3 Ways to Juice Up Your Online Dating Profile Without Lying

BY: - 9 Mar '17 | Relationships

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Wait! Before you decide to tell a white lie on your online dating profile, consider this: When you meet in person for the first time, that person will not trust you about anything moving forward.

I know you think uploading pictures from 10 years ago when you looked really good in that blue dress won’t matter, but to the savvy online dater who has already been through a string of bad dates, you misrepresenting yourself can instantly ruin your chances at a relationship. You don’t have to change your age, mark that you want kids, or pretend you love dancing when you really don’t just to get someone’s attention.

There’s an easier way to juice up your profile that will attract higher quality people, get you more meaningful messages, and better dates. It’s the secret sauce behind my clients’ online dating success. And today, I’m going to share a few tips with you.

1. Use professional photos for your main pictures

 

I know the site you’re using has a button for you to quickly use your favorite Facebook photos for your profile, but that’s a huge mistake! Most of the pictures you post on social media aren’t taken at the best angles or with the best lighting. Your friends may think your car or gym selfie is cute, but to someone who is making a snap judgement about the kind of date you’d be, that photo just won’t work.

A picture is worth a thousand words, so you want to be intentional about what yours are saying. I recommend a professional photo shoot for all of my clients and those who get it done notice overnight results. One of my clients uploaded three new photos and the men who ignored her just 2 months ago, were suddenly asking her out on a date, right there on the spot!

Avoid glamour shots or the typical portrait studio you’d find in the mall. This shoot should be done by trained professional who knows how to get the right lighting and can make you feel comfortable in front of the camera. You should have 2-3 different outfits that you’d wear to a highly anticipated first date and showcase your personality in a lifestyle shoot outside or in a beautiful studio without the paper backgrounds.

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2. Show your life in action

In addition to your professional photo, add 5 to 10 action shots that reveal your interests and passions. These should show you on vacation, volunteering, dancing at your favorite concert, laughing with your family, headed to the gym or playing your favorite instrument. You want people to get a glimpse of what it’d be like to experience life with you. Avoid too many group photos, though, because you don’t want people straining to figure out which one is you (or worse yet, thinking they’d rather date your friend!)

3.  Get someone to help you write your profile

If you don’t know how to sell yourself as a great date and an amazing partner in 300-500 words, you should get someone to help you so you can avoid the top two mistakes most people make 1) writing it like a resume 2) not writing enough details

As a former English professor turned dating coach, I absolutely love writing my clients’ essays because I craft a story that reveals who they are as a date, a girlfriend and a future partner. I avoid just telling them that they love to cook and want to travel and bring in the reader so they can see, taste, hear, smell and feel it! Here’s a quick before and after to show you what I mean:

Before: I work in the medical profession and I love to travel! I’m into fitness and I love cultural  spiritual, and passionate things.

After: My day job is a mixture of Grey’s Anatomy and ER, so when I have downtime, I long to trade in my white coat for a pair of red stilettos and then hit the dance floor. I was raised to be a lady so I believe some things are for my man’s eyes and ears only. You’ll just to have wait and see what I mean, but I promise you this: if you touch my heart in the right way, I just may serenade you on our second date. To celebrate our 3-month anniversary, we’ll go on a weekend road trip and blast Electric Relaxation by A Tribe Called Quest in the car, enjoying intimate lunches at mom and pop restaurants. After church on Sunday, we’ll head over to the county fair to ride the ferris wheel and eat some fried Twinkies. You’d really woo me if you won me one of those huge teddy bears and were man enough to carry it around on your shoulders for the day.

See the difference? the first one is just a list of adjectives that don’t tell the reader anything. The second one invites the man to connect with you on an emotional level and helps him literally see what it would be like to date you.  You’ll also give him ideas on where to take you on a first date and how he could impress you.

If you can’t write your own story, hire a professional service or get your friend to interview you about your most memorable moments in your life and then write it up. You’ll get better responses from men, instead of those canned one-liners and winks they usually send.

