3 Big Reasons Why You Need a Life Outside of Your Marriage

BY: - 7 Mar '17 | Marriage

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I wear quite a few titles in my life. I am a Christian, daughter, sister, wife, mom, friend, employee and entrepreneur. At times, as you can imagine, my life feels crazy busy. There are moments when I need a break from all of it. I’ve had thoughts of getting a hotel room overnight just to unload, relax and refocus. But I know even in that quiet space I would find a way to think about one of those roles I mentioned above.

Here’s the thing, if I spend too much time on one of them, the others get neglected. I have to be able to find balance in my life if I want to be happy. The other reality is, if I don’t take good care of me, I am no good and won’t be able to bring anything positive into any of those areas of my life.

This is why it is so important to have a life outside of all that. One just for you. Having a life outside of your marriage is actually great for your marriage, here’s why.


Time apart makes you appreciate the time spent together.

If you and your partner are together 24/7 you’re more than likely going to grow weary of each other. I don’t know many couples who need to spend every hour together. It feels good to spend a little time apart. In that time you can focus on yourself by reflecting, meditating, refocusing, relaxing or even enjoying a hobby.

I enjoy my solo time, whether it’s watching my favorite tv program, blogging or reading. It’s my time and I appreciate having it when I need it. When it’s time for date night or to chill with my husband, I’m looking forward to that as well, because I took time for me.

You only have one life and there should be no regrets or resentments.

I’ve seen couples be everything for their spouse. So much so that they don’t take time to really focus on what’s most important to them as individuals. If you support your spouse’s dreams and vision and do nothing for yourself, you might just wake up with regrets.

You don’t want to feel like you never had the opportunity to do what you wanted because you put it all into your marriage. There are two individuals in a marriage and the desires of both are equally important. Regret will show up as resentment and you might find yourself blaming it on your spouse. Believe me, this isn’t good for your marriage. Take time for you and invest in your dreams just like you support those of your spouse.


Your spouse also needs a life outside of your marriage.

This thing isn’t one-sided. You both need time to focus on your individual needs so that you are stronger together. Marriage is one of the biggest commitments you will ever make. It requires love, sacrifice, effort and energy. Neither of you can really give all of that if you’re empty inside. It’s important that as you are making time for you, your spouse is doing the same thing. You both have to refuel and enjoy your life outside of your relationship if you want to be at your best together.

You both have to refuel and enjoy your life outside of your relationship if you want to be at your best together.

Marriage can be beautiful. It definitely is one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. But if I didn’t have an opportunity to be and do me, my marriage would be in trouble. There would be frustration and again the resentment I mentioned earlier. Although my husband and I are a couple, we were and still are individuals first. Remembering to take good care of those individuals is what makes our marriage work.

BMWK, how do you make sure you have a life outside of your marriage?

About the author

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter wrote 635 articles on this blog.

Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, founder of Life Editing and Author of A Conversation Piece: 32 Bold Relationship Lessons for Discussing Marriage, Sex and Conflict Available on Amazon . She helps couples and individuals rewrite their life to reflect their dreams. Tiya has been featured in Essence and Ebony Magazines, and named one of the top blogs to read now by Refinery29. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two daughters. To find out more about Tiya, and her coaching, visit www.thelifeandlovecoach.com and www.theboldersister.com.


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The 7 Morning Habits of Very Happy Couples

BY: - 8 Mar '17 | Marriage

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“Man they must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning!” This is what we say when we encounter folks at work or elsewhere early in the AM that are already in bad moods. If this happens every now and then, it’s not a big deal, but the real trouble starts when those days are the norm for those people. How you start your day has a big impact on how you finish your day! Not only does this apply to your work day but it also applies to your relationships and how you well you connect with your spouse. With that said, even if you aren’t typically a “morning person” there are some habits you should start to create with your spouse so that you start the day off right!

1. Wake up earlier than they have to.

We are all are creatures of habit and we usually have our routines set in stone. We wake up just in time to do what’s needed before leaving the house.  And once that happens, there’s usually no time to left to spare.  Happy couples make a habit of waking up earlier than normal so that they’re not in such a rush and have some time to focus on just being together and enjoying some quiet time before the obligations of the day tug away at them.

2. Have morning sex.

I didn’t feel the need to hold back on this one because it can start your day off on a high note! I’m not saying it has to be every morning, but you and your spouse should absolutely get it on in the morning from time to time. A little quickie to get the energy and endorphins going makes for a smiling face walking out of the door. After long days at work, you’re too tired to have sex.. so happy couples make time in the morning.

3. Have breakfast together.

Instead of just coffee or a snack as everyone rushes out of the door, give a 20-minute breakfast at the table with your family a try. One reason we stay disconnected in relationships is because we get too busy to find time to talk. Doing something like this in the morning can definitely set the right tone and help you catch up…especially if it’s usually harder to do later in the day. Once a week, my wife and I actually get up early enough to do breakfast at the cafe around the corner and it’s our standing breakfast date that we look forward to.

4. Exercise together.

If you can make it happen, then getting up together and doing 30 minutes of exercise from time to time can be so good for you physically and mentally. First of all, you get it out of the way and secondly it’s some uninterrupted time together as a couple. You can do home exercise videos, yoga, stretching or even a jog around the neighborhood. As a bonus, showering together afterwards can transition nicely into tip #2…

5. Always stop to hug, kiss, and say “I Love You” before leaving the house.

Physical touch and words of affirmation tend to fade the longer you are in a relationship. So, you have to be conscious about making sure you always make your spouse a priority. No matter how much needs to be tackled once you leave the house, it’s important that your spouse knows that you think enough of him or her to stop for a few minutes and share a nice long embrace and kiss. It’s intimate, it’s special, AND it’s a small gesture that has a big payoff.

6. Pray together

One of the best ways to make your spouse feel loved is to pray with and for them. Each day, ask God for peace and protection over your spouse and marriage and cover them with your prayers. You can pray silently in the bed and then you can pray out loud together.

READ:  5 Prayers for Better Sex and Intimacy in Your Marriage

7. Count your blessings.

Wake up each day and count your blessings. Think about all of the ways you blessed to have your spouse in your life.  Happy couples know that a large part of being happy is having the right mindset. And focusing on positive things about your spouse and your marriage will set you a positive path for the day.

I know many of you may think these habits sound a little unrealistic because you’re so busy and because of the kids and because of this or that, but is not unrealistic if you choose to make your spouse a priority. Your spouse has to remain a priority in your life and if you can make it happen at the top of the morning, then you’re already ahead of the game! Start small and make a goal of doing these things at least once a week and you will start to see these habit become a part of your normal routine.

BMWK – please share the ways that you and your spouse interact in the morning that set you up for a happy day and a happy marriage.

About the author

Troy Spry wrote 225 articles on this blog.

Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only "Reality Expert", resides in Charlotte, NC. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!


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