How to Turn an “Over the Top” Wedding into an “Over the Top” Marriage

BY: - 16 Feb '17 | Marriage

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The Knot, the leading wedding brand and marketplace, recently released the 2016 Real Weddings Study. It’s the largest survey of Americans married in 2016. The results revealed the cost of weddings has spiked to $35,339 and couples are now putting a greater emphasis on the guest experience.

The study, which surveyed 13,000 brides and grooms, showed the cost per guest has increased. The entertainment, photo booths, games, musical performances and fireworks were the top wedding trends highlighted. Proving that couples are planning and spending with a goal of making their wedding an unforgettable experience for their guest.

The study was quite revealing but was also a great reminder for me. Of course a wedding is supposed to be a once in a lifetime experience. It should be special and memorable. But the concern is that the energy and effort couples put into the wedding isn’t also reflected in the marriage.

With the guest experience being the main focus of today’s weddings, I wonder if the spouse’s experience could become a top trend for the marriage.

Marriage is a lifetime of moments.

Marriage is a lifetime of moments. Every day is a new opportunity to focus on the other person in your relationship and create unforgettable moments. The goal with the wedding trends, mentioned previously, is to create a buzz and stir up a feeling that will have guests talking about the wedding for days to come. Don’t we desire this for our marriage too? Don’t we want to create trends in a marriage that allows it to get better with time?

Can you imagine the state of marriage if every person cared about their spouse’s experience? Here are a few examples of what it would look like if we transformed those “over the top” wedding trends into “over the top” marriage trends that could truly transform our relationship.

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Trend #1: The entertainment.

Couples must seek ways to enjoy one another’s company. Quality time together could prevent many of the challenges most couples face. Date nights, fun nights, and spontaneity are a must for happy couples.

Trend #2: Capturing moments.

Are you capturing moments and holding on to the good times? When couples experience those not so great days, it’s important to tap into those brighter days as a reminder that you have the potential to be good together again. Remembering the good times during moments of struggle could be healing for most couples.

Trend #3: The fireworks.

If only couples could capture and bottle the feeling we have on our wedding day. There are fireworks, magic and love in the air. Our marriages need this trend more than ever. Life can be so challenging that there should always be somewhere in our lives where we feel good. Why not do everything possible to make that space your marriage. Couples have control over whether or not there are fireworks in their relationship. Be excited about your spouse. Put intimacy at the top of your priority list. Invest in your lovemaking and one another. Together, couples can plan on how to make the marriage more exciting.

Wedding trends are cute and fun for the guests. However, marriage trends are most important and amazing for you and your spouse for the lifetime of your marriage. Making sure your spouse has the best marriage experience possible should be the ultimate goal.

BMWK, what are other marriage trends couples should adopt?  Do you think the current wedding trends are “over the top?”

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 620 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.

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8 Things, Other Than Sex, That Will Truly Make Your Husband Happy

BY: - 16 Feb '17 | Marriage

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Truth be told, before Valentine’s Day, Clay and Teresa weren’t all lovey-dovey. But as the big day approached, Clay was like, ‘I got to be on good behavior leading up to it so I don’t mess up the big day.’ But in his heart, he wasn’t feeling her like he used to.

After 12 years together, six of them as husband and wife, he simply wasn’t happy with his marriage anymore. But he didn’t know why.

Valentine’s Day arrived. The dinner was nice. The cards were thoughtful. They had some ugly-face-making sex. But now that Valentine’s Day is in his rear view mirror, Clay is longing for something more than sex.

Don’t get me wrong, Clay wants and needs sex. But is sex enough to sustain happiness for men? In an era where the myth is propagated, ‘if you give a man the ‘cookie’, he’ll be alright’….absolutely not.

I love my assortment of three cookies I get when I go to Subway’s, but men like Clay and me need more than the dopamine rush we get from sugar…and sex…to sustain us. The happiness felt within a relationship is derived from the following 8 things.

  1. True Love – What does true love really mean? On its face, it’s totally subjective. But at its core, true love is the willingness to give of yourself for the benefit of someone else. Like a mother does for her son, she gives everything for his benefit. A husband doesn’t want his wife to treat him like her son. But he does want to feel like she’s willing to give of herself for his benefit.
  2. Good/Deep Conversation – I knew it was time for me to get married when I wanted to have a good conversation with a woman. But most of the women I knew weren’t talking about nothing. Or, I didn’t care about their opinion…because I didn’t care about them. Sounds cold. I know. But it’s true. Good/deep conversation for men means we respect you and want to hear what you have to say.
  3. True Friendship – True friendship is different than true love in this way: it’s not about sacrificing for a man; it’s about commonality, understanding one another, accepting one another, and struggling through adversity together. These are the ingredients that make up a friendship. And husbands want to connect to their wives in this way.
  4. Emotional maturity – Maturity is another subjective term that depends on your age and station in life. A wife’s capacity to handle stress, pressure, fear, and things not going her way should be commensurate with social norms for your age and station. Otherwise, he’s just tolerating you.
  5. Spiritual Connection – Spiritual accord within a family is sometimes elusive. But when both of you are on the same accord spiritually, your faith and belief systems are aligned. How you actually live out your faith may vary, according to your divine purposes. But at least the core beliefs of who the both of you are will be aligned.
  6. Trust – Trust is not always about cheating. Much more than that, it’s about trusting your spouse to do what she says she’s going to do, to follow through on her word, and to be sincere and truthful. This door swings both ways. But no sustainable relationship can exist without it.
  7. Loyalty – There’s a lot of competition for a woman’s loyalty. There are the tangible things like her in-laws, children, work, friends, side-businesses, and volunteer organizations. Then there’s the intangible like your past, your pain, and the power you’ve accumulated. These loyalties can make a man feel like everybody and everything is more important than him. Make sure you prioritize him.
  8. Fun – The reason you probably got married was because you wanted to enjoy life with the one you love. But somewhere in between then and now, enjoying life was exchanged with tasks, chores, roles, and responsibilities. It’s the classic ‘all work and no play’ scenario. Having fun with your spouse is an important part of being happily married. Without it, you lose touch with why you got married in the first place.

You don’t have to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets for your husband to be happy. It won’t hurt. But if that’s your default plan for making your husband happy, broaden your scope to include the above eight things to sure you have a more meaningful connection with your husband.

BMWK – Wives, what things, other than sex, truly make your husband happy?

About the author

Heath Wiggins wrote 83 articles on this blog.

The Purveyor of Understanding - Heath Wiggins married Bernadette (Bernie) Wiggins in October 1997. Together they founded the Family Bootcamp, LLC., a relationship consulting business that helps people improve the communication and trust in relationships. In 2013, Heath launched the blog and book His Leadership Her Trust to combat the lack of trust women had in allowing men be leaders in their relationships. His mission is to teach Christian men how to lead in such a way that women trust, respect, and actually want to them.

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