How to Deal when Your Mate’s So-called BFF Wants to Be More Than Friends

BY: - 16 Feb '17 | Single

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LeToya Luckett’s latest music video, Back 2 Life, spotlights an issue which has been the cause of turmoil and death to many relationships. The issue at hand is when your mate’s BFF wants to be more than just friends and has no problems in letting their intentions be known, especially too you.

In this 8 minute mini-film, the storyline consists of a growing, thriving relationship which is shattered by LeToya’s boyfriend’s female BFF, who has no problems, by her actions, body language and level of comfort, letting LeToya know she wants her man.  When LeToya addresses the situation, her man immediately dismisses the interaction with the following words

“It was nothing, that’s just how we get down.” “You are over reacting” “You are taking this too far” “Maybe it’s not us, maybe it’s you.” “What do you want me to do about it? I can’t change who my friends are, and I can’t change who I am to be in this relationship” “You need to show me and her some respect.”

His words and actions were the tipping points for the demise of their relationship.

This video struck a nerve on the internet because so many could relate to this scenario. Be it male or female, many have dealt with this very problem. I think this storyline spotlighted key issues that occur in most relationships when it comes to dealing with this situation.

Here are four key ways to handle this situation:

First, address the situation:

When the inappropriate behavior occurs, address it immediately. By doing so, you will be able to instantly access the matter to ensure that you are not overreacting and to either garner support or establish where your mate stands regarding their friend’s behavior.

Second, listen to your mate’s response:

How does your mate respond to your concern? Are your concerns heard and addressed or are they dismissed and overlooked? Unfortunately, in this scenario, he never acknowledged LeToya’s concerns. Instead of support or acknowledgement, LeToya received resistance and blame. He offered excuses and stated that she was the one with the problem.

Third, determine how the situation will be handled going forward:

In a perfect scenario, you would want your mate to speak to their friend and address their behavior. If the behavior didn’t change, putting distance between the two (your mate and their BFF) would be the next step, out of respect for your relationship.

However, in this scenario, things went progressively downhill. LeToya tried to move forward but, at every turn, her man allowed his BFF to infiltrate their lives.  And at times, she took precedence over their relationship, which caused more tension and division. Once his BFF let her intentions be known, LeToya’s man realized the truth, but it was a little too late.

Fourth, set boundaries and decide what you will do if they are crossed.

And at the end of the day, you can not force a person to do what you want. But, you can decide how you want to be treated and communicate your boundaries to your mate. You must also determine what you will do if your mate continues to cross the line with their “BFF.”  At this point the choice is yours: continue to allow the disrespect or move on from the relationship (like LeToya did in the video.)

How NOT to handle this situation

The first thing LeToya’s man did was to accuse her of being insecure. Everyone is not insecure, so he should have been open to hearing her concerns out. If you find yourself in this situation, don’t automatically dismiss the concerns of your mate. Genuinely, take the time to hear their concerns and respect their feelings. Take time to see it from their perspective and put yourself in their shoes.

We all should take heed from the lessons from this video, if you don’t want to find yourself alone. In the end, it will save you a lot of heartache and save your relationship as well.

BMWK, what do you do when your mate’s BFF wants to be more than friends with your man or woman?

About the author

Judi Mason wrote 61 articles on this blog.

Judi Mason is an Empowerment Strategist, whose mission is to empower You to become your best authentic self. As an accomplished author, Judi has garnered much success with her self-help books and workshops; including her popular Girl Talk: Relationship 101 events- which was birthed from her best-selling book, The Relationship Chronicles- Real Love, Straight Talk No Drama. As a sought after speaker, Judi uses multiple platforms from the marketplace to ministry; to enable individuals to pursue and fulfill their God ordained purpose with passion, in life, love and entrepreneurship.

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How to Turn an “Over the Top” Wedding into an “Over the Top” Marriage

BY: - 16 Feb '17 | Marriage

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The Knot, the leading wedding brand and marketplace, recently released the 2016 Real Weddings Study. It’s the largest survey of Americans married in 2016. The results revealed the cost of weddings has spiked to $35,339 and couples are now putting a greater emphasis on the guest experience.

The study, which surveyed 13,000 brides and grooms, showed the cost per guest has increased. The entertainment, photo booths, games, musical performances and fireworks were the top wedding trends highlighted. Proving that couples are planning and spending with a goal of making their wedding an unforgettable experience for their guest.

The study was quite revealing but was also a great reminder for me. Of course a wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience. It should be special and memorable. But the concern is that the energy and effort couples put into the wedding isn’t also reflected in the marriage.

With the guest experience being the main focus of today’s weddings, I wonder if the spouse’s experience could become a top trend for the marriage.

Marriage is a lifetime of moments.

Marriage is a lifetime of moments. Every day is a new opportunity to focus on the other person in your relationship and create unforgettable moments. The goal with the wedding trends, mentioned previously, is to create a buzz and stir up a feeling that will have guests talking about the wedding for days to come. Don’t we desire this for our marriage too? Don’t we want to create trends in a marriage that allows it to get better with time?

Can you imagine the state of marriage if every person cared about their spouse’s experience? Here are a few examples of what it would look like if we transformed those “over the top” wedding trends into “over the top” marriage trends that could truly transform our relationship.

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Trend #1: The entertainment.

Couples must seek ways to enjoy one another’s company. Quality time together could prevent many of the challenges most couples face. Date nights, fun nights, and spontaneity are a must for happy couples.

Trend #2: Capturing moments.

Are you capturing moments and holding on to the good times? When couples experience those not so great days, it’s important to tap into those brighter days as a reminder that you have the potential to be good together again. Remembering the good times during moments of struggle could be healing for most couples.

Trend #3: The fireworks.

If only couples could capture and bottle the feeling we have on our wedding day. There are fireworks, magic and love in the air. Our marriages need this trend more than ever. Life can be so challenging that there should always be somewhere in our lives where we feel good. Why not do everything possible to make that space your marriage. Couples have control over whether or not there are fireworks in their relationship. Be excited about your spouse. Put intimacy at the top of your priority list. Invest in your lovemaking and one another. Together, couples can plan on how to make the marriage more exciting.

Wedding trends are cute and fun for the guests. However, marriage trends are most important and amazing for you and your spouse for the lifetime of your marriage. Making sure your spouse has the best marriage experience possible should be the ultimate goal.

BMWK, what are other marriage trends couples should adopt?  Do you think the current wedding trends are “over the top?”

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 629 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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