5 Things that Should Matter More than How Much Your Man Makes

BY: - 31 Mar '17 | Relationships

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My husband is the primary breadwinner in our home. I love and appreciate him for that and so much more. He provides for all of us, and I never question how important that is to him.

But I also know that our current situation can change at any moment. I know that a time may come when I make more than he does. I know that the possibility of losing his job is always on the table because nothing in life is guaranteed. But I also know that no matter what, he’s got my back and I have his. I know that he is a man of character and he will always find a way to provide for us—even when times get rough.

I also know that money matters. We have a mortgage to pay and kids to feed. But money isn’t everything. I know that if a woman judges her man only on his capacity to earn more income, something is wrong. Sure, you want a man who loves you and is able and willing to provide for you, but that can’t be all he’s worth to you. There has to be more. You have to want more. If you don’t, what happens when he loses his job? What happens if the money fades or you start earning more than he does? Where will your relationship stand?

So yes, money does matter, but here are 5 things that should matter more than how much your man makes.

Does he keep his word?

Money is nice but it’s definitely not what makes my husband an amazing man. What I love most about him is the fact that he keeps his word. If he says he will do something, he does it. Now it may take him a little longer than I’d like at times, but that’s another story. Your man can make all the money in the world, but if you can’t trust that he will do what he says he will do with that money, I don’t think his income matters all that much.

Is he responsible?

Making money isn’t as important as being responsible. A man that makes six figures can easily be worth less than a man that makes half that, if the six-figure guy is irresponsible when it comes to managing his money. Women should be less worried about how much her man is brining in and  more concerned about what he actually does with the money he earns.

Can he keep his ego in check?

Ego-driven responses are typically damaging to any relationship. You need to be with a man that will make financial decisions based on what’s best for his family, not based on his ego. You also need a man that can embrace and accept a woman making more than he does because he sees it as a path for the entire family to thrive. When a man’s ego controls his actions, his income is of little importance.

Does he appreciate what you do?

Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or busy building an empire, you need a man in your life that sees everything you do and appreciates all of it. If your man is busy making money and he believes his role is the most important role in the home simply because of how much he makes, it can cause problems. Earning money is not the only way someone adds values to a relationship and that should be understood whenever two people are involved with one another.

Does he have a strong sense of self?

Money comes and goes, but if a man is clear on who he is as a person, he can handle the challenging times that may lie ahead. Many men also believe their self-worth is based on their ability to provide for their families, so it’s even more important for them to be clear on who they are and what else they bring to the table as partners and fathers. A strong sense of self will help your man navigate the good and bad times with integrity and love, regardless of how much he makes.

BMWK family, what do you think matters more than how much your man makes?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 488 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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7 Steps to Forgiving Your Ex And Moving on with Your Life

BY: - 3 Apr '17 | Relationships

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Have you ever thought that you had forgiven someone and moved on with your life until something happens and instantly you are transported back to that particular moment in time that you thought you had forgotten?

Recently while gaining closure with an ex, that very thing happened to me. I wasn’t emotionally transported. But mentally, I went back to that very space and time.

Surprisingly, I had more clarity than I did when everything hit the fan. I was able to methodically categorize the events and ascertain each segment of the problem. This new found clarity helped me identify the overall issue I had with the relationship, such as the right expectations on the wrong person.

Also, it helped me to realize that I would never gain the apology I deserved for the pain he caused, which helped me to gain the closure I needed. These revelations, as disappointing as they were, enabled me to face the harsh truth and let it go. In the end, I was able to leave the toxicity of the relationship behind and move forward with my life.

While going through this situation, I learned seven ways to deal with the problem for good and move forward with my life. And I would like to share them with you below:

7 Steps to Forgiving…

First, identify the real problem. What is really bothering you? Is it the way your ex treated you, hurt you, or never apologized, etc. What is the real problem? Is the problem really your ex or a compound of problems from your childhood, your life, etc.? Identify the real culprit behind your pain.

Second, after identifying the problem, ascertain the parts each of you played in the relationship. In doing so, you will begin to take responsibility for your actions; which can be hard because we don’t think we’ve done anything wrong. But somewhere within the relationship, we messed up too. Take ownership of your part and if necessary apologize to your ex.

Third, after you have identified the problem, forgive yourself for the part you played in the challenges you both faced in the relationship.

Fourth, forgive your ex. Holding on to unforgiveness and what he/she did or did not do is a waste of time and emotional space. Choose to forgive them so that you can freely move on with your life. Forgiveness can be difficult.  I needed help with my forgiveness process, so I prayed and asked God to help me forgive. And with His help, I was able to truly forgive and let go of my expectations, my desires, and my pain.; to begin the healing that I needed.  I also prayed for my ex that he would receive the healing he needs.  Forgiveness can be challenging, but through prayer and God’s help, it can be much easier.

Fifth, let go of any and all expectations of your ex. You may never receive the apology or vindication you desire. Be willing to accept that harsh fact and let it go!

Six, what did you learn from the relationship? We can learn from every encounter in life. What did you learn from your relationship? What new things did you discover about yourself or your interaction with others? What are some key takeaways you can glean from your experience?

Seven, what you focus on grows. For so long I focused on the negative part of the relationship. But once I chose to forgive and focus on the good aspects of the relationship, I was able to be grateful for our time together. What are some good memories you can take from your relationship? The time spent with your ex wasn’t all bad. What are some good times you can appreciate from your time together?

No matter the experience good or bad, we can learn lessons from every life challenge we encounter. If applicable, choose to implement these steps in an effort to free yourself from the pain of your past so that you can be free to enjoy your new relationships. Once you change the narrative from negative to positive, you will begin to feel the freedom you desire regarding this situation.

Your relational freedom is awaiting you. It may take a few steps on your part to walk in the freedom you desire, but once you make the necessary changes, you will receive the peace you want and need.

BMWK, how do you forgive and move on from your ex?

About the author

Judi Mason wrote 59 articles on this blog.

Judi Mason is an Empowerment Strategist, whose mission is to empower You to become your best authentic self. As an accomplished author, Judi has garnered much success with her self-help books and workshops; including her popular Girl Talk: Relationship 101 events- which was birthed from her best-selling book, The Relationship Chronicles- Real Love, Straight Talk No Drama. As a sought after speaker, Judi uses multiple platforms from the marketplace to ministry; to enable individuals to pursue and fulfill their God ordained purpose with passion, in life, love and entrepreneurship.

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