8 Things, Other Than Sex, That Will Truly Make Your Husband Happy

BY: - 16 Feb '17 | Marriage

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Truth be told, before Valentine’s Day, Clay and Teresa weren’t all lovey-dovey. But as the big day approached, Clay was like, ‘I got to be on good behavior leading up to it so I don’t mess up the big day.’ But in his heart, he wasn’t feeling her like he used to.

After 12 years together, six of them as husband and wife, he simply wasn’t happy with his marriage anymore. But he didn’t know why.

Valentine’s Day arrived. The dinner was nice. The cards were thoughtful. They had some ugly-face-making sex. But now that Valentine’s Day is in his rear view mirror, Clay is longing for something more than sex.

Don’t get me wrong, Clay wants and needs sex. But is sex enough to sustain happiness for men? In an era where the myth is propagated, ‘if you give a man the ‘cookie’, he’ll be alright’….absolutely not.

I love my assortment of three cookies I get when I go to Subway’s, but men like Clay and me need more than the dopamine rush we get from sugar…and sex…to sustain us. The happiness felt within a relationship is derived from the following 8 things.

  1. True Love – What does true love really mean? On its face, it’s totally subjective. But at its core, true love is the willingness to give of yourself for the benefit of someone else. Like a mother does for her son, she gives everything for his benefit. A husband doesn’t want his wife to treat him like her son. But he does want to feel like she’s willing to give of herself for his benefit.
  2. Good/Deep Conversation – I knew it was time for me to get married when I wanted to have a good conversation with a woman. But most of the women I knew weren’t talking about nothing. Or, I didn’t care about their opinion…because I didn’t care about them. Sounds cold. I know. But it’s true. Good/deep conversation for men means we respect you and want to hear what you have to say.
  3. True Friendship – True friendship is different than true love in this way: it’s not about sacrificing for a man; it’s about commonality, understanding one another, accepting one another, and struggling through adversity together. These are the ingredients that make up a friendship. And husbands want to connect to their wives in this way.
  4. Emotional maturity – Maturity is another subjective term that depends on your age and station in life. A wife’s capacity to handle stress, pressure, fear, and things not going her way should be commensurate with social norms for your age and station. Otherwise, he’s just tolerating you.
  5. Spiritual Connection – Spiritual accord within a family is sometimes elusive. But when both of you are on the same accord spiritually, your faith and belief systems are aligned. How you actually live out your faith may vary, according to your divine purposes. But at least the core beliefs of who the both of you are will be aligned.
  6. Trust – Trust is not always about cheating. Much more than that, it’s about trusting your spouse to do what she says she’s going to do, to follow through on her word, and to be sincere and truthful. This door swings both ways. But no sustainable relationship can exist without it.
  7. Loyalty – There’s a lot of competition for a woman’s loyalty. There are the tangible things like her in-laws, children, work, friends, side-businesses, and volunteer organizations. Then there’s the intangible like your past, your pain, and the power you’ve accumulated. These loyalties can make a man feel like everybody and everything is more important than him. Make sure you prioritize him.
  8. Fun – The reason you probably got married was because you wanted to enjoy life with the one you love. But somewhere in between then and now, enjoying life was exchanged with tasks, chores, roles, and responsibilities. It’s the classic ‘all work and no play’ scenario. Having fun with your spouse is an important part of being happily married. Without it, you lose touch with why you got married in the first place.

You don’t have to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets for your husband to be happy. It won’t hurt. But if that’s your default plan for making your husband happy, broaden your scope to include the above eight things to sure you have a more meaningful connection with your husband.

BMWK – Wives, what things, other than sex, truly make your husband happy?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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15 Signs You are Single-Handedly Sabotaging Your Marriage

BY: - 17 Feb '17 | Marriage

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Everyone always talks about how hard it is to build and sustain a healthy, happy relationship.  And I agree. And no, it’s not all hard work. I have plenty of fun with my husband and I cherish all of those good times. But, I can definitely acknowledge that it’s not always fun and games.

Sometimes it’s challenging as hell.

But we all make decisions, every day, that can either help or hurt our relationships. And when it comes to making decisions that hurt, those are the decisions that make this thing called love and marriage hard—maybe even downright painful.

And one thing that hurts our relationships the most is when we begin sabotaging things. But what does that even mean, right? Why would anyone get married and decide to sabotage things?

The thing is, it isn’t always a choice. Sabotage is something that many people do subconsciously.

But why damage something that you want to last a lifetime, right?

The reasons vary, really. For some it has to do with past relationships, while for others it has to do with other personal issues. But regardless of the reason, there is no question that the sabotage is damaging.

If you are reading this and wondering if you’re sabotaging your union, here are a few questions you should ask yourself.

  1. Do I pick fights often?
  2. Do I make assumptions instead of communicating with my spouse?
  3. Do I shut down even though my spouse tries to keep the lines of communication open?
  4. Do I hide information from my spouse and claim it’s for her own good?
  5. Do I distrust my spouse, even though he has never done anything to make me question his honesty?
  6. Do I think I’m always right?
  7. Do I constantly criticize my spouse?
  8. Do I consistently withhold intimacy as a way to punish my spouse?
  9. Do I always play the victim?
  10. Do I remind my spouse that I don’t need him because I can do bad all by myself.
  11. Do I love drama?
  12. Do I constantly threaten to leave her when things get tough in the relationship?
  13. Do I constantly downplay my spouse’s needs?
  14. Do I discourage my spouse’s dreams?
  15. Do I refuse to to get help for our marriage, even though we are having serious problems?

These questions should serve as a starting point. If you answered yes to several of these questions, does it mean your relationship is destined for failure? Not at all. But it does mean that you have some work to do. It means that something in your past—either with your current partner or from a previous relationship—is possibly lingering and interfering with your ability to foster a healthy relationship right now. It could even mean that you have unresolved personal issues that are driving your decisions.

But remember that sabotage is not about assigning blame. It doesn’t need to be anyone’s fault. When you realize that sabotage is occurring, your focus should simply be about identifying why it’s going on and determining what you can do to change things.

Yes, marriage is hard work. Even with husband and wife doing the best they can, it is tough to create a relationship that will stand the test of time. That’s why you don’t need to do anything individually or collectively to harm your union. You have enough to contend with. Sabotage just complicates things and adds a layer of stress and drama your relationship doesn’t need.

BMWK family – what other ways can a spouse sabotage their marriage?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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