Thug Lovin’: Do Women Want a Thug, a Gentleman or both?

BY: - 3 Feb '17 | Home

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While scrolling through my news feed on Facebook, I came upon an interesting post on dating. Two simple questions were posed to ladies: “Are you a single lady? What kind of man do you desire, a thug or a gentleman?”

As you can imagine, it yielded some interesting responses. Some wanted a gentleman. Others wanted a gentleman with thug characteristics. What exactly does that look like?

The Thug-Gentleman

Maybe they hadn’t considered that a thug will have ‘thug tendencies’ that they might not fancy. (Infidelity immediately comes to mind. Thugs are in high demand and in very heavy rotation among the ladies.) This hybrid form of man, part-thug and part-gentleman, sounds like an urban version of the (1985) film “Weird Science” where two young boys magically create the perfect woman on their computer and bring her to life. In this case, it’s ladies creating the “perfect man.”

I would argue that the Thug-Gentlemen is an oxymoron. It’s like wanting the dog that purrs or the cat that barks. The problem is this animal does not exist in nature. The gentleman and the thug are totally different men, contrary, unless I have a misunderstanding of what a thug is.

And that’s interesting to note as well. No one defined the term, thug. They did give some clues as to what they found desirous in a thug. Some wanted to feel protected which is understandable as every woman should be protected. The apparent assumption is that a gentleman cannot provide a woman with a sense of security. Why is the gentleman associated with weakness and the thug equated with courage?

For women of faith, how does this play out in your choices? Would you want a man like Christ, who does not appear to represent any vestige of “thuggery?” From scripture, it would appear that Christ would be the consummate gentleman and the standard that all men should conform to.

READ: Why Bad Boys Win Girls and Good Guys Only Friend Girls

So, what has shaped the image of the man that a woman desires? Is her image of a good man based on her father?  And how much has outside influences contributed to what makes this man desirable. “People love who they love” some would posit…as if to suggest that our tastes/preferences are not culturally or otherwise influenced by the environment we grew up in/live in and the world arounds us that shapes our buying habits, fashion trends, physical preferences, and sexual appetites.

How much has the media, entertainment, childhood, and faith affected what you desire in a man? And do your desires really represent your values?  Does the type of man you’re attracted to have qualities and capabilities to provide the leadership, protection, and provision needed to guide a family whether that be just the two of you or children? These are questions that must be seriously considered for the health and wellness of any potential relationship.

We live in a world of images, often manufactured images, that look good in the movies or sound great when sung or rapped over tight beats and funky bass lines. The image of the thug reigns supreme in these spaces, but may not be the best choice for the man in your life unless you like the “excitement” that comes with disappointments, inadequacies, and heartbreaks.

BMWK – so what exactly is a thug-gentleman?  And is this type of man really good for relationships? Let us know below.

About the author

Derek Q. Sanders wrote 50 articles on this blog.

Derek Q. Sanders is the author of the newly released women’s guide to dating men, “Out-Dated: Rethinking How Men Date Women.” He is a certified life & relationship coach, blogger, public speaker, social commentator, and host of the BlogTalkRadio Show, “Writeous Talk on Love and Relationships.” Derek's mission is to foster strong healthy relationships by providing thought-provoking commentary that creates the atmosphere for dialogue that invites meaningful conversations between men and women to improve the quality of our relationships by finding and offering viable solutions.


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