Being Mary Jane: 7 Ways to Determine If You Are Really Ready for Love

BY: - 15 Mar '17 | Single

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On the past few episodes of Being Mary Jane, the storylines of Mary Jane Paul and her girlfriend Kara Lynch provide prime examples of women who say they want love, but when it shows up, they are afraid to embrace the love that’s before them.

In the past, Mary Jane has been in so many dead-end relationships that when problems arise in her current relationship with boyfriend, Lee, she automatically assumes that the relationship is over. Truly, they have had a few hurdles to overcome from his kids to his overly sexual lesbian ex-wife who happens to be Lee’s best friend.  But with every encounter, Lee is ready to work past the problem, and Mary Jane is preparing her heart for the worst.

Kara’s relationship with professional athlete Orlando is heating up. Not only has Orlando professed his love to Kara, but he has made their relationship public as well, not recognizing that his public confession would make Kara a prime candidate of tabloid fodder. Although she feels the same way about Orlando, she has allowed fear of people’s opinions to hinder her from opening herself to receive the love she wants and desires.

What about you are you ready for love?

Here are a 7 ways to determine if you are open and ready to love:

1.  You are ready to do the work: When challenges arise in your relationships, you don’t run, but you take the time to work through each issue. By doing so, you are allowing each challenge to strengthen your bond and make the two of you stronger and better.

2. You have let the Past Go: You don’t judge, compare or base your current relationship on your past ones. You’ve acknowledged your mistakes and learned the lessons from your past relationships. Now you are ready to move forward and allow your new relationship to take its natural course.

3. You are willing to forgive: You have embraced the power of forgiveness. You are willing to forgive others as well as yourself. When unforgiveness sets in regarding your significant other, you are willing to give yourselves the time and space to walk out the forgiveness process.

 4. You embrace individuality:  You allow your significant other to be themselves. You accept them for who they are. You don’t try to change them to meet a prescribed standard you have in mind. You embrace their individuality just as they embrace yours.

5. You are tell the truth: You tell the truth in love and choose to work past any offense. Honesty is mandatory for a relationship to grow.

6. You desire transparency: You desire to be transparent and authentic by sharing your life with your significant other and not withholding who you truly are- including your mistakes.

7. You look in the mirror: The qualities and characteristics you desire in a mate you have worked to ensure those traits are within you as well.

Mary Jane and Kara could truly benefit from applying these points in their relationships. These  7 points are just the beginning, but if you have these in order, you are truly open and ready for love.

BMWK, Are you really ready for love?

About the author

Judi Mason wrote 58 articles on this blog.

Judi Mason is an Empowerment Strategist, whose mission is to empower You to become your best authentic self. As an accomplished author, Judi has garnered much success with her self-help books and workshops; including her popular Girl Talk: Relationship 101 events- which was birthed from her best-selling book, The Relationship Chronicles- Real Love, Straight Talk No Drama. As a sought after speaker, Judi uses multiple platforms from the marketplace to ministry; to enable individuals to pursue and fulfill their God ordained purpose with passion, in life, love and entrepreneurship.

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It’s a New Relationship: 7 Signs You Are Doing Too Much Too Soon!

BY: - 16 Mar '17 | Relationships

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When people hear that I met and married my husband in eleven short months, they often assume we had a whirlwind romance. The truth is, while we were madly in love when we got married, we used our heads to make a good decision.

That out of control, head-over-heels feeling is amazing and it’s one you should enjoy when you’re in love. But you also want to use your head. If you notice these 7 signs, it could mean that you’re doing too much in your new relationship and it’s time to pump the breaks.

1. You take down your online dating profile after the first date. 

He made you laugh. You have so much in common. The chemistry is off the charts! You’ve talked day and night for 3 days straight.  This means he’s your boyfriend, right?

Wrong!

He’s just a great date at this point, and for all you know, he could be sending “good morning gorgeous” text messages to another woman at the exact time, making her feel like he’s her future boyfriend, too. The point is, he’s not your man until you have a conversation about being exclusive.

Until then, keep your profile up!

2. You do his laundry, bring him lunch to work, and loan him your car so he can take his kids to see their grandmother. 

Girl, you’re acting like his wife (or maybe more like his mama) and he hasn’t even labeled the relationship! You’re doing too much!

Read: You’re His Girlfriend, Not His Wife. These 4 Things Won’t Get You a Ring?

3. You cancel all of your “Girls’ Night Out” plans with your friends to make yourself available whenever he calls. 

Your friends feel like you dumped them for a man whom they haven’t even met! Putting your life on hold for someone who hasn’t put a ring on it is a sign you’re getting attached too fast.

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4. You get jealous of the women who comment on his social media pictures and it’s only been 3 weeks since you started talking.

He hasn’t even changed his Facebook status to “In a relationship,” yet, girl, which is a sign that you haven’t had important conversations about your relationship requirements and needs. Slow down!

5.  You had three text messages and one real date, and you’re already talking about having kids together, going to Jamaica in the summer, and what your wedding will look like.

You need time and space to decide if someone is a good match for you. Schedule your next date in two weeks and see if he’s still into you (and if you still like him!)

6. You’re hanging out at his place and a jewelry commercial comes on. You tell him that’s the kind of ring you’d like to have when you get engaged.

If it’s been 2 months since your first date and you’re dropping hints about where you want him to go ring shopping for you, you run the risk of pushing away a good man.

Moving too fast in a relationship is just as dysfunctional as running from commitment.

7. You swoon when he declares his love to you on the first date and says he’s never felt this way before about a woman.

Sounds romantic, right? Hold on though, because he might be “in love with love.”

Worse yet, this may be a sign he has never had a healthy relationship before and doesn’t know what it means to really love someone. It could also mean he has some secrets he doesn’t want you to know about until he’s sure he’s hooked you so you don’t leave him!

I know you want to know right away if the man you’re seeing is “The One,” but if you rush your new relationship, you’ll run the risk of ruining it!

Moving too fast in a relationship is just as dysfunctional as running from commitment. A relationship can’t last if it’s only built on a foundation of chemistry or fantasies about who you think someone is. Take the time to get to know him so that you are confident you’re choosing the right man.

Pump the breaks by focusing on the present moment. Don’t project too far into the future or make too many plans with someone you’ve just met. You’ll guard your heart from unnecessary heartache if things don’t work out.

BMWK, have you ever rushed into a relationship? How long did it last? 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 138 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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