He’s Mine! How to Avoid Breaking the Girl Code in Dating

BY: - 2 Mar '17 | Relationships

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What would you do if a guy at your church took your friend out on a date, but they don’t hit it off and they decide to just be friends. A few months later, he meets you at a singles mixer and you discover there’s a lot of chemistry between you both. He asks you out and you accept!

Sisters come before misters.

When your girl finds out, she’s lit, but you don’t understand why. She didn’t even like the dude, right? Why should she feel like this guy was hands off, especially when she knows that good men are hard to find, especially in your small town church.

Well, sis, your friend is upset because you just broke the Girl Code, which is the unspoken rule which says “sisters come before misters.”  In other words, if you’re a true friend you won’t:

  1. Date your best friends’ ex
  2. Date your ex’s friend
  3. Date your friends’ current love interest
  4. Date your friend’s potential love interest
  5. Date anyone your friend thought about dating

This code of conduct is supposed to protect your friendships in a world where dating and relationships can be unpredictable and no one gets the man! But are there ever any times when the girl code should be broken for love?

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Is the Girl Code Flexible?

I actually believe some of the rules around dating and the girl code can be flexible, but only if you ask yourself these questions:

  • Was your friend in a real relationship with this man?
  • If yes, how long did the relationship last?
  • How did it end?
  • How does your friend feel about you being involved with someone she dated?
  • Are you willing to lose your friendship in order to pursue this relationship?

Let’s apply these questions to the scenario above.

We often feel possessive over someone we’ve been emotionally connected to, but your friend went on one lackluster date with a guy. They didn’t have a real relationship, otherwise it would be easy to see why she may feel like she can claim him.

What isn’t clear, however, is how things ended between them. Did she want to see him again? Did he tell her there wasn’t enough chemistry to move forward together? Or did he just disappear, leaving her hurt and disappointed? If the feeling that they weren’t a good match was mutual, then she may only be pretending to care about him now that he’s interested in you.

Finally, have you talked to your friend about your date, or did she have to find out from someone else? Did he know you were both friends when he asked you out, or did you withhold that information from him? Remember, secrets destroy relationships, so it’s best to communicate directly with everyone involved.

If your friend is really upset about your date, but you really want to explore a relationship with this guy, then be prepared to have to choose between your friendship with her and a relationship with him in the future. Friendships can become strained over romantic relationships. If you feel this man is worth the loss of your best friend, then go for it. If not, then explore other options outside of your church.

BMWK, is it ever ok to date a friend’s ex? Post your answers below! 

About the author

Aesha Adams Roberts wrote 151 articles on this blog.

Dr. Aesha is a matchmaker, dating coach, speaker and author of the book, Can I Help A Sister Out: How To Meet & Marry The Man of Your Dreams. After years of making painful dating mistakes, she met & married her husband in 11 short months and has made it her mission to help women and men find and keep the love of their lives.

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Don’t Be a Sucka! 5 Signs that Your Man Is Playing You for a Fool

BY: - 3 Mar '17 | Relationships

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I’ve always hated the phrase “love conquers all.” Don’t get me wrong, I am all about romance and happily ever after, but I have seem enough in my lifetime to know that love does not conquer all. Love is wonderful and magical but it isn’t enough.

Have you ever heard a woman share how much she love’s a man, but it’s really her way of justifying his mistreatment of her. It leaves me puzzled to say the least. Why does love give someone the permission to treat you poorly and make you look like a fool?

I’m just not with it.

I think when a man sends clear signs that he’s not really that into to you, you have to pay attention to those signs. Don’t ignore it. Don’t make excuses for him. Don’t tell yourself that he loves you and that his behavior could be worse.

You have to know your worth. You have to remember that no one has the right to treat you with a lack of respect and dignity. You have to protect yourself from getting played.

Here are 5 signs that your man is playing you and you need to move on to someone who deserves your love.

He doesn’t want you to visit his home.

I am not suggesting that you need to go to a guy’s house during the first few dates. Maybe he is just being cautious and wants to make sure you aren’t all the way crazy before he brings you into his home. But after you have been dating for a while, if it seems like he is always trying to be up in your house, but he never wants you at his, something is up. Listen to your gut and ask for an explanation. If the explanation sounds like B.S., it probably is. Keep it moving.

He’s been hiding you from his family for a really long time.

I will be the first to admit that in my dating days, I really didn’t want my family to meet a guy right away. I had to feel like it was going somewhere first. That’s just how I roll. But when I see a man dating a woman for well over a year and he still hasn’t introduced her to anyone in his family, something is up. He’s either hiding something or he has serious commitment issues. Find out what’s going on.

READ:  4 Telltale Signs that a Man Is Serious About You

He lies about stupid things.

I have always believed that when a person lies about foolish things, they will typically lie about anything. Don’t fall for it. If your man lies about where he’s been, where he works, what school he goes to, etc., give him the boot. I can almost guarantee that he will eventually be comfortable enough to lie to you about almost anything and who has time for that mess?

He’s cheated on you more than once.

No one is perfect. I think people make mistakes and sometimes you are able to work things out. But I also believe that some people do you wrong so many times they just don’t deserve another chance. If a man has cheated on you time and time again, he’s pretty much telling you that’s who he is. You have to stop wishing and hoping for him to be someone he’s not. He’s playing you and he’s hoping that you care enough to stay and tolerate it. Don’t give him that satisfaction.

READ: 5 Things to Consider if You Keep Going Back to Him

He’s secretive.

I know that some people are a bit private by nature and that is okay, but there is a difference between being private and being downright secretive. If your gut is telling you that your man is keeping secrets, he probably is. Don’t stick around to watch the secret slowly creep into your life. Ask for honesty and if he can’t give you that, tell him to kick rocks.

BMWK family, what are some signs that someone is being played?

About the author

Martine Foreman wrote 494 articles on this blog.

Martine Foreman is a speaker, writer, lifestyle consultant, and ACE-certified Health Coach who specializes in helping moms who want more out of life but feel overwhelmed and confused. Through her content and services, Martine is committed to helping women embrace their personal truth, gain clarity, and take action to create healthier, happier lives. For more on Martine's candid views on life and love, visit her at candidbelle.com. To work with her, visit her at martineforeman.com. Martine resides in Maryland with her husband, two kids and sassy cat Pepper.

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