9 Things You Do…But Would Have a Fit If Your Spouse Did Them Too

BY: - 23 Feb '17 | Marriage

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I am a firm believer in the golden rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. But oftentimes in relationships, we don’t put this rule into practice! Many times, we don’t step back to think about how we would feel if our spouse treated us the way that we treat them.

So let’s step back and think of some things that we need to take into consideration!

1. What if your spouse never made you a priority?

As relationships mature, everything else in life tends to take priority over the person that your world used to revolve around. Work, church, kids, and family, all become the priority while your spouse is begging for attention. You may not even be conscious that your doing this.  But, what if your spouse always made you the afterthought? How would that make you feel?

READ: A Clear Sign that Your Spouse Needs Your Attention

2.  What if your spouse was “overly friendly” with other people?

You call it being nice, but your spouse sees it as you flirting and leaving the door open to infidelity. That work wife/husband or maybe that person from your past on social media tends to get a little too much of your attention lately. What if your spouse had those same types of “friends?” Would you approve or blow a gasket?

3. What if your spouse never consulted you before spending shared money?

It starts with a pair of shoes, or purse, that extra watch and that harmless sports jersey.  And next thing you know, you are making high dollar purchases without ever consulting your mate. You’re pretty much committing financial infidelity, but you see nothing wrong because you bring money into the house as well. Right? Well, what if your spouse kept spending money without ever considering you?

READ: Financial Infidelity: What’s Out Of Bounds?

4. What if your spouse never showed any appreciation?

You invest so much time and energy into supporting your family, spouse and children, yet your spouse never takes time to say THANK YOU! What if you put in all of that energy daily, but your spouse decided it wasn’t worth a simple and occasional thank you? Even worse… what if they just said “well that’s what you’re supposed to do!” Ouch!

5. What if your spouse never spent any time with the kids?

You both agreed to have kids and start a family. Yet, you never take time to spend with the kids. You don’t show up to events or even help take care of the daily activities that come along with being parents. If your spouse did that what would you think about them?

6. What if your spouse allowed his/her family to disrespect you?

Your spouse’s family gives you a hard time about everything. They don’t respect your time, your parenting, your relationship, or privacy. What if your spouse sat around and allowed that to consistently happen? How would you feel about that? Would you still respect them?

7. What if your spouse never did anything around the house?

What if the house was always a mess because your spouse never cleaned anything or never picked up after him or herself? What if they never cooked or washed clothes? What if none of the bills got paid? Would you look at your spouse differently then?

8. What if your spouse never noticed you?

What if your spouse never noticed when you changed your hair, got some new clothes, or put in work at the gym? What if you got a promotion at work, but they never acknowledge it or congratulate you? What if they never notice that new fragrance you’ve been wearing? How might you feel if they became blind to you?

9. What if your spouse never wanted to have sex with you?

What if every time you came on to your mate they were “too tired?” What if they had a headache every night? What if you never felt like they desired you or was attracted to you? What if even when they did have sex with you it felt like they couldn’t wait for it be over? How would that make you feel about yourself?

My point in this article is that sometimes we have to get back to the basics of considering things from our spouse’s perspective. After all, relationships aren’t all about you!

BMWK fam, what are some other “What If’s” you would add to this list?

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!


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3 Ways to Make Your Spouse Feel Like They Are Your Top Priority

BY: - 23 Feb '17 | Marriage

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Have you ever heard this from your spouse – “how is it that when I ask you to do something it takes forever?  But when your friends ask you to do something, you move right away.”

Or, how about this one, “When your friend calls, you are on the phone talking and laughing. But when I try to talk with you, you have nothing to say.”

Your spouse is crying out. What they are saying is, “I don’t feel like a priority.”

3 Steps to Prioritize Your Spouse Over All Others

In my own marriage,  my husband and I  are careful to prioritize each other. It hasn’t always been this way with us. However, I now know, I’m his #1 and he’s mine. Take a look at these 3 steps that helped us.

1. Take note of your spouse’s wants and needs and help to fulfill them. 

It feels so good to see your spouse happy. If you take note of their wants and needs and help to fulfill them, you will outwardly demonstrate your love. Love is an action word and this is one way to show your mate just how important they are in your life.

READ: A Clear Sign that Your Spouse Needs Your Attention

2. Place your spouse’s needs above the needs of your friends and parents.

It can be easy to quickly say no to our spouse. No, I don’t t want to go there. No, I don’t want to see that. With our spouse, no, can roll off the tongue easily. Yet with friends and parents we commit to things with little thought and have a hard time saying no. Turn the tables on this and let your mate hear a resounding YES on their behalf.

Yes, I would love to…
Sure babe I’ll go with you…
Whatever you want babe…
Yes, honey let’s go for it…

3. Make your commitments to your spouse non-negotiable.

In your heart of hearts you are committed to your spouse. If they are ill, you are there being attentive. If they are wounded emotionally, you are there to help pick up the pieces. If you make a date with your spouse the date is kept. Your commitment to your mate should be visibly non-negotiable. You know it, your mate knows it, and so does anyone who sees your relationship.

Let’s make it plain, you are not responsible for your mate’s happiness. That’s too much pressure to put on anyone. However, as a spouse our desire is towards one another. We want each other to be happy and we are willing to do what it takes to make it happen. Being a high priority in your life is something your spouse will appreciate. It’s a position they deserve.

Try these 3 steps and see how they work for you. They work for my marriage. I hope they work for you.

BMWK family how do you let your spouse know they are a high priority in your life?

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 186 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills


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