I wear quite a few titles in my life. I am a Christian, daughter, sister, wife, mom, friend, employee and entrepreneur. At times, as you can imagine, my life feels crazy busy. There are moments when I need a break from all of it. I’ve had thoughts of getting a hotel room overnight just to unload, relax and refocus. But I know even in that quiet space I would find a way to think about one of those roles I mentioned above.
Here’s the thing, if I spend too much time on one of them, the others get neglected. I have to be able to find balance in my life if I want to be happy. The other reality is, if I don’t take good care of me, I am no good and won’t be able to bring anything positive into any of those areas of my life.
This is why it is so important to have a life outside of all that. One just for you. Having a life outside of your marriage is actually great for your marriage, here’s why.
Time apart makes you appreciate the time spent together.
If you and your partner are together 24/7 you’re more than likely going to grow weary of each other. I don’t know many couples who need to spend every hour together. It feels good to spend a little time apart. In that time you can focus on yourself by reflecting, meditating, refocusing, relaxing or even enjoying a hobby.
I enjoy my solo time, whether it’s watching my favorite tv program, blogging or reading. It’s my time and I appreciate having it when I need it. When it’s time for date night or to chill with my husband, I’m looking forward to that as well, because I took time for me.
You only have one life and there should be no regrets or resentments.
I’ve seen couples be everything for their spouse. So much so that they don’t take time to really focus on what’s most important to them as individuals. If you support your spouse’s dreams and vision and do nothing for yourself, you might just wake up with regrets.
You don’t want to feel like you never had the opportunity to do what you wanted because you put it all into your marriage. There are two individuals in a marriage and the desires of both are equally important. Regret will show up as resentment and you might find yourself blaming it on your spouse. Believe me, this isn’t good for your marriage. Take time for you and invest in your dreams just like you support those of your spouse.
Your spouse also needs a life outside of your marriage.
This thing isn’t one-sided. You both need time to focus on your individual needs so that you are stronger together. Marriage is one of the biggest commitments you will ever make. It requires love, sacrifice, effort and energy. Neither of you can really give all of that if you’re empty inside. It’s important that as you are making time for you, your spouse is doing the same thing. You both have to refuel and enjoy your life outside of your relationship if you want to be at your best together.
You both have to refuel and enjoy your life outside of your relationship if you want to be at your best together.
Marriage can be beautiful. It definitely is one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. But if I didn’t have an opportunity to be and do me, my marriage would be in trouble. There would be frustration and again the resentment I mentioned earlier. Although my husband and I are a couple, we were and still are individuals first. Remembering to take good care of those individuals is what makes our marriage work.
BMWK, how do you make sure you have a life outside of your marriage?
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