5 Signs That Your New Man Doesn’t Value Your Time

BY: - 7 Feb '17 | Single

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When it comes to our work, we can be so protective of our time. After all, time is money and we don’t want anyone messing with our money, right?

I get it. I am about my business, too, and I hate having my time wasted.

But the thing is, if women can be bosses when it comes to valuing our time in business, then why do so many of us allow men to waste our time when dating? It just doesn’t make any sense.

Sure, money is no longer involved, but does that make your time any less valuable? I don’t think so. I think anyone that enters your world and wants to stay in it, long-term, should value all of you—and that includes your time.

We teach people how to treat us. Once you start teaching a man that it is okay to devalue your time, he will keep doing it. Now this doesn’t mean that you should be inflexible. Not at all. Things happen and sometimes someone can waste your time even with the best intentions. But when wasting your time starts to become a pattern, it’s just disrespectful. And, you deserve better than that.

So how do you know if he doesn’t value your time? Here are 5 signs.

1. He’s ALWAYS late.

I hate being late. I will admit that since I’ve had children, my record of timeliness is tarnished, but I still try my best. But I have to admit that there are people I love who struggle with being on time—like they struggle a lot. That said, I still think there is something to be said for putting your best foot forward. If you just started dating someone and he is never on time for anything, he clearly doesn’t value your time. If it’s just a bad habit that he should at least make an effort to change once you bring it up. If he makes no effort to change, he just doesn’t value your time that much.

2. He makes comments that devalue the work you do.

When you date someone, he should value your time and the work that do, even if he doesn’t understand it. If your man has a demanding corporate job and acts like your time is always more flexible than his because you are a writer or an entrepreneur, then you have to clarify a few things for him. Your work may be different than his, but it still takes time and your time needs to be valued.

3. He only considers what’s most convenient for him.

If he only suggests doing things and going places when it’s convenient for him, without considering your wants and needs, he doesn’t value your time. A healthy relationship is about mutual respect. A man that values your time will ask about your schedule and will choose times that are mutually convenient before planning things.

4. He reschedules at the last minute a lot.

Doing this occasionally is not a huge issue, but if you are dating a man who does this a lot, it’s a problem. When a guy is always canceling or rescheduling it sends a clear message that he believes that his time is more valuable than yours. We both know that’s not true so he needs to either recognize your worth or hit the road.

5. He never checks with you before making plans.

A surprise from time to time is great. But when your man always takes it upon himself to plan stuff without checking in with you, it’s inconsiderate. What if you have a commitment you can’t break? What if you had something else in mind? I’m not knocking a brother who makes plans because I know so many get a bad rep for never planning. I’m simply saying that if he always does it and you rarely get to chime in on any of plans made (especially the dates and times for those plans), you have to wonder why he’s doing that.

Ladies don’t waste time! If the man you are dating doesn’t value your time, then it’s up to you to decided whether staying in the relationship is worth it or not.  But either way, you should set some boundaries around respecting your time.

BMWK ladies, how do you know if the man in your life doesn’t value your time?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 485 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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Life After Divorce: The #1 Thing Women Need to Know In Order to Love Again

BY: - 8 Feb '17 | Relationships

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I could see the pain behind her smile. We’d never really said more than a few words to each other until now. After the birth of my son, I needed someone to help take my daughter to preschool and she agreed to help. She was the perfect person–full of energy at 8 am–and my daughter felt safe and happy with her.

I knew she was a recent divorcee. After 30 plus years of marriage and two children, her husband had an affair and left her for “the other woman.” To say she was devastated was an understatement. But somehow she managed to make it through and start over.

It was the aftermath of the divorce that was overwhelming her: selling the house, dealing with the rental properties, trying to find a better minimum wage job, and living alone. The stress was too much and after two years of not needing sleeping pills, she begged her doctor to refill her prescription.

My heart went out to her and I started writing her little Thank You notes and encouraging letters to lift her spirit. She mentioned she’d like to go out on a date, but she hadn’t found anyone. She reminded me of many of the divorced sisters who write me and say,

My ex has moved on. Why can’t I? I thought I’d forgiven him. What’s wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you.

Dr. John Gray, the author of Mars and Venus Starting Over, said that after divorce, death or a bad break up, men tend to move on too fast. Women move on too late. What does that mean? Instead of taking the time to deal with all of the emotions that come with loss, men tend to rebound by looking for someone new. Women, on the other hand, tend to become busy taking care of everything –the kids, the house, even the ex. They spend so much time focused on everyone else’s needs, they become disconnected to their own needs for love and companionship.

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It’s going to take courage to learn to love again after a divorce:

Courage to let yourself grieve the relationship you lost.

Courage to celebrate the good times of your marriage while acknowledging that something was broken and couldn’t be fixed.

Courage to let it all go.

Courage to give yourself permission to take care of yourself and put your needs first.

Courage to start over.

Courage to open your heart to love again.

BMWK, what’s your greatest challenge dating after divorce? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 138 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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