3 Things Women Hear When He Says, “We’re Just Friends” that Lead to Heartbreak

BY: - 23 Mar '17 | Single

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You are seriously dating a man (at least you think it’s serious because you are giving him all of your time), but he tells you that you are just friends. What does this mean? Most importantly, what do you hear when he says this?  (READ: What a Man Really Means When He Says He Just Wants To Be “Friends”)

Most communication breakdowns happen between what a person says and what you think they mean. I don’t want your feelings to get hurt because his words are getting lost in translation, so let me point out 3 things you might be hearing when he says “we’re just friends” and why you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.

1. He’s wants to be friends “first”

You think that because he calls you morning, noon and night, sends you “hey gorgeous” texts, and makes plans to see you every time he’s back in town, that he’s establishing the foundation for a relationship.  You’re spending so much time together, all of his actions lead you to think that you’re together, and he doesn’t have time for anyone else.  You conclude that when he says he just wants to be friends, you think he means friends before the relationship begins.

Wrong! There’s no evidence that suggests you are the only woman in his life.  If he hasn’t told you he’s seeing you exclusively, then he’s not!

2. He’s honest—I like that!

You’ve had men play games with you in the past, so this dude’s straightforwardness feels refreshing to you. He’s older, consistent, secure in himself, and stable in his life. He doesn’t seem to need to impress you and he’s very different from anyone else you’ve ever dated.

Except you’re not dating! A man’s positive actions toward you doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you.

Just because a man spends time with you, consistently makes you feel good, and even sleeps with you, doesn’t mean that he sees you as his girlfriend.  He’s technically not being dishonest with you…but has he really told you the truth ?

He treats you well, because he knows that if he doesn’t, you won’t spend time with him anymore. But, I repeat… it doesn’t mean you’re in a committed relationship.

READ: What a Man Really Means When He Says He Just Wants To Be “Friends”

3. I can change his mind

You believe you can make him fall in love with you by acting like a wife. So, you never “nag” him about labeling the situation. You don’t ask him for a commitment because you don’t want him to feel pressured. You give him your time, money and attention, hoping that one day his eyes will open and he’ll see you as “wifey.”

Unfortunately, acting like a wife when you’re not even a girlfriend won’t change the mind of a man who has clearly told you, “we’re just friends.”

A man changes his mind because he wants to, not because you cooked and cleaned your way into his heart. If you keep ignoring what he tells you, you’re going to be shocked and heartbroken when he brings his fiancé around!

It’s easy to have selective hearing when someone is telling you something you don’t want to hear. But the truth will set you free, if you embrace it. Instead of dating someone who just wants to be friends, focus on the men out there who would be love to be your partner. He’s out there, but hanging on to this friendship and hoping it will turn into a relationship will prevent you from ever meeting him.

BMWK, how do you handle it when a man tells you “we’re just friends?” Post below! 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 156 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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5 Important Things Women Often Overlook Because They’re in LOVE

BY: - 24 Mar '17 | Marriage

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I love my husband. I’ve known him for 20 years and we’ve been married for over 8 years. We have two kids together and a third on the way. Our lives aren’t perfect, but we certainly love what we have built. We’ve been blessed.

But can I tell you a secret?

My love for him is not why we are together. Sure, loves plays a role. After all, I would never marry a man I didn’t love…deeply.

But is love all there is?

Heck no!

At an early age, I knew I would need far more than love to stay with a man and invest time and energy into building a future with him.

I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but when it comes to building a healthy, happy marriage, I think love is overrated. Sometimes people act like if the love is there, everything else will fall into place.

That just isn’t so.

And don’t get me wrong; I don’t have an issue with love. I think it’s a beautiful emotion and it can bring a relationship to new heights.

But I think all too often, women get caught up in how love feels  and ignore other very critical aspects of their relationship that are just as important (if not more important) than that loving feeling.

So while love truly is great, I want women to really think about what else matters. I want women to be able to walk away from a relationship early on- – even if the love is present.  Because some things really do matter a lot more than love.

Here are 5 things that should matter way more than that loving feeling…

Signs of Abuse

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I know a few women who have been in abusive relationships. As a friend, it’s hard for me to see someone I love suffer. No woman ever deserves to be abused. And one thing that they tend to have in common is that they love the man so much. They truly want to see the good in him.

Some things can’t be overlooked in the name of love

Although I get that, I also know that some things can’t be overlooked in the name of love. If your man shows even the slightest sign of being emotionally, verbally, or physically abusive, I can assure you that the love you feel for him won’t sustain you. You deserve better and he needs to get help.

Lack of Support

Loving you and supporting you should go hand in hand, but that isn’t always the case. So even if your man claims to love you, if you find that he never helps you with anything and he has no interest in supporting your passions and dreams, you have to wonder if you can spend a lifetime living like that. Support is a critical component of every healthy relationship and without it, resentment begins to build up and the relationship suffers.

Emotional Stability

Emotional stability is complicated, so I am not suggesting that you should leave your man if he suffers from depression, anxiety, or some other managed mental health issue. However, I know a lot of women who stay with men who have anger issues or are emotionally manipulative and I think it’s so unhealthily. If someone has a mental health issue, they need to seek professional help. Your love won’t fix him. And if he refuses to seek help, it will begin to severely impact the quality of your life. Your love can help him cope, but it can’t really address what’s wrong.

Lack of Integrity

There is no bigger red flag than a man that says one thing and does another. I don’t care how much your man claims to love you, if he lacks integrity you are headed down a painful path. Love is not just about how someone feels, but it’s about what someone does. If you can’t trust your mate to keep his word or follow through with promises, the love you feel for each other just won’t matter much after a while.

Financial Responsibility

No, you don’t need to be with a man that makes six figures. But you also don’t want to be with a man that is financially irresponsible. And to be honest, the six-figure guy can be irresponsible too. Having money doesn’t mean you know what to do with it. Sure, you can have a happy marriage even if you have some slight differences in opinion when it comes to managing money.

Love doesn’t make deposits into your bank account and it won’t do a damn thing when you can’t eat.

But having slight differences in opinion is different than the stress of dealing with someone that’s financially reckless. Love doesn’t make deposits into your bank account and it won’t do a damn thing when you can’t eat. Just keep that in mind,

BMWK family, do you think love is enough to make a relationship last?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 496 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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