Challenge: 30 Days of Service to Your Spouse…Can You Handle It?

BY: - 22 Feb '17 | Marriage

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Don and I decided to do a 30 Days of Service Challenge after watching the below video by Comedian Mike Goodwin. Mike decided to do something every day to serve his wife for an extended period of time – – 30 days.  I thought it was going to easy to knock out. Wrong! The first few days we were enthusiastic about out-serving each other. He made me breakfast in bed on more than one Saturday.  And, I fixed his plate on several occasions.

I thought to myself, “This is going to be easy.” I thought, “Tanya, you got this.”

I quickly saw how unprepared I was to do this challenge. I gave it no thought and struggled the first few days. I actually realized that Don does way more for me than I do for him. That made me mad. I was determined to outdo him.

He is the messy person in our marriage so his side of the room is a train wreck. I decided to clean it up for him and to organize his closet. He was blown away because I usually fuss about how much of a mess his area is. After receiving a nice “wifey reward”, I decided to ramp this service thing up.

If you are inspired to take the 30 Days of Service Challenge, below are a few things I did for my husband or what he did for me. This is not an exhaustive list but rather a start.

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  • Pack their lunch
  • Give them the evening off while you run the kids around
  • Drop off/pick up their dry cleaning
  • Fix their plate
  • Wash their clothes and put them away
  • Clean up their side of the room
  • Write a letter of appreciation
  • Place an envelope with a gift card from their favorite food spot in their car
  • Turn off the television and give them your time
  • Give a back massage after a shower
  • Give a pedicure (Yes, I did this for my honey and yes, it was weird.)
  • Grab their favorite food on the way home from work.

Side note: My sixteen year old daughter had a lot to say about me serving my husband. She was actually irritated by it all. I’m thankful she voiced her annoyance because this opened dialogue in our home about husbands and wives serving each other with both of our teens.

The National Healthy Marriage Institute says that one of the keys to happy relationships is putting your spouse’s needs before your own. This will allow you to create a “spirit of service” in your relationship. Here are five more things they want you to know about service:

  • “The antidote to selfishness is service.”  It’s difficult to be selfish when you are serving your spouse.  Service forces you to put the needs of your spouse before your own needs.
  • “The spirit of service is contagious.”  Give it a try.  They say that your spouse will begin to reciprocate in about 3 weeks.  So continue to be consistent with your service and watch your relationship change!!
  • “Serving your spouse does not mean tolerating abuse or unacceptable behavior.”  If your spouse is abusing you physically or mentally, you need to seek help immediately.

If you are having a problem with serving your spouse, then I ask you to put it to the test with this challenge. Make a list of the things that you can do every day to serve your spouse and do them consistently.  And do them with a cheerful heart and without any thoughts of what you may or may not get in return.  And you will begin to experience “the joy and happiness in your marriage that accompanies service.”

I promise, you will see your spouse with different eyes after completing this challenge. Make sure to let me know how it goes in the comments below.  Also, give us a few more ideas to add to our list.

BMWK – What a your thoughts on serving your spouse?  Does this make you uncomfortable? Why or why not?

About the author

Tanya Barnett wrote 14 articles on this blog.

Tanya Barnett is a relationship strategist, speaker and the “Real” Wife Coach. She is the author of Being a Wife Just Got Real: Things I Wish I Knew, Before I Said, I Do”. She founded the Real Wife Movement™, where she equips single and married women with tools to create strong marriages and families. She is also the founder of Forever Free Books, a mobile literacy nonprofit, which delivers free books and story time to low income children in their neighborhoods and communities. She is a marathoner, triathlete and a serious book lover. She and her husband, Don, have 3 awesome kids.

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9 Things You Do…But Would Have a Fit If Your Spouse Did Them Too

BY: - 23 Feb '17 | Marriage

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I am a firm believer in the golden rule of treating others the way you want to be treated. But oftentimes in relationships, we don’t put this rule into practice! Many times, we don’t step back to think about how we would feel if our spouse treated us the way that we treat them.

So let’s step back and think of some things that we need to take into consideration!

1. What if your spouse never made you a priority?

As relationships mature, everything else in life tends to take priority over the person that your world used to revolve around. Work, church, kids, and family, all become the priority while your spouse is begging for attention. You may not even be conscious that your doing this.  But, what if your spouse always made you the afterthought? How would that make you feel?

READ: A Clear Sign that Your Spouse Needs Your Attention

2.  What if your spouse was “overly friendly” with other people?

You call it being nice, but your spouse sees it as you flirting and leaving the door open to infidelity. That work wife/husband or maybe that person from your past on social media tends to get a little too much of your attention lately. What if your spouse had those same types of “friends?” Would you approve or blow a gasket?

3. What if your spouse never consulted you before spending shared money?

It starts with a pair of shoes, or purse, that extra watch and that harmless sports jersey.  And next thing you know, you are making high dollar purchases without ever consulting your mate. You’re pretty much committing financial infidelity, but you see nothing wrong because you bring money into the house as well. Right? Well, what if your spouse kept spending money without ever considering you?

READ: Financial Infidelity: What’s Out Of Bounds?

4. What if your spouse never showed any appreciation?

You invest so much time and energy into supporting your family, spouse and children, yet your spouse never takes time to say THANK YOU! What if you put in all of that energy daily, but your spouse decided it wasn’t worth a simple and occasional thank you? Even worse… what if they just said “well that’s what you’re supposed to do!” Ouch!

5. What if your spouse never spent any time with the kids?

You both agreed to have kids and start a family. Yet, you never take time to spend with the kids. You don’t show up to events or even help take care of the daily activities that come along with being parents. If your spouse did that what would you think about them?

6. What if your spouse allowed his/her family to disrespect you?

Your spouse’s family gives you a hard time about everything. They don’t respect your time, your parenting, your relationship, or privacy. What if your spouse sat around and allowed that to consistently happen? How would you feel about that? Would you still respect them?

7. What if your spouse never did anything around the house?

What if the house was always a mess because your spouse never cleaned anything or never picked up after him or herself? What if they never cooked or washed clothes? What if none of the bills got paid? Would you look at your spouse differently then?

8. What if your spouse never noticed you?

What if your spouse never noticed when you changed your hair, got some new clothes, or put in work at the gym? What if you got a promotion at work, but they never acknowledge it or congratulate you? What if they never notice that new fragrance you’ve been wearing? How might you feel if they became blind to you?

9. What if your spouse never wanted to have sex with you?

What if every time you came on to your mate they were “too tired?” What if they had a headache every night? What if you never felt like they desired you or was attracted to you? What if even when they did have sex with you it felt like they couldn’t wait for it be over? How would that make you feel about yourself?

My point in this article is that sometimes we have to get back to the basics of considering things from our spouse’s perspective. After all, relationships aren’t all about you!

BMWK fam, what are some other “What If’s” you would add to this list?

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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