My Husband Doesn’t Show Me Love Like He Used To

BY: - 10 Feb '17 | Intimacy

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Where did the affection go? My husband and I have been marriage coaches for quite some time now, and this is one of the topics that comes up frequently.

Wives think:

“Before marriage he gave me all of the attention that I needed.” “What changed?”

Husbands think:

“I didn’t realize she was so needy?”

What Happened?

Marriage happened! My husband and I had a good conversation about this recently. And we both thought that couples need to be more prepared for the new season in their lives after they get married. Marriage is a new season of anticipation, responsibility, and commitment that requires both husband and wife to make adjustments.

 

Anticipation

Before marriage, when you lived in two different houses, there was an anticipation to see each other; a longing that is fulfilled when you get together again. Time away from each other builds this anticipation. But when you wake up in the same bed every morning the anticipation changes. It’s different.

Adjustment: Husbands and wives should be aware of this and understand how this new normal affects your marriage.  Look for new opportunities to build anticipation, such as looking forward to seeing your spouse at the end of a long work day or looking forward to the quiet time that you have with each other at night when the house is quiet, the kids are asleep, and you can finally connect and be intimate.

Responsibilities

Before marriage, you were responsible for you and yours, and he was responsible for himself and his. Now he feels accountable for all. As a man, he naturally feels responsible for the household. This responsibility can temporarily shift his mindset away from the affection he used to share.

Adjustment: There is nothing more reassuring than knowing that your spouse has your back.  Look for every opportunity to work together as a team. Your responsibilities are going to be a fact of life after you get married, so you both are will have to be more intentional about carving out time to reconnect and tend to each other’s needs.

Now that I’ve got you.

Before marriage, you were excited by the the chase. But now that you’re married, you’re taking each other for granted. Both husband and wife have a responsibility to ask, “Are there  any things, that I used to do before marriage, that you want me to start doing again?”

Adjustment: It’s okay to think – now that I’ve got you, you’re mine. But you should also think – now that I’ve got you, I want to keep you.  The little things you did before marriage should also be done after marriage. Keep the excitement alive.

Commitment

With marriage comes the commitment to fulfill certain needs and desires within each other. One of these commitments is to give and receive loving sensual affection. Both partners have committed to meeting this need for one another.

Adjustment: If your spouse is starving for affection, you want to meet that need (regardless of whether you understand it or not.) Don’t ignore your spouse’s bids for attention. Instead, take a few moments to find out how to make a deposit into your spouse’s love bank.

READ: A Clear Sign that Your Spouse Needs Your Attention

Don’t give up on this new season of anticipation, responsibility and commitment. This challenge is fixable. Be patient with each other in love. Put forth a little more effort to be understanding of each other’s needs.  And before you know it, he will be showing you love just as he used to.

About the author

Deborah L. Mills wrote 182 articles on this blog.

Coach, AUTHOR, Speaker, WIFE, Mom, and GRANDMOTHER. That's the gist of who I am. I love people and love to see their life and relationships thrive. As a coach I am ready to support your dream when you don't feel like it. As an author and speaker I am ready to pour into your life so that you can live your best life now. I am a personal and executive coach. Together with my husband I also marriage coach. GO TO MY WEBSITE. THERE IS A FREE GIFT THERE WAITING FOR YOU. http://bit.ly/2deborahlmills

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10 Simple Things to Say and Do to Make Your Spouse Feel Loved

BY: - 14 Feb '17 | Intimacy

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“The same things you did to get them, you need to do to keep them.” We’ve all heard it said a million times.  But if we’re being honest, sometimes we get so busy that we either forget or those things aren’t much of a priority anymore. When it comes to loving, romancing, and appreciating our spouses, sometimes we just need a prompting so that we can get back in the groove of making them feel special. Here are 5 things to begin saying and doing again today!

Simple things to say:

1. I miss you

I know you remember how good it used to make you feel to hear your lady or man say “Baby I miss you!” Whether it was a phone call or text message you just liked to know you were being missed and thought about. It’s something that only takes two seconds to say or type, but will keep a long lasting smile on your spouse’s face!

2. I love you

When you first started, you wouldn’t leave any conversation without saying it. You wouldn’t go to sleep without saying it and it was always so heartfelt. Don’t assume your spouse just knows it she still needs to hear it.

3. You’re beautiful…you’re handsome!

Who doesn’t want to feel like their spouse still has the hots for them?! Sometimes we think just because we committed to someone that they should just know that we find them sexy or attractive. WRONG! Nothing puts a lil’ pep in the step of your spouse more than when you start noticing them again in that way and making it known.

4. I appreciate you

Remember being so full of appreciation when you were dating? Even the smallest gestures elicited sincere gratitude. Yeah, I know it’s your spouse’s responsibility to do certain things for you and the family.  But remember how grateful you used to feel for them? Bring those feelings back! The longer you’re in a relationship, the easier it is to start expecting and stop appreciating. Start again!

5.Thank You

“Thank you” is one of the most powerful and sincere phrases in the English language. Say it, and say it often…especially to the one you love the most!

Simple things to do:

6. Write a handwritten letter

Nothing will ever replace a handwritten note, expressing how you feel. Don’t forget to fold it like you used to back in the day!

7. Leave special sticky notes to be found

Sticky notes with sweet thoughts work wonders! The same way you put those sticky notes in your kids’ lunchbox to let them know to have a great day or how awesome they are, leave a few for your spouse. After leaving for a work trip, I found a picture in my coat pocket of my wife and daughter with “have a great meeting dad, we love you!” on the back.  And it made me beam.

8. Bring their favorite food or dessert home

Food always does the trick, especially sweets! Stop by the store on the way home and grab her that old school candy bar she loves or that piece of cheesecake she likes. Stop and grab him a 6-pack of his favorite beer or his favorite bag of chips. Just the fact that you took some extra time to do something special for him or her will go a long way.

9. Go for a walk in the park

You used to have so much fun just being in each other’s space, holding hands, walking and talking. I know things get busy but occasionally find time to disconnect and just go for a walk. You’ll be amazed at the good memories it brings back!

10. KISS!

I know this sounds elementary but even thinking about doing this with your mate will probably flush your cheeks and make you smile. I don’t mean pecks or simple hello or goodbye kisses either…I mean the real deal! The kind of kisses that lead to long nights and early mornings; the kind of kisses that make you forget about any and everything else and focus only on passion. I’m talking about the kind of kisses that send chills down your spine when just thinking about them. If you and your love haven’t had any of those in a while…now’s the perfect time to change that. Grab a lighter and spark that flame!

The moral of the story is that sometimes we get so busy and we forget. It’s not that the love has died, but sometimes the appreciation, thoughtfulness and passion has taken a nap! Let’s ring a big, loud bell to awaken them again!

BMWK Fam what other things would you add to the list?

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 223 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!

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