With millions of people online, it’s tempting to lie about your age, your weight or what you’re interested in, especially when you’re afraid that there aren’t enough people out there who are serious about relationships. But when you’re confident in who you are and believe that there’s a partner out there who is looking for someone just like you, you’ll focus on capturing their attention with amazing photos and a captivating story about what it’s like to be in a relationship with you.

BMWK, which tip will you use to juice up your profile? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 148 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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After 30 Plus Years, I Don’t Feel Loved. Is My Marriage Over?

BY: - 14 Mar '17 | Marriage

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Hello Dr. Buckingham

My heart is very heavy because my husband and I have been married 34 years, and although he claims that he loves me and he wants to remain married, I don’t feel his love. He doesn’t show any affection. When I share my concerns, it seems to me that it’s not important to him. Don’t get me wrong, my husband is a good provider and has been a good father.  But as for me, I feel lonely in this relationship. I don’t feel loved by my husband and there’s no intimacy. What hurts me the most is that we are both Christian and we should be helping others concerning marriage. After 30 plus years, I have concerns. I don’t feel loved, Is my marriage over?

Thanks,

Lonely Wife

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Dear Lonely Wife,

The absence of love does not mean that your marriage is over.

Let me explain.

As most of us think about love, we associate it with optimistic thinking and positive behavior. Some of us even believe that love conquers all and that relationships can weather any storm if love is present.

At one point in my life I believed this, but not anymore. Not to sound too pessimistic, but I have witnessed too many marriages end in which I was convinced that love was present; although many would question whether love was truly present if the marriage ended.

Knowledge of love and how it works provides a road map for developing healthy self-concepts and relationships. Everyone desires love, but we often don’t know what it is or how to get it. In talking with couples about the meaning of love, I found that a good number of people agree that love is an emotion of compassion. Some individuals report feelings of exhilaration and excitement when they are in love, while others report strong, intense, and indescribable feelings towards another person. Moreover, a widespread consensus is that love should be untainted.

READ: Can I Thrive in a Loveless Marriage?

Personally, I define love as a powerful, compassionate and intangible emotion that directs the heart of women and men. This means that the heart is the control center that manages the emotions that influence our love. In reality, our hearts and emotions, like other things in our lives, change with conditions and circumstances. We withdraw or limit our love when our emotions are unstable and more often than not, we end up hurting others and ourselves in the process. Although we do not like the pain that is associated with withdrawing or limiting our love, we do so to manage our emotions and/or to protect our hearts.

When love is absent in relationships, I have found that compassion is lost or minimized due to internal suffering or hurt. Individuals who are in distress are often incapable of expressing love in a compassionate manner. I have also found that good-hearted people say and do bad things when they feel betrayed, wronged, belittled, unappreciated or disrespected.

Instead of expressing your concerns and talking about how you do not feel loved, try to figure out what is going on with your husband. When people change their course of behavior I try to learn about and pay attention to their underlying motives. This is important to understand because increased feelings of doubt or dislike toward self and others cause individuals to reserve their love.

As you strive to restore the love in your marriage, remember that love is by-product of good communication, respect and trust. Also, remember that love itself is not enough to prevent us from hurting each other. Human beings were created out of love to love, but we allow our emotions to distort that love.

God created us out of love and to live life without love is as harsh as living life without a soul.

I suggest that you look at the intent of your husband’s heart before give up on your marriage. If you detect that your husband is neglecting you because he lacks insight as to how to express his love appropriately, then you should provide support, seek professional counsel and pray. Basically, stick with him. If you detect that he is deliberately withdrawing his love to be spiteful then you should provide support, seek professional counsel and pray. If the deliberate behavior continues, you should consider moving on because love does hurt, but not intentionally. God created us out of love and to live life without love is as harsh as living life without a soul.

Best regards,

Dr. Buckingham

If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com

Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post.

About the author

Dwayne Buckingham wrote 171 articles on this blog.

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham, author of Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single and Unconditional Love: What Every Woman and Man Desires in a Relationship, is a highly acclaimed international clinical psychotherapist, life coach, relationship and resiliency expert, motivational speaker and corporate consultant. He is also the President and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, located in Silver Spring, Maryland. To learn more about Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham visit his website at www.DrBuckingham.com.

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