I love my husband. I’ve known him for 20 years and we’ve been married for over 8 years. We have two kids together and a third on the way. Our lives aren’t perfect, but we certainly love what we have built. We’ve been blessed.
But can I tell you a secret?
My love for him is not why we are together. Sure, loves plays a role. After all, I would never marry a man I didn’t love…deeply.
But is love all there is?
At an early age, I knew I would need far more than love to stay with a man and invest time and energy into building a future with him.
I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but when it comes to building a healthy, happy marriage, I think love is overrated. Sometimes people act like if the love is there, everything else will fall into place.
That just isn’t so.
And don’t get me wrong; I don’t have an issue with love. I think it’s a beautiful emotion and it can bring a relationship to new heights.
But I think all too often, women get caught up in how love feels and ignore other very critical aspects of their relationship that are just as important (if not more important) than that loving feeling.
So while love truly is great, I want women to really think about what else matters. I want women to be able to walk away from a relationship early on- – even if the love is present. Because some things really do matter a lot more than love.
Here are 5 things that should matter way more than that loving feeling…
Signs of Abuse
I know a few women who have been in abusive relationships. As a friend, it’s hard for me to see someone I love suffer. No woman ever deserves to be abused. And one thing that they tend to have in common is that they love the man so much. They truly want to see the good in him.
Some things can’t be overlooked in the name of love
Although I get that, I also know that some things can’t be overlooked in the name of love. If your man shows even the slightest sign of being emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, I can assure you that the love you feel for him won’t sustain you. You deserve better and he needs to get help.
Lack of Support
Loving you and supporting you should go hand in hand, but that isn’t always the case. So even if your man claims to love you, if you find that he never helps you with anything and he has no interest in supporting your passions and dreams, you have to wonder if you can spend a lifetime living like that. Support is a critical component of every healthy relationship and without it, resentment begins to build up and the relationship suffers.
Emotional stability is complicated, so I am not suggesting that you should leave your man if he suffers from depression, anxiety, or some other managed mental health issue. However, I know a lot of women who stay with men who have anger issues or are emotionally manipulative and I think it’s so unhealthily. If someone has a mental health issue, they need to seek professional help. Your love won’t fix him. And if he refuses to seek help, it will begin to severely impact the quality of your life. Your love can help him cope, but it can’t really address what’s wrong.
Lack of Integrity
There is no bigger red flag than a man that says one thing and does another. I don’t care how much your man claims to love you, if he lacks integrity you are headed down a painful path. Love is not just about how someone feels, but it’s about what someone does. If you can’t trust your mate to keep his word or follow through with promises, the love you feel for each other just won’t matter much after a while.
No, you don’t need to be with a man that makes six figures. But you also don’t want to be with a man that is financially irresponsible. And to be honest, the six-figure guy can be irresponsible too. Having money doesn’t mean you know what to do with it. Sure, you can have a happy marriage even if you have some slight differences in opinion when it comes to managing money.
Love doesn’t make deposits into your bank account and it won’t do a damn thing when you can’t eat.
But having slight differences in opinion is different than the stress of dealing with someone that’s financially reckless. Love doesn’t make deposits into your bank account and it won’t do a damn thing when you can’t eat. Just keep that in mind,
BMWK family, do you think love is enough to make a relationship last?
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