What to Do When Your Mother-In-Law Doesn’t Like You

BY: - 30 Jan '17 | Marriage

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The feeling of your mother-in-law not welcoming or liking you is uncomfortable…to say the least. It puts you in a bad position.  I’ve been a daughter-in-law for many years and now I’m in the role of mother-in-law (or mother-in-love I like to say). So, my viewpoint comes from a heart that sees the best in each of these positions.

So, if you find yourself in a position where you are challenged by your mother-in-law, here are 5 actions that are in your control.

Edify her – build her up

Build your mother-in-law up with your speech. I’m not saying lie. She must have some good qualities. Focus on those. Don’t talk bad about her – she is your spouse’s mother.

Respect her as the mother of your spouse

Respect is earned – it’s a saying most of us have heard. I want to challenge that just a bit. Even though respect is earned, you can respect the position a person holds in your life. I’ve had to do this on numerous occasions with folks in my life. I know firsthand it’s possible.

Decide to love her

Love is a choice and a conscious decision. It’s a decision to be patient, kind, and slow to become angry. Love decides to do these things even in the face of it not being reciprocated. I’m not saying to put up with abuse. I’m saying show her love.

Let your mate know how you feel

Explain to your spouse how you feel and why. Allow them the opportunity to understand what is going on. Even in your conversation, refrain from talking bad about your mother-in-law. It will help your spouse to understand your concerns if you express them without attacking their parent. Set a positive tone for your talk.

Promote peace

Create an atmosphere that is nonjudgmental. Be at peace within yourself. If you are at peace, peace will exude from you. In your home, you set the atmosphere. When you have done all, you can rest and be at peace. No one has the right to take your peace BUT you can give it away. Keep your peace and set the tone.

Make room in your heart for your mother-in-law. It means becoming vulnerable. You cannot control how she treats you. You cannot control whether she respects or accepts you. You can control how you respond and minimize the effects on your marriage. Take the positive route and promote a good relationship between the two of you. NOW, this doesn’t guarantee her acceptance but it does guarantee you have made your best effort to be the best daughter or son -in-law you can be.

BMWK – please share with us your best tips for getting along with your mother-in-law.

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 177 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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Don’t Let this Be You! 5 Things that Could Get You into Trouble on Valentine’s Day

BY: - 30 Jan '17 | Marriage

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In a few weeks, couples everywhere will be celebrating their love for one another. Some have already begun the planning. There will not only be acts of love, but I’m quite sure there will be some marriage proposals as well.

Valentine’s Day is the ultimate day of love and typically brings out the best in us as we shower our partners with appreciation, quality time and gifts. While all of that sounds really good, there may also be some mishaps if you aren’t too careful.

Believe me, you don’t want to to be in the dog house on a day set aside especially for love. So let this serve as a warning… here are 5 actions that might get you into trouble on Valentine’s Day.

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1. Being Clueless

Giving a gift that proves you know absolutely nothing about your mate will bring about some drama for sure. Nothing causes trouble more than your partner realizing you know nothing about them. Now is a good time to really start paying attention to your partner, if you haven’t already. Notice their likes and dislikes. Pay attention to what they’ve said they wanted or something they’ve been eyeing for awhile. Your gift should be thoughtful and in line with who your mate is. Don’t just buy a random bottle of perfume, for example, when your partner doesn’t even wear perfume. And if they do, you can also put some thought into it by finding out the scents your partner enjoys most.

2. Doing Too Much

Spending too much money might cause an unnecessary disagreement between you and your spouse. Sometimes we can go overboard in our spending trying to do too much. Remember your financial goals and obligations within your marriage or relationship and stick to those priorities first and foremost. Valentine’s Day may only be once a year, but you can be thoughtful and do little things year round.

3. Too Little…Too Late

Forgetting to acknowledge Valentine’s Day will also have your partner feeling some kind of way if you’re a couple who typically celebrates. You don’t want her coming home to nothing, especially if she’s watched everyone else around her get celebrated with chocolates and flowers. You’ll be in a much better position if you exchange gifts earlier in the day. Again, you don’t want it to look like you’ve forgotten this very special day.

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4. Hanging With the Girls

Choosing to spend the day with your girls or the fellas will set your partner off as well. This is the one day your mate will be expecting to have you all to themselves. Doing something other than that has the potential of showing your spouse they are not a priority in your life.

5. Being a Mama’s Boy

Buying Valentine’s Day gifts for your mama and even your children, but not your spouse, will quickly put you in the dog house. Your spouse might appreciate you being thoughtful to the other people that matter in your life, but they aren’t going to feel particularly good about being overlooked. They want to feel good about their place in your life. Neglecting them on a day made for lovers will surely do that.

Valentine’s Day is just once a year. If it’s special to your spouse, it should also be special for you. Look for ways to profess your love and appreciation while avoiding those things that do nothing but create discord between you and your partner.

BMWK, what are some other things couples do that could cause trouble on Valentine’s Day?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 616 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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