end up like.”
  6. “Pay more attention to the state of woman’s heart and mind than how she looks or is shaped. But there’s nothing’s wrong with appreciating her outer beauty because God created women to be attractive.”
  7. “Get yourself together…pray to God that this person who is meant for you, so much so that you should nearly be sad giving up your singleness!!!”
  8. “Service while waiting (like really serve).”
  9. “Show what you’re waiting on by what you’re working on. If you’re waiting on a spouse, then conduct yourself like a spouse before you meet them. There is no automatic switch that changes you when you get in a relationship or get married. You can’t perform what you haven’t practiced.”
  10. “The church doesn’t appear to support “dating”. The church supports dating with intent.”
  11. “Set boundaries and have patience.”

Not only did her friends share their frustrations by chronicling hackneyed messages to singles, but they also told her how they felt about it (which I’ll share in my next post.)

So BMWK family let’s here from you. What singles advice have you heard over and over again in church that you’re tired of hearing?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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Relationships 101: 3 Reasons You Shouldn’t Ignore Your Jealous Feelings

BY: - 19 Jan '17 | Single

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It’s called the green-eyed monster for a reason. Jealousy changes you, especially when you’re in a romantic relationship. You’ll find yourself doing things you’d never thought you’d do when you suspect your partner may be attracted to someone other than you. Anger, fear, and insecurity are the cousins of this powerful emotion and so many of us have been taught to avoid jealousy at all costs.

But what if you didn’t judge your feelings as good or bad, and instead saw them as messengers that  come to bring you important information? What would your jealously reveal to you? Here are 3 things that jealousy can tell you about your relationship that may shock you.

1. You feel neglected

Are you feeling jealous that your boyfriend seems to have such a great emotional bond with his female friend from college? Are you feeling left out of the inside jokes your girlfriend shares with her co-worker? This could be a sign that your partner is neglecting you and giving more attention to someone else. Instead of acting on your hurt feelings by trying to control who your partner talks to, you could just open up and share that you want to feel more like a priority and less like an afterthought.

2. You have unexpressed expectations of your partner

Your girlfriend may not know it’s a deal breaker if she has a lot of male friends, if you haven’t talked to her about it yet. So when you get angry and begin checking her social media feeds, leaning over to peek at her phone when she’s texting, or putting your arm around her whenever he’s around, it may be a sign that you see these men as a threat to your relationship. The simple solution is to express your expectations, dislikes, and deal breakers with your girl instead of acting out on some suspicions that she’s cheating.

3. Your suspicions are correct

Sometimes, however, your jealously is a sign that you need to trust your instincts, especially if your partner makes light of your concerns. A study by Edward Lemay and Angela Neal, two professors of psychology, asked couples to keep a diary of when they felt tempted by someone of the opposite sex, when they thought their partners were being tempted, and when they felt their commitment was especially strong. They discovered that people were able to accurately pick up on when the other person was being tempted to stray! Unless you’re an insecure person who can easily feels jealous, even if there’s no evidence that you should be, chances are that feeling in the pit of your stomach is correct, and you need to have a long conversation with your partner about what’s going on.

Jealousy can help you grow closer together as couple by fostering deeper, more intimate conversations that help you both meet one another’s needs. But it can also tear you apart, if you don’t know how to handle it.

BMWK, what has your jealousy revealed to you? Were your suspicions correct? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 160 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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