5 Simple Things a Husband Can Do to Bring His Wife Joy

BY: - 3 Mar '17 | Intimacy

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We’ve all heard the phrase: Happy Wife, Happy Life. And while we don’t subscribe to such a basic principle of marriage in our house, that doesn’t mean I don’t go out of my way to put a smile on wife’s face just because she’s my wife.

I want to see her happy every day, and I want to do my part to bring a her daily dose of joy. And while I would love to jet set her to the Colorado Rockies or half-way around the world to a remote island in the Maldives, truth is the way our bank account is set up…well, you know how that story goes. So it leaves me to get creative about how to lessen her burden and simply show her how often I think about her and her well being every day.

Send text messages.

Nothing seems to get women more excited than a vibrating phone. A simple, “how’s your day going?” or “thinking about you brought a much needed smile to my face” is the perfect way to stay connected during the workday or any other day for that matter. Let her know she’s top of mind even when she’s not around.

Top off her gas.

You know she’s running around to work, school, daycare, after-school, lessons, mama’s house, mama and ‘nem’s house, and the grocery store all through traffic both ways. Please go get her car washed, vacuumed, but most importantly – fill up her tank. You know she could use it. Just one less stop on an endless cycle of the adulthood routine. She’ll appreciate the gesture.

Fold the clothes.

Folding clothes is so simple, yet so impactful that J. Cole dedicated an entire track to Folding Clothes for his beloved on his newest album. And seeing how Cole is another married man, it sounds like he’s getting his marriage off to the right start. If you currently don’t fold your own clothes, then you can immediately do two things: 1) thank the person who folds your never-ending supply of drawls, and 2) return the favor.

If you do fold your own clothes, imagine a world where your clothes magically made their way from the dryer sorted and organized into your drawers? How much would you pay for a magical genie to do this on your behalf? How many hours of your life would you get back? How many novels would you read? Fold.her.clothes. The, literally watch her love for you grow by 3-fold.

Leave her alone.

I love this one. This is by far my favorite simple thing to do for my wife. Like most people, my wife likes people – but only when she likes people. And people are draining. All of us. We love each other…and we drain the hell outta one another too. Our wives need time alone to choose how they want to spend their own time. Sleep, exercise, reading, sleep, Netflix, or whatever else my wife wants to do, I encourage. Give her the most valuable asset any of us own – TIME. It’s free, and it’s priceless.

We love each other…and we drain the hell outta one another too.

Rub her feet.

You’re gonna watch Netflix anyway. Tell her to kick up those hardworking hooves on your knees and rub those kinks away. I mean really work the pressure out of her. She literally carries the weight of your whole entire family, a few of her close friends, her boss, her employees, the one co-worker she actually likes, and the worries of the modern free world on those feet.

Make getting her feet pampered a normal thing in your house. And the beauty is it’s also self-serving. Because the next time you get into a disagreement that leads to that long night of silence. Let’s see who breaks first when you’re not kneading your knuckles into the arches you’ve made her accustomed to. I know I would say sorry if it meant someone would rub my feet.

Enjoy your marriage. Enjoy each other’s time. It will always be the simple things that matter most. You knew this already. This was simply another reminder.

BMWK – Help us build this list… what simple things bring you joy?

About the author

Isom Kuade wrote 70 articles on this blog.

Isom Kuade is a father and a husband, resting his head in the middle of Texas. He's doing his best to adult with purpose and sneak in some good meals along the way. He and his wife tell stories of their triumphs, failures, and biased opinions at pancakesandcider.com.


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Am I Wrong for Wanting to Make Love While My Mother In-Law Is in My House?

BY: - 7 Mar '17 | Intimacy

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Dear Dr. Buckingham,

My love life with my wife is going down the drain. Her mother moved in with us six months ago and we rarely have sex. She feels uncomfortable and sometimes states that it is disrespectful for us to make love while her mother in the house. I am lucky if I get some cookie once a month. I tried to understand her perspective, initially, but I cannot live like this anymore because her mother is 73 years old and never goes anywhere. We have three children together so her mother knows that we did something. Am I Wrong for Wanting to Make Love While My Mother-In-Law in My House?


Sex Deprived Husband


Dear Sex Deprived Husband,

I appreciate you for reaching out to me. To answer your question, I do not feel that you are wrong for wanting to make love to your wife. I have experienced this dilemma in the past and can say that I was somewhat bothered. However, I can relate to your wife feeling uncomfortable. Many of us grow up believing in maintaining boundaries with our parents. We also grow up believing in the importance of honoring our parents.

To some people honoring their parents means maintaining good communication and a physical presence in their lives. To others, it means never doing anything that makes their parents feel uncomfortable. It sounds like your wife embraced the latter belief. Whatever we believe growing up typically does not cease when we get married.

I recommend that you talk more about your emotional frustration as opposed to your sexual frustration. The best way to open up lines of communication about the topic is to speak your wife’s language. Women are emotional beings who typically understand emotion and like to know that their emotions are respected.

Be mindful that you do not have to agree with her perspective, but you should try to reflect on what she is sharing. Listening to her will increase the likelihood that she will listen to you. Also, seek to negotiate by asking your wife for suggestions. You will have better luck with finding middle ground than you will with trying to get your way. Although you prefer to make love in your own home, be willing to change venues occasionally.

Your situation is delicate because you have to maintain respect for your wife while also communicating your need for respect and physical intimacy. If you are not sure about how to accomplish this, please seek professional counseling. Professionals like myself can conduct family therapy and facilitate the discussion. I mentioned family therapy because your mother-in law may need to be part of the intervention. While this issue is between you and your wife, your mother in-law is partially the cause.

Whatever you do, do not make your desire for the sex sound more important than your desire to understand your wife. Understanding over sex brings about sustainable love.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 204 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.


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