21 Questions to Incredible Sex with Your Spouse

BY: - 21 Feb '17 | Intimacy

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There’s nothing better than a hot, steamy and romantic relationship; one where just the thought of the other person gets you all hot, bothered and excited. Unfortunately, there are some couples who struggle with the physical connection part of their marriage. Perhaps they are stronger at communication. They can probably talk for hours about any and everything. But a disconnect happens when it’s time to become intimate. While their minds are connected, which is a great thing, their bodies are not.

Sometimes that happens because of our individual beliefs about intimacy. There may be some who grew up thinking sex was such a dirty word, even within a marriage. Or that you had to do it as a chore, not because it was something to be enjoyed by both partners. Those beliefs would of course affect the energy put into making intimacy happen within a marriage.

Although it might be awkward to discuss, a conversation on how to make your intimacy better is always needed. It’s one of the key ingredients to a successful marriage. So we should be able to ask questions and share what we need most in the bedroom.


Here’s how to get started.

Be a little selfish first. What I mean by that is to think about your own needs first by asking yourself the following questions.

1. What are my overall beliefs about intimacy?

2. What do I enjoy most about being intimate with my spouse?

3. What do I love most about my body?

4. What do I like least about my body and how does it affect me in the bedroom?

5. What insecurities, if any, do I have about being intimate with my spouse?

6. What are the reasons I may not want to be intimate with my spouse?

7. What are my turn ons?

8. What are my turn offs?

The answers to these questions will give you the insight needed on your own personal desires. You can’t share your needs with your spouse if you aren’t sure of what they are. Not being aware of your beliefs around intimacy could have a serious impact on your relationship.

Next, it’s time to find out how much you know about your spouse’s bedroom needs. You can do that by asking the following questions. See how many you can answer on your own first and then compare your answers to your spouse’s responses. Ask your partner the following and be open to what you hear.

9. What are your thoughts on the intimacy in our marriage?

10. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the absolute best, how would you rate our intimacy?

11. If the answer isn’t a 10, what can we do to get to a 10?

12. What is one thing I do that you enjoy most during intimacy?

13. What can we improve with our intimacy?

14. What makes you excited about being intimate with me?

15. What affects your mood when it’s time for love making?

16. What would you like to happen less in the bedroom?

17. What are your turn-ons?

18. What are your turnoffs?

19. Where is your favorite place to make love?

20. Is our love making happening as frequently as you like?

21. What do you want more of in the bedroom?

Conversations on intimacy actually make intimacy better. Don’t be afraid to share what you need in the bedroom. Also, be prepared to listen to what your spouse needs and be ready to deliver.

BMWK, how well do you know your spouse’s bedroom needs?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 630 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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