3 Signs That You Have Big Commitment Issues!

BY: - 3 Feb '17 | Single

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Being in a committed relationship is a want.  It’s not a need or something you have to do.  But when you make the choice to be committed to another person, then they deserve your integrity and honesty and the best of what you have to offer. And if you’re not sure that you want to commit to a relationship, that’s OK too.  Just be open and honest about it up front.

As a coach who works with people dealing with relationship challenges, one of the toughest issues to work through is commitment. We can always recognize commitment issues in our mates, but it’s our own commitment issues that we have problems facing.

Let’s take a moment to address 3 signs that you may be the one with the commitment issues.

 

1. You’re Repeating a Cycle

In six years of relationship coaching, I’ve only talked to one man who saw good relationship examples growing up. Many of my male clients had little or no examples of what being a committed, loyal husband looks like. They never saw healthy relationships. They saw fathers that looked like a role model to the outside world, but on the inside, they were not accountable to their own families. They saw their fathers being unaccountable and are now following in their footsteps.

If you are doing the same things your father and mother did and getting the same undesired results, then take action to break the cycle. Find someone to talk to: a mentor, a coach or counselor.  And then surround yourself with men or women who have the relationships that you want to have one day. You will be surprised by the number of people who want to help you, how real they will be with you and how much it can change your life.

2. You’ve Got It Twisted

This one was me in my earlier years. I was literally committed to not being committed. I loved women, don’t get it twisted, but I couldn’t figure out how the good things in a committed relationship outweighed the bad. Looking back, I was honest, but short-sighted.

Many of us have become so self-reliant that we don’t know another way to live. We look at how much money we can make, how our career can take off and we don’t want anyone to inhibit our plans. Sharing seems good in theory, but not in practice (especially when someone  can get mad and take half of what you have built. )

And that was my perception of commitment. I had it twisted.  But I  learned along the way that my short-sightedness was really selfishness. I knew I wanted love, but I didn’t have the wisdom to understand what love really meant.

Once you learn that the essence of love is selflessness and sacrifice, then you start to understand the benefits of sharing everything you have with the one you love. Our lives are meant to be a blessing to others. When you understand how much you can love, honor and cherish someone else and make their life better, you realize that the benefits of commitment far outweigh any challenges you may face along the way.

READ: 4 Commitments for Christians That’ll Determine Their Readiness for Marriage

3. You’re Good… Boo

There are those out there who truly just don’t want to commit to a relationship. And it’s ok.  But societal pressures can be tough. You’re constantly being asked why you aren’t married yet, your parents are always asking about grandchildren, and people are trying to figure out what’s wrong with  because anybody this old and single must have some serious problems. All of these things and more the reason why you may be hiding the truth..which is that you really don’t want to commit because you are single, and LOVING IT! You’re good…boo!

There’s nothing wrong with being single, especially when you are comfortable with who you are and where you are in your life. You don’t have to date, you don’t have to be married or have children. You are not required to do any of these things. More importantly, you don’t have to cater to anyone or succumb to pressure to do something you don’t want to do—which isn’t going to work out anyway. So embrace your singleness! Enjoy it!  And don’t let others try to live vicariously through you. Live your life! Do you!

BMWK – why is it so hard for people to admit that they don’t want to be in committed relationships?

About the author

Jay Hurt wrote 85 articles on this blog.

Jay Hurt is a Relationship Coach, columnist and author of the book, The 9 Tenets of a Successful Relationship (http://9tenetsonline.com/about-the-book ). Jay’s focus is working with people who want to design better relationships and get more out of life!

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3 Major Signs That the Man You’re Dating Just Isn’t Trustworthy

BY: - 3 Feb '17 | Single

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Trust is the cornerstone of any good relationship. If you don’t trust your man, it’s a major problem. When I decided to get married, I did it knowing that I truly trusted my man. And I mean “for real” trust, not that fake trust when you say you trust someone but you are still trying to scroll through his text messages kind of trust. I’ve honestly never had the time or energy for that fake trust.

But how do you know if someone is trustworthy?

Time and experience really are the best indicators. We usually get signs every day about whether or not we can trust someone. Unfortunately, we often choose to ignore most of those signs that are telling us the guy in our lives can’t be trusted at all.

But why ignore signs that are there to tell you to run the other way?

Because you want to see the best in people. You don’t want to jump to conclusions. And you believe that most people are inherently good. And those are actually not bad qualities to have. You should be well informed instead of walking around thinking that every guy you meet is a lying fool. But there is a difference between being cautiously optimistic and letting some dude play you for a fool.

Here are 3 signs that your man is not trustworthy. Don’t ignore them!

He’s cheated.

Okay, I hate to say that cheating means someone is automatically a loser because that isn’t true. People make mistakes. But cheating also tells you a lot about someone’s character and whether or not you can trust him.

It’s up to you to decide if you can accept his reason for cheating and if you believe the story about how and why it happened. But when you are in the dating stages and a man cheats, think long and hard about whether or not you truly have a future and if this man is worthy of your love. If he doesn’t respect your enough to stay faithful now, you have to wonder if he will be able to do so years down the line.

He lies about little the things.

Back when I was dating, I would always wonder long and hard about a guy that lied about little things like where he works, how much he makes, where he went to school, and all that stuff. Talk about signs of a pathological liar. A guy that lies about foolish details won’t hesitate to lie to you about the things that truly matter. That’s just a fact. So before you go making excuses for his “little” lies, you should ask yourself if you are okay with big ones because those are sure to follow.

READ: Got Trust Issues? Follow These 3 Tips to Pick Better Partners

You can’t depend on him.

Reliability and honesty go hand in hand. If your man tells you that he will do something or he will be there for you, he has to mean it and follow through. His failure to do so should tell you a lot about who he is. If I can’t depend on someone, it tells me that I can’t trust that person because he doesn’t always come through.

Do you want to spend your life worrying about if your man is going to do what he says he will do? Do you always want to wonder how much you can truly depend on him? I know I don’t. I’ve learned that a trustworthy man is often a dependable man. He means what he says and he says what he means.

Ladies…If these signs are consistently popping up in your relationship, don’t just ignore them.  The signs are there for a reason. If the man you are dating shows you that he isn’t trustworthy, don’t be afraid to walk away. Don’t continue to invest time in justifying his behaviors or his “little lies” and move on.

Despite what so many women believe, there is someone out there that is worthy of your trust.

BMWK ladies, what signs do you look out for to determine if your man is trustworthy?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